WAW and me in 11th hour!!!!

[Ken62]

Journaling:

Didn't hear from XW until July 26 when she ran into problems with insurance coverage. I was under the impression that I had 30 days after the D was final to make changes to my benefits and that the first of the month after making the changes the new coverage and premiums would go into affect. So I told XW that she would be covered until July 31 and that she would be on her own on August 1.

Unfortunately, that is not what actually happened. I updated my benfits on July 14 but since the D was final on June 21, the insurance company was told to stop coverage on XW on June 21 so her last day of being covered was June 20 and NOT July 31 so she sent me some texts from the doctors office on July 26 because insurance company was saying that she wasn't covered.

XW also didn't do anything during her 30 day period after the D to change her benefits. One of the e-mails she sent me explained it as being in "an embarassing state of disorganization" which made me laugh because she is basically on summer vacation. She isn't working and while she is on summer vacation she spent two weeks on a vacation within a vacation on the East Coast.

To top it all off she needed to appeal to her work for missing her 30 day period and she needed a letter from my HR department explaining when she lost coverage and what kind of coverage she had. It was a weeks worth of e-mails back and forth and I was able to get her the document on August 2 and received a "Thanks" back from her.

Also found out that she is looking for a one or two bedroom apartment back here and will be returning sometime soon. Not sure if she will bring OM or not and frankly it is none of my business. I still wish she would have stayed back in her hometown with OM and her family but as they say "it is what it is"!

Work is continuing slowly on the master bathroom and when that is done they will start gutting the main bathroom.

D20 turned 21 today and she and I got iPhone 4s and I also got her a new windshield and $1000 worth of car repairs. I like being able to take good care of my kids.

D21 also went to go see my C this past Saturday for the second time and I went a few hours later. C said that D21 is doing very well and that I should be very proud which I am! D19 is having a rough time in Disney World right now. She has finished 2 of her 7 months and is pretty home sick and having a hard time finding good friends. S24 is doing well down there as far as I know.

At my IC session on Saturday C and I decided that it would probably be good for me to start the anullment process. XW always said that she wanted D and then anullment but hasn't really done anything about the anullment and I think that it is something I need so I will start the process whether she participates or not is up to XW.

Show in the mountains just closed this past Sunday and getting ready to open a new one on the 20th for five weekends and then I have another show which will run the two weekends after that. Keeping busy is very helpful.

While doing the show up in the mountains, I met a woman who works at the theatre and we really seemed to hit it off. Not sure if anything will come of it. Only time will tell.

That's all for now!

[DumpedforMIL]

hi ken. it's nice to see your update. they've been asking about you over in the infidelity forum. a thread dedicated to "where in the world is ken?" at least, i think they were talking about you.

d.

[Ken62]

Thanks DFM but that is a different Ken. Ken5140 and I hope he is doing well.

[DumpedforMIL]

Thanks DFM but that is a different Ken. Ken5140 and I hope he is doing well.

oops.

so embarrassing. i guess i haven't been around long enough to know that they were talking about a different ken.

[Ken62]

Long Update:

Well I knew XW was going to be coming back to town the week of August 14 to find/move in to an apartment. D21 went out to breakfast with her on Friday August 20 and XW told D21 that OM would be staying back in Illinois and that they would be doing a long distance relationship. Not sure what to make of that but oh well. XW also told D21 that she has been having trouble “tracking”! When I asked D21 what that meant she described it as XW is having trouble remembering things in a correct chronological sequence. I’m not sure if that is the true definition. I’ve had other people tell me that it can mean that XW is having trouble staying focused and staying on task. Any ideas out there?

Opening night for my show was also that Friday night. D21 and some of my friends came to opening night. I had to grow a mustache for the show and I’m not fond of it at all and everyone likes to tease me about it! It went well but I didn’t get to bask in the high for very long because the next morning I received the following e-mail/bomb from XW.

<Begin XW e-mail>

Hi Ken,

I hope your opening weekend went well. The summer has gone by fast and in preparation to return to Colorado to live, I have come to Denver to arrange for an apartment and to take care of some caroling business. As of yesterday, I have moved into another apt. in the same complex as before, and will head back to Illinois on Sunday to finish up the summer there, and will return after Labor Day weekend.

I have some interesting caroling news that I want to share with you. I wanted you to know before the announcement was made, and the Caroling owners agreed with my telling you first, but asked that you not tell anyone before they get a chance to tell everyone in a mass email later today (Saturday).

After careful consideration and much discussion with the Caroling owners, I have agreed to assume ownership of the Caroling Company. To that end, I have had to act fast to form a company/LLC. Thankfully the Caroling owners will still be helping out as consultants for the next two caroling seasons.

I ask you to give careful consideration to this upcoming season. I am not alone in the belief that you are one of our strongest performers. I do not know whether or not you wish to (or are available) to carol this year, but I hope you will continue with us as long as you are happy doing so.

If you want to discuss this further, give me a call or we can email back and forth if that is more convenient.

Sincerely,

XW

<End XW e-mail>

XW and I have belonged to this Caroling group for 10 years (it has been around for 24 years and the current owners have owned it for the past 17 years) and have loved being a part of it every Holiday Season. Last year was the most that XW and I caroled together and XW has been the booking manager for the last two years. My body temperature did go up a bit when I first read the e-mail but it didn’t last long and my gut told me that it really wasn’t a big deal and that I probably would carol again this year. D21 had been told by XW at breakfast the day before and XW also told S24 that morning and both kids made themselves available to me if I wanted to talk to them about it. They both hoped that I would continue to carol because they know how much I love it.

I then received an e-mail from the Caroling owners. The main reason that the current owners are selling after 17 years is because they are in the process of adopting two Latvian sisters. I had many talks with them before, during and after the caroling season last year about XW and my situation.

<Begin Caroling owners e-mail>

Hi Ken - We know that XW emailed you earlier to let you know what has transpired with the Caroling Company. One of the things that has concerned us is how this affects you. We value your friendship and still feel heartbroken about what you have gone through in this last year.

The decision we reached with XW is strictly a business decision and one we felt we needed to make at this critical time in our lives. We don't know what you'll decide to do, but we do know that you have always added tremendous value to the Caroling Company in the past and for that we are very grateful.

Most important to us is that this not affect our friendship with you in any way. Our thoughts and prayers are still very much with you.

Much Love,

The Caroling owners

<End Caroling owners e-mail>

I had called and left a voicemail for the owners before I noticed this e-mail and then I also responded to the owners with the following e-mail.

<Begin my e-mail to owners>

Hi Caroling owners,

I have already left you a voice mail (before I read your e-mail) and want you to know that I totally understand your decision to sell the Caroling business to XW. In some ways I can feel that I helped make it happen. It would have been even better to have been a co-partner with XW in this venture but that was not God's plan. I truly am very happy for you both and XW and hope that this helps get you closer to your adoption goal.

As I said in my voicemail, my gut tells me that I will continue to carol with the Caroling Company because I do love it so much and I also want XW to succeed and thrive. It has been a very interesting year to say the least and I truly appreciate your love and support. I have come quite a way from our sushi dinner last November and I would love to get together again and talk to you both about everything that has happened from my perspective. I know that with your new business arrangement with XW that it may not be possible because I do NOT want to put you in an uncomfortable situation.

I do have concerns with XW's mental state but I haven't really talked to her or seen her since May. The situation with the kids is still very sad and I'm sure that XW still blames me for a lot that has happened. I'm not sure if she is in counseling (I still am and D21 has even gone to see my counselor on her own) but that is really none of my business anymore. That all being said I do hope that XW thrives and succeeds with this new venture of hers.

I do thank you for your continuing thoughts and prayers and I want you to know that I am still praying for both of you and the girls.

With love also,

Ken

<End my e-mail to owners>

<Begin Caroling owners reply e-mail>

Ken,

We did get your VM too. Thank you for being so gracious, professional and understanding. It has not been lost on us that you were partly responsible for this being able to happen. This will help us towards our goal. Mostly, it will go to making our personal finances a little more sturdy for our application process and for when the girls get here. So don't be surprised when you see continued fundraising efforts. : ) It's a huge undertaking for sure.

After a bit more time has passed, we would love to get back together to catch up. It's true that at the moment the timing is not the best for that. It might interest you to know that XW does not talk about it from her perspective at all. Since we are in a business venture together she has kept the two very separate.

Again, we so appreciate the high road that you have taken. Your understanding means a lot to us.

The Caroling owners

<End Caroling owners reply e-mail>

I talked to several people that day and some thought I should take a year off and others thought that I should do whatever feels right. My sisters all agreed that I should do what I want to do but to keep my boundaries and if it gets bad to be sure to have a way out of my contract if need be. I talked to a new lady friend of mine for over an hour about it. She is going through her own crisis with her separated husband and her D9 and D7. It was a wonderful talk and I told her most of the back story about XW and me and she had some very good questions. The ironic thing that we found out during the conversation is that we share the same birthday! That is kind of weird if you ask me.

I decided that on my way to the theatre that night that I would call XW and tell her what I had decided. It went to voicemail so I left a very upbeat message congratulating her and telling her that I planned on still caroling. As I finished my voice mail she was calling me back after missing my call. We talked for about ten minutes and we hadn’t talked since we had last seen each other 3 months ago when she showed up at church back in May.

I again congratulated her and told her that I planned on returning. I offered to be a sounding board if she every wanted me to do that for her and I also offered my house for rehearsals but also mentioned that if it would be too difficult for XW to be in the home that I understood.

I also used the conversation to warn XW that I would be starting the annulment process soon and that I would need her new address so that the church could contact her.

I then sent the following e-mail to XW a few days later.

<Begin my e-mail>

Hi ODC,

I just wanted to say again how genuinely thrilled I am for you on acquiring the Caroling Company. I'm not sure how I sounded in my voicemail or on the phone that night so I just wanted to put it in writing. I think it is a perfect thing for you to do because we both know of your drive, passion and love for caroling with the Caroling Company and I'm sure that it will translate into big success for you. D21 mentioned that you had said that the Caroling owners had approached you numerous times but that you put them off because you were concerned about how it would affect me (hopefully I got that right). I want to thank you for thinking of me in that way but please know that it was not necessary.

I forgot to tell you how much I LOVE the name of your company! Your brother, I'm sure is very pleased!

Hope your travels continue to be safe and know that I want only happiness for both you and I in our new lives.

Looking forward to seeing you this Fall at Caroling meetings/rehearsals,

Ken

P.S. I did call and tell D19 the big news. (I hope you don't mind.)

<End my e-mail>

The reason I told D19 about it is because D19 has made it clear to XW that she “needs space” and does not want to hear from XW. I haven’t heard back from XW an frankly I would be surprised if she were to reply.

I did however receive one more e-mail from XW on Tuesday night.

<Begin XW e-mail>

Hi Ken, I just wanted to let you know that I did hear back from my employer today and my appeal was denied. Of course, I am very disappointed. I have attached the letter they sent and from what they say in it, I guess I wonder what kind of scenarios would be acceptable. I do not know what to do at this point other than to begin shopping for insurance. Just thought you should know.

Thanks,
XW

<End XW e-mail>

I have no intention of replying to this. I contacted XW back on June 29 and told her that her employer had left a long VM for her at the house about the fact that she was not signed up for insurance but she responded that “they have their wires crossed” and that it was not a big deal. Now she doesn’t have insurance but I have nothing to feel guilty about. I’m sure XW wants to blame me for this but I did everything possible to make sure she had health insurance. She just dropped the ball.

Sorry for the long post but I wanted to get it all out there.

[Ken62]

Yesterday would have been our 25th Anniversary. Received the following e-mail from XW yesterday morning.

<Begin XW e-mail>

Subject: Today I celebrate yo and our family

Dear Ken,

I celebrate today. Twenty-five years ago we officially began our family. I learned a lot from you as we grew up together and I couldn't be more proud of our three children and the life we built together for them.

I hope you are well and I look forward to a time when we can meet for lunch or dinner and catch up.

Have a great day, Ken.

Sincerely,
XW

<End of e-mail>

Any ideas on how to interpret this? All I can say is WTF! The use of the word "celebrate" is what really kills me!

Comments welcome!

[robx]

...I do have concerns with XW's mental state but I haven't really talked to her or seen her since May. The situation with the kids is still very sad and I'm sure that XW still blames me for a lot that has happened. I'm not sure if she is in counseling (I still am and D21 has even gone to see my counselor on her own) but that is really none of my business anymore. That all being said I do hope that XW thrives and succeeds with this new venture of hers.

You actually sent a letter to someone and mentioned your ex wife's mental state? You talked about the "situation" and what your ex wife might blame you for, if she's in counseling, if you are, etc. etc. etc.

Are you serious?

That is nuts.

Ken, you never send a letter discussing such personal details to other people. It makes people uncomfortable, no matter how much they love & care for you and how much you love & care for them, you don't burden others with this kind of information. If no one else has told you, I will be the one, you cross many personal boundaries sharing this kind of information with other people, boundaries which make people feel very uncomfortable even if they're too kind to let you know that.

[Dane]

I would not respond at all. As hard as it is, ignore it like it did not happen.

[robx]

Yesterday would have been our 25th Anniversary. Received the following e-mail from XW yesterday morning.

<Begin XW e-mail>

Subject: Today I celebrate yo and our family

Dear Ken,

I celebrate today. Twenty-five years ago we officially began our family. I learned a lot from you as we grew up together and I couldn't be more proud of our three children and the life we built together for them.

I hope you are well and I look forward to a time when we can meet for lunch or dinner and catch up.

Have a great day, Ken.

Sincerely,
XW

<End of e-mail>

Any ideas on how to interpret this? All I can say is WTF! The use of the word "celebrate" is what really kills me!

Comments welcome!

Well you can tell her,
"celebrate" is a weird way of describing what happened between the two of you and your family. You are happy she's in a good place in her life and you are in a good place in your own life and follow up with "if you're offering to buy me dinner, I will always say YES! ;-)"

Your response doesn't have to be long winded, needy, clingy, sad and depressing, it should be the opposite, upbeat, happy, everything is great (isn't everything great? if not, it should be!).

Don't beat her up in an email or in person,
you're mature and you've gotten past all of this (you should be getting past all of this, what else is there to hold on to?)

Have you been dating?
How is that going?
How is life in general?
Everything good I hope.