WAW wants to know when I'm leaving house!?

[SweetCyborg]

I'm at the house, she's at a friends. I talked about leaving town to go back to a city I love (NYC) after she left last week, and she wants to know
how soon? I've 'gone dark' and it's hard. I know she would love to be in the house for a month while I'm away not bouncing b/w her mom's, friends... We know we'll lose the house if we D, which she seems firm about even if it's only been two weeks. She's very stubborn.

I don't want to rush anything and I think a month or two before I go, is plenty. I have a good, stable job, but my heart is too broken to stay in this crummy midwest town I came to for HER!

Yes, I am trying to GAL, but it's so soon and devastating (I'm really sensitive), it's sometimes hard to get off the couch other than to go to work. But I have worked out, seen friends, made plans.

Going to NYC would be for ME, she could always join me later
but would have to really want to work on M. I'm afraid though if I leave we'll never get it back.


Quick update:
Separated this time for two weeks, (two years ago for a year after she had a PA, and tried to reconcile). I hadn't read DB last time we reconciled and hadn't completely forgiven.

[Onthemountaintop]

Working out feels great, doesn't it?

Why to rush to go to NYC? Do you have a job still in Michigan? If you leave, I'd agree it doesn't sound likely you'd be getting things back together. If you felt that you needed to cut off contact, that is pretty big.

If you had a great job offer there, I could see why you'd go. I'd gather she would as well. If you left without a strong pulling factor, I would wonder if that is like saying you gave up on the town she wanted you to come to, so maybe you're giving up on her.

By the way, you said "tried to reconcile". Does that mean you are still angry/hurt over that? If you are and you can't work it out with your IC or yourself, I wonder if you could get back together again without first getting past that.

[SweetCyborg]

OTMT, there's some good food for thought there.

Yes, I do have a good, steady job here in Michigan, and If I leave, yes it would be heard to get bck together (tho' she visists NYC frequently).

I've been applying for jobs there for the last couple of years, a) b/c the pay here isn't great, b) I miss the city where we had so much fun and many friends, c) I need to get back to 'me'

Yes, I was still angry/hurt and could NOT let it go, though I tried and tried. I hadn't read DB, but we went to MC (wife was always angry felt ganged-up on), and my IC didn't really help me in learning how to forgive. THAT was the poison that has us here now. I'm not blaming myself entirely, b/c WAW wife called OM just a couple of weeks ago (after I went to bed and she'd had some wine), and they had a long email exchange three months ago as weel about 'what happened, why, can't they still be friends'... THey still work together on the same floor, so you maybe can imagine how it's hard to let go when there are still threads of contact.

It's like ripping the scab off everyday.