So why is it that my H....who said he wanted to be on his own, not married to me anymore...wanted to get his own place so he could have the kids over...which never happened....why did he go straight to OW and move in with her if he so wanted to be alone or at least on his own...that...I don't understand?
I haven't seen him in 6 weeks...a text here and there, my son is scheduled for surgery on the 23rd and I had texted H that he NEEDED to help me because I have to go to work also or we wont survive...he said, "just let me know"...I'm scheduling the surgery, trying to schedule relatives to help w my son so I dont have to ask H....it's nothing to H cause like always, I'm taking care of it all....
I don't really care to see H right now, really and truly, I just think it crosses my mind at odd times...I did have a few bad crying days last week but I was also worried about finances, kids, wedding, graduation, etc....everything that requires cash that H says he can't get....
At this point I don't know what is going to happen except probably the divorce...he tells me most times that he talks to me that we need to move forward with it...Im doing NOTHING to help him....he can pay for it all and do all the work...I will not even go to the courthouse...my attorney said she would stand in for me that all I have to do is sign papers before she goes...of course she said we will make sure we agree before it is all done...I do really like her....
anyhow, sorry to ramble....thanks for all your input...
It's ok about the rambling, but do you realize you hijacked Round2's thread? Your misery is such that you weren't paying attention to where you were, and I feel for you deeply. I dragged your post over to your thread to answer it. I hope Round2 will come by, she is new in this and a sweet lady. She is in a similar situation. There are some things in this mess we will never understand, and among those are the motivations of a MLC'er.
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So why is it that my H....who said he wanted to be on his own, not married to me anymore...wanted to get his own place so he could have the kids over...which never happened....why did he go straight to OW and move in with her if he so wanted to be alone or at least on his own...that...I don't understand?
He one confused puppy, doesn't really KNOW what he wants, Treese. Plus the fact that when their lips are moving, nine times out of ten, they are LYING; mainly again, because THEY don't really know WHAT they want. The confusion is really deep within them; nothing you can do to help him. He is guilty as sin, and he said one thing and did another; common for a MLC'er to do. You learn to listen to nothing they say, and watch half of what they do...it's ALL confusing. OW is a way to distract him from his issues; and for now until such a time as when he MIGHT wake up, you'll have to do what you need to do for yourself, and learn to live a life without him.
He thinks that getting this divorce is going to end his pain; he doesn't know that it won't. He'll find that out when the divorce finalizes if it goes that far. Or he won't; but again, you can do NOTHING to help him now.
You have to let him fall and bump his head; and see how things go; in the meantime, get your journey started to see what needs to be dealt with within YOU. You MUST detach and distance from his drama, such as it is, and work on YOU.
Listen to what Snodderly is telling you; she's been there, dealt with it; and it was not easy for her either at first. It never is for anyone who's been put in this position.
This is a lady of great strength, and you CAN reach the same place she is in, Treese, I promise you can.
I cannot say I've been there with the divorce issues; I came close, but it didn't happen. Doesn't mean I couldn't have gone there if my husband had wanted that.
There was a time during this that I came to realize that I would be all right, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED....and you will, too.
Give this time, much prayer, give yourself some TLC; you deserve it.
Detach, distance, begin work on YOU..leave him alone, and that means learning to let go and let God work within the situation. His time is not our time, and in time, you'll feel better about yourself.
When people do things to others it has NOTHING to do with the person it's done to, but a problem with the person who commits the act.
What your husband is doing has NOTHING to do with YOU; Treese..HE is HIS problem, don't make him yours.
I know you're still grieving, and still trying to understand; and that also takes time to get through.
I honestly feel your pain, Treese.
((((((((((Treese)))))))))))))
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
OMG!!! I'm so sorry for hijacking....I'm so caught up in this crap that it's all running together...SORRY ROUND2....
YOu all give me great advice now I just have to bang my head and start listening...I have gotten a life...so much more than I ever used to...I am having fun with my kids and planning the wedding...and I am working on me....I know I did my share in the fall out of the marriage so I am working hard are making me a better me... I am learning to do soooooo much....I feel more independent every day.
I've been praying basically thanking God for everything I DO have.....You are right...I will be Okay....
I will see H on Friday, our son has an important doctor visit...please keep him in your prayers also....
Take Care & Thank you so much for being here....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I'm on the alt but don't talk about here on there because of my kids....you can find me I'm easy to find...looking for you too... Terisa
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I think I just found you on the FB.....woohoo.....
Is your pic a baby pic?
I'm new to it so I'm a little slow....
Thanks for checking in Jack....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I think it was all right to hijack R2's thread; she never said anything about it.
You can find me on the alt, too, screen name is spelled out; I have a regular account there, also, but keep them separated.
My time is limited, but I'm attempting to keep up as I can.
I'd kept checking back here for you, was getting a little worried; but understand you're busy, too; knew you were ok.
I don't mind listening to vents, helping people sort things out; have been there, done that too, myself...and it helped to have someone who will listen.
Venting is also part of the purging/healing process gone through as we pass through one stage to another in our lives; we learn, purge and heal one stage at a time.
The answers are within YOU..you learn to access those within; and sometimes as you get it all out, the answers for you will come; and you see/hear them as you "talk it out."
When you keep it all in your head; it has a tendency to look MUCH worse than it does when you throw it all out on the table to be looked at.
Do something nice for yourself..it doesn't have to be something elaborate; but something for YOU to help you to feel better about yourself...you cannot control what happens, but you can take care of yourself; going on with your life...as this, too, shall pass in time.
Much love, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
I just don't speak of the forum....I keep it totally seperate...
Terisa
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
