Life on my own!

[Treese]

Hello everyone....I've been away for a little while...I guess just trying to get through days...it will be 3 years since the bomb in June...time to get it through my thick head that he's done with me..

I was doing pretty well and then gloomy weather hit and into a depression I went...the lonliness, the crying, just struggling.

H has made it clear at this point that we are done..actually sent me an email saying we've reflected long enough and the kids need closure..more of a business letter than anything..he can never call me about it, always has to email me. I did end up calling him and I didnt cry..I don't know why maybe I'm in a fog myself...

I go to bed usually early, wake up several times in the night, have nightmares, etc..not healthy at all..I do know we're done but I just can't get to that point of acceptance.I don't understand why.

H has basically made a whole new life w OW..he says he is happy. He lives with her and her daughter. never sees his own kids, which I still don't get, but he will tell me that it kills him not to have a relationship with his kids..pretty much blames me for not having that. I have NEVER kept my H from his kids...EVER! More has happened and my girls say that there dad is getting back at me somehow..I don't know..

I have texted my H to let him know I really need money..I cant keep above water and he just ignores my texts...now he just texted me and said he'll call me tonight...I guess I'm kind of afraid of the call...I know he will call and say we just need to move forward with the divorce..I'm not emotionally ready to hear that..I know it's inevitable and I guess I just better put my big girl panties on and just get through it..

He has told me he is happy with his new life, and that he wants his relationship with his kids. He wants it all and I almost see it as he's won..I know that sounds like all crap but it's what you feel...you feel as if you've been defeated.

I have no fight left...he will be able to get the attorney and get what he wants, I will just have to agree because I don't have money for an attorney...I was able to talk to one over the summer but she needs $3000...i don't have it. H can get an attorney through his job for really cheap..

I guess it's not MLC after all, just a H who got tired of his wife and walked out...he ran, never tried.

He somehow can look me in the eye when he does see me, with confidence, and assurance. I know he sees pain in mine..I realize I've hurt chances, but I've tried, really I have..It's just not as easy as it seems...

Sorry to vent, haven't in a while...just a little down..

[Treese]

It seems that most of the MLCer's are in counseling..my H wanted nothing to do with it...said, he wasnt going anywhere with me, and I was who he always thought I was...someone tell me what that means..

I put my family first...I stayed home and took care of everything...he knows that...

[naej]

Treese I am sorry to hear you so down but you know I have always felt your h was similar to mine. He just walked and never looked back, refused c but set up mediation for his kids, they in turn refused to go.
So 10 years on and he has only in the last 2 years made contact with them !!. Seen his d 3 times for a few hours each time,she only agreed to this because she had a child and did it for him.
Like you I will never understand the whys and how but I eventually had to agree to the D because of financial reasons. I was forced to let go and it was a good thing because I think I would never have done it.
I was a SHM too,married 31 years and been together since childhood.
He remaried (the A partner) says he is happy and moved abroad has a new life completely. We have had no communication in 7 years proper I did let him know he had a g/son. First person I told crazy after all that time.
You will get through this but you must stop looking for answers or reasons because there probably are none. I did this till it drove me crazy.
Please make sure you look after yourself financially,treat it as purely business and beg borrow or steal the money to get the legal help you need.

I so understand how you feel.maybe they are the men they always were but we overlooked much because we loved them and life chugged along.
Take care of you and your kids. They must decide if they want a relationship with their dad. My d said after the first meeting it was like a stranger visiting,looked like her dad but he wasn't.
Like you I never ever prevented them seeing him,he says I did but now he says he didn't want to be rejected again?
My heart knows the truth and that is all I need to know.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((((Treese)))))))
I think there are ways that he can be compelled to pay your legal expenses, but I don't know them. Even thought the lawyer to talked to needs money, I'd try to talk to her once more, and ask what your options are.

Don't give up on yourself! I won't, either!

[iluvme55]

I dont know if you work but maybe legal aid could help with someone to represent you???? breaks my heart to see your pain I know it all too well....3 yrs for me as well.....mine is going before the judge on Wed. for child support.....I think mine is happy as well with his NEW LIFE, while we barley scrape by on what I make...but you know what, God has always provided for me and our daughter...we have never gone to bed hungry... had a roof over our head and clothes on our back and a clear conscience and anything else I have needed...as NAEJ said I know the truth....

[job]

Treese,
Only a very few MLCers will go for counseling and that is generally to please the spouse and then off they go to do their own thing. Those that are sincere are the ones very, very close to finishing their crisis.

As for your h, let him go completely. This means physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He's been gone a long time and now you have to completely cut the ties and allow man/child to live out his fantasy w/the ow. You need to take care of yourself and your children. You have a daughter who is getting married and she needs your attention and support.

You need to start thinking like a single woman and plan out your future w/o him. If he should reappear at some point, that is when it will be up to you as to what you want. However, for now, let him go and look to your future and the future of your children for now.

P.S. DO NOT TAKE OWNERSHIP FOR THE BLAME HE'S SHOVELING ON TO YOU ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP W/HIS CHILDREN.....THIS IS HIS PROBLEM!

[Treese]

Thanks everyone....

I texted H yesterday about talking about the finances and how I really need some financial help..He actually texted me back and said he was going to call me later in the evening...
So, guess what? LOL.... He didn't call, now that's shocking??NOT! He texted me to tell me he was still at the office, which was probably a lie too, and that he didn't think he could get any money...I did not answer him....I will now do what I have to do....for Heaven's sake we have a daughter getting married and it's not free...
Really as far as me GAL...I have...I do lots of stuff now..it's just the days that the memories come racing in...I do want to keep the memories, I just have to learn HOW to do that without letting it take over my life...

OW can have him right now...they are together because of lies. and one of these days it will come around...

My d23 asked me last night if her dad knew she didn't want him to bring OW to her wedding...I told her that I had mentioned it to him but she would have to tell him herself as I don't talk to him. She doesn't want drama and I respect her decision...I am not bringing anyone either...this is her day...it's not about us or our problems...she deserves the attention..

It will be okay...I know...

[ddstartingover]

Treese - I've been wondering about you. I'm so sorry to hear that things are not better for you. I know we both thought when we found this place that we would be able to reclaim our marriage and our spouses.....but it looks like that that is not meant to be. Instead, we must reclaim ourselves, our lives and our futures. It is so hard for me to accept that I will not get answers, but I know that is what I must do. Are you on the alt?

[Treese]

As a matter of fact I am on the Alt! Just did it last week....still learning the ropes....are you?

[Cadet]

yes she is, are you a fan of divorce busting?