I was wondering how your week was going. Wow, busy times! I am glad things are going well! Have a blast on your trip.
One suggestion to try....
"he hurt my feelings and when he asked what was wrong, I told him. Unfortunately I was crying when I answered,"
When he hurts your feelings, don't let the hurt fester so you get that upset! Immediately say,"Ouch! That hurt!" Just as if he stepped on your toe. He probably didn't mean it. (Guys can be knuckleheaded) Let him say he's sorry or whatever and let it go. Save your energy for the "big issue".
Have fun!!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thanks everyone, I had an amazing time in Las Vegas! There was a lot of good training both for business and for life in general. I even broke a 1 inch thick board with my hand...very powerful stuff. I also managed to not leave my marital situation at home. But it also wasn't crippling and I didn't dwell on it every moment. But these are my sisters and we all take care of each other. And so I shared some of my struggles and triumphs with them. I also was too busy to call or take calls from my H for most of the trip. I definitely didn't have to fake that! Oof! It was constant on-the-go the entire four days.
And then I came home and wondered if I had stepped into the twilight zone. My H had really missed me. He bought me a rose and wine. He's been affectionate ever since I walked through the door. When I told him I want to build a $100,000 team in my business (a huge milestone and a long way up from where I am right now) he didn't even bat an eye. He completely believes in me and wants to help me get there. My own mother expressed doubt as to whether or not I could really succeed.
It's like I had a husband transplant while I was away. He hasn't said anything about MC that I asked for, but I'm looking for the right time to bring it up. And the OW is still on his FB page, which is more than irritating. I have to find a good time to bring it up and be calm and diplomatic but also very clear.
I am optimistic, but still cautious.
Chatterbug, Vegas is very cool. I highly recommend taking in a show (Circ de Soleil or one of the magicians possibly) and also getting over to Mandalay Bay to the Aquarium.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
Good signs! Have you read Why Men Love Bitches? Probably a good read for you right now. Welcome back.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
It's like I had a husband transplant while I was away. He hasn't said anything about MC that I asked for, but I'm looking for the right time to bring it up. And the OW is still on his FB page, which is more than irritating. I have to find a good time to bring it up and be calm and diplomatic but also very clear.
Glad you are back! Now please use your confidence to insist that he cut OW out of his life and go to MC. I agree you can be diplomatic but follow up on him!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Guess who e-mailed me this morning (on FB of all things) - the OW. And it really changed the outlook for my day.
Because it started BADLY! My S3 is sick and his daddy is home on a four day weekend. BUT H has a weak stomach so I had to clean up sick little guy at 7:00. Not the best start to my day.
But then I checked my e-mail. This what OW had to say -
Well, since [H's name] hasn't called me in almost two weeks (since I went to Las Vegas apparently) I guess you win. I know he is alive and well because I'm just sly like that. (She's on his FB page! How 'sly' does she think that makes her?) I hope it all works out for you, but I doubt it will. Karma is funny like that.
I laughed. This by no means indicates that things are "back to normal" whatever that means, but it was definitely a brighter way to start the day. I couldn't help but note the irony of her invoking karma. I paid my debt and I think perhaps she should be a little more concerned as to what this will mean for her. And what's this about 'winning'? He isn't some toy for her to argue with me over. He is my H and she never had a valid claim. I, of course, had huge moments of fear and doubt as you all well know. But she doesn't and I hope she's feeling the well-deserved disappointment and hurt of being dumped without so much as an goodbye.
I won't respond; what on earth would I want to talk to her for? But I thought I'd share my thoughts with all of you. I went through my H's FB to see what she had been posting about her "break-up" and it was nauseating to see her mourn the loss of her "soul-mate." Too bad he was someone else's H, b^tch.
So now we are going to have R talk, not too long and thankfully now I can do it without a knot in my stomach. I'm going to bring up counseling and the Retrouvaille (sp?) retreat on our anniversary. He also suggested a marriage retreat sponsored by his unit next month in Tucson.
Wish me luck on working with him to heal and move forward.
I will be around, but work has picked up (finally) and I am getting out of the house and doing things so often that I hardly ever sit at the computer except to place orders for my business.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
Congratulations, Undefeated! That email must have been quite the pick-me-up on a bad day. Good luck with the reconciliation. You have made tremendous progress.
Too bad he was someone else's H, b^tch.