I am going to post this on the newcomers and separated forums .
I have been 5 years through this process. I have Db I am separated There have been lies There have been court cases There is other people now. There are 3 children involved- all young adults. There is daily upset by the 3 children caused by the Father and his woman. This is the ugliest divorce known to mankind
AND STILL I GIVE A DAM ABOUT THIS MAN
Why do I care. I want to get on with my life and Iam but constantling drawn back to the loss of the family unit, the loss of the man himself.
It must be really difficult for you to get him out of your mind but life is too short for you to stay in this mode forever. Live like you don't have another day (in fact many around the world don't) and live your life to the fullest - for you and the children.
I have a " friend " I have just been accepted for a new job ( which I dont need ) I have my own business I am active in sports ( I think shopping is now recognised as a sport ?) I laugh I socialise
I feel right now that I could not commit to another person. I still get those shooting chest pains when i hear about WAS new woman. I hurt tremendously for my kids as they contemplate and act out their feelings of abandonment.
Do I leave the country - start again ? I can DB no more than I am and I can get no more of a life externally than I do- but I cannot move on inside. I love the father of my kids. I care about him.
But the feeling continues to polarize me emotionally.
Pollyanna, that sounds like a really painful place to be. I can understand not being able to let go of being an intact family. Most women I know invest soooo much in their families, and give up a lot to make things work. When the foundation of the family crumbles, it's our nature to not give up. I'm asking myself if it's harder for me to let go of the R or the intact family? I think it's the latter because in some ways I've had longer to accept that the R isn't going well, meeting my needs, reciprocal, etc.
It's hard to see your children in pain. Probably the best thing you can do for them right now is to role model finding a genuine place of peace and acceptance of what is. Easy to write, I know <rolling eyes at myself>.
I posted in Awoken's thread what I want to do to help myself with dealing with my own thinking. I think that I want to put some focus on doing The Work. I am suffering because I am believing my thoughts. I need to challenge those thoughts. I want to re-read the book I Need Your Love - Is that True?. It's a great book and it helps me to see that there are other ways of looking at love than the way that I am stuck in now.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thanks flowmom - i realise that even though i have moved on in the physical outward sense. i have not internally. It has to be subconsciously that i have harboured these dreams of reuniting. i am shocked at myself and feel it is not something i can talk about with people around me.
sooo the question becomes does the realisation alone that I have not moved on start the final process of letting it go.
I hate hate hate the OW. I could never ever imagine sitting down at any event with her. Would kill me. The frightening thing for me is that i thought i was over all this. I dislike feeling this sad way.
