(((((CG))))) Please don't beat yourself up. From your description, it really sounds like there was nothing to hear. It sounds like he went peacefully, if that's any help.
Thank you for all the kind thoughts. I am just shocked. I guess he must have had a heart attack or maybe choked or something.
I was just thinking back to a few years ago. I went in the basement and I saw this long black wooden box that almost went to the ceiling and I thought to myself WTF is that for? It was around Christmas. Tom put that up because one of the little boys that live here was so upset he had no chimney for Santa to slide down. So Tom made a "chimney" so the kids would think Santa has a way to enter. Every year after that he brought out the "chimney" so the kids could see it.
Our building is so quiet right now, it feels weird.
I am very upset right now and could use some advice, 2x4'ing or *something*.
I am not sure why but I am sitting here in tears and feeling very hurt right now.
Last week my H e-mailed me not once but twice. I didn't respond to either as when I didn't respond he texted me wanting to know why. The next day I e-mailed him back. Fine.
He told me he is getting very busy at work and it would be much better if I could e-mail him at gmail. Fine.
We still have a few things to work out and I would MUCH prefer to do those remaining tasks over e-mail.
My H doesn't check his gmail often (maybe once a week) so when I do respond to him regarding our business it often sits there for days upon days without a response. I just figure he will get to it when he can. On the other hand when I don't respond in 5 minutes to him he is on my ass to "hurry up and get things done".
This morning he e-mailed me back regarding a business matter. Note, the message he just sent was in response to a message I sent him over a week ago.
I responded by telling him that I feel very disrespected when he waits days and days to respond to my business messages but when he sends one he pesters me until I answer. I pointed out to him I am communicating in the way he asked (gmail and not work e-mail) and yet he still can't be bothered.
He responds back with his usual.. I am sorry, my bad, I am sorry you feel disrespected and he will try and get in the habit of checking gmail more often. He said he understands why I feel disrespected and he will improve. He will try and get around to taking care of some stuff this weekend but he can't promise anything.
He says this all the time. Nothing changes.
I am so tired of being held to a different standard than him.
I really have NO IDEA why I am crying and so upset.
It's hard when someone we loved and respected can't even show the same respect to us that they would show a stranger off the street.
The only way I see around it is to have no expectations about when, if, or how he will do anything. You are still expecting respect. But clearly, no matter what words come out of his mouth (or fingertips), he can't do it. So try to stop expecting it.
It's ok to feel down. Just make sure you get back up again!
"I really have NO IDEA why I am crying and so upset."
Because, "He says this all the time. Nothing changes."
Because you still have a few things to work out & you will continue to have the crust peeled off the scab occassionally when you do interact.
He holds you to a different standard because he knows he can, and takes advantage of your good nature.
After reading so many of your posts, I see that you are amazingly strong & seem to be able to handle just about everything in a positive, intelligent, thoughtful way. This is about the last thing he 'has' on you & he's prolly not ready to let it go yet.
You're crying because you get treated poorly by someone you had hoped would do otherwise. It's understandable. Life is too short to get treated this way. We all need to respect ourselves enough to let go, completely, of people who don't value or respect us.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I am so tired of being held to a different standard than him.
Why respond to him right away then? Why not let his email sit for a week and just ignore him if he pushes for a response from you? How does he contact you when he wants something? Email, text, phone call, IM?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
H, when you can respond to me in a timely manner, I will reciprocate in the same timely manner. Until then, tah tah, I'm busy.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 01/15/1007:10 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
