I really wonder that too and have for a while. During the height of my situation I was always pleasant and civil to my H but inside all I wanted to do was kick him in the face (wearing 5 inch heels, lol!). The idea of coddling or cuddling him while he was exhibiting such poor, disrespectful and dishonest behavior made me feel physically ill. After hours of listening to him bash and blame me and lie about EVERYTHING he would ask me for a hug, you know 'cause he was just being honest, lol, then get angry when I would wink at him, tell him take care and walk away.
I took the bus three hours EACH WAY to my dr's, diagnostic/lab testing and treatments so I would not have to ask him for a thing. Six hours a day on a bus while very, very ill to get treatment was far more favorable to me then asking him for a DARN THING.
Why would anybody want to cuddle and love on somebody that has treated them so poorly? I don't get it??
Early on in my sitch, I'd take the opportunity to "cuddle" @ night. I guess somehow I thought it would fix it. It didn't - made it worse - she started shunning me like, like -well it wass bad.
Tough Love is what turned my WAS around a bit so far. I did better internally and she responded more when I was distant but not disrespectful.
But that only comes after you make the determination to love & respect yourself. Then next you come to the realization that if she didn't want to join in - than someone else will.
F the cuddling for now that's for HAPPILY Married folks and/or lovers.
I do hope it comes later - it does lead to some real good stuff!!
M43 W43 D11 S7 M18 T20 WAW is back & trying (no she was lying) Close to callin' it busted but.... watching Whatever the outcome - It was a choice.
"Cuddling" smacks of "settling" to me. It is a fine thing within a healthy marital (read sexual) relationship. When it is used as sex-lite in a sex-starved marriage. It seems to cement the power-politics of the relationship.
SpinFree
Last edited by SpinFree; 01/10/1003:56 PM. Reason: grammer
"Cuddling" smacks of "settling" to me. It is a fine thing within a healthy marital (read sexual) relationship. When it is used as sex-lite in a sex-starved marriage. It seems to cement the power-politics of the relationship.
SpinFree
Bullseye!
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
"Cuddling" smacks of "settling" to me. It is a fine thing within a healthy marital (read sexual) relationship. When it is used as sex-lite in a sex-starved marriage. It seems to cement the power-politics of the relationship.
SpinFree
Bullseye!
DITTO! Very good.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
