Hi Wonder, I haven't been to the lawyer yet. Don't know if I should bother. Well, my Ex was very smart... he put our house in an off-shore company so if we divorced it is not recongnized legally as being owned by him therefore it cannot be part of a divorce settlement. My Ex was a planner and planned all these things out. He did not forge my sig - he just signed behind my back and never let me know he was putting the house in an off-shore. He was very deceitful. Well, as far as my finances are concerned he doesn't contribute very much - nothing for me - and very little for my daughter. Since he got married in Dec he has sent nothing.
How do people forget about their children. This is a man who is highly educated, comes from a wealthy family, is the Managing Director of a company and he has behaved without any scruples whatsoever.
I have my own business and thank goodness can support myself and my daughter but just the idea of someone just dumping all their responsibilities like this man did makes my head spin.
I went to see It's Complicated tonight was a nice movie...
Stillalone, I read through the entire topic here again to refresh myself. I'm glad to be back in touch with you. I can relate so very much about how you feel. One day feel empowered, the next complete and utter sadness, wonder who the man was you married? All of the feelings I understand. Personally, about the house being put in an off-shore company, if you didn't sign for that absolutely bring this up to your lawyer. I am thankful you are able to support yourself and your daughter helps things.
How has the counseling been going for you? For me it's like I have to re-program my mind or constantly tell myself you deserve better Nikki, stand up for yourself, your son deserves more, all men aren't this way, fear stops me. Scared of being alone, but ya know I've been emotionally alone for almost three years anyway. Why am I so afraid of letting this go for good?
Hi Nik, I understand your fear. There are so many feelings involved in all this - fear, rejection, sadness, anger... I am up and down too like a roller coaster. But I read Donna's post and it was quite uplifting. Read it if you haven't - it's abot getting past your past there was good info there. Hope it helps you feel better today.
I have seen my counselor a few times... I enjoy the sessions they make me feel better... I think I need a lot more time with him however. I need to work on making my current life happier too. My H is gone - I have to get myself to come to terms with it and I have to let it go and move on. That's what I have to work on this year. I have been wallowing for too long.
I am scared of being alone too... but when I am honest with myself I realize I have to learn to be alone now - and I have to learn to enjoy it - that's the only way I am ever going to be at peace.
You are so very right... I am scared of being alone too... but when I am honest with myself I realize I have to learn to be alone now - and I have to learn to enjoy it - that's the only way I am ever going to be at peace
Stay in touch with me....when you're having a tough day...or any kind of day. I love to help and listen. These boards are so great for that, support. I'm here for you.
Hi Nik, Her post is called Donna new outlook, finding herself #38. There was some great stuff there - made me feel better. Read it and let me know what you think.
I so appreciate your listening and empathy. I find it hard to meet people who understand my sadness over my divorce. I think it's hard to really get it until it happens to you. Most of my friends are married and they listen - one of them has been so supportive and listens endlessly (she's a godsend) but it's hard for them to relate completely.
Can you let me know about your story - I would love to be able to give you support as well...
I think it hard not to hate being alone when it seems that most people are by my age (I just turned 40!!) are in a relationship - married - building a life together. And I really thought I did all the right things. And now I find myself starting all over again which is so much more difficult for a woman to do...
Well I'm 31 my H is 30. Been together since HS, 13 years, married for 7. We have a 2.5 year old son. My H after we had our son had an affair with my EXbest friend of a decade. Checked the cell phone bills, found a letter he wrote her, confronted her and him both. Both denied. He began drinking heavily. We separated February two years ago. He drank drank drank became severly depressed. The affair ended two years ago March. He did outpatient treatment for 6 weeks to apease me and his parents. Things worsened after....the first round of treatment...he bounced around bars telling his sob story finding empathy in women....and eventually Jan 3 of last year was the last night he drank. His dad and i pulled him out of a bar and I said I'm walking. I'm done can't do this anymore. He did inpatient treatment for 60 days about an hour south of where we live. He moved back home...things were going well...and then he got laid off in November. He said I'm not happy, think we should just be done, etc. My son and I moved out back to my parents, where we currently are. He is manic depressed and has started drinking again...small amounts ...now but probably only a matter of time. There are days where I think we're going to be better off but there is much history with him and we have our son. Thing is there was NONE of this prior to the affair. NONE. Not even a glimpse. I was his world for years and years so this new person....he has become in the last 2.5 years is foreign but the norm sadly now. He pulls the pity like nobody's business...hate my life, don't see it getting better anytime soon, I have no friends, no life, life is falling apart, wonder if today will be the day I take all the pills, etc. etc. He is due to see a psychiatrist in a week and doesn't seem to be following through with IC.
I'm stuck...unsure of a future with him as he is...but can things ever go back to the same or even somewhat? He needs a lot of help. My self esteem took a severe blow in the last two years...at first I was desparate to hang on to make it work I was unhealthy, codependent, ill as well. Thought no one's going to want to be with me....I'm baggage, I must not be attractive enough, etc. etc. You can imagine. But I've been doing lots of counseling, books, journaling, church, groups, support, etc. Different person now. It's weird because most of the time I am pretty happy given the circumstances and really he only seems to drag me down or hurt me. But it's hard to let go entirely....I don't know anything else....at all! He's all I've ever known. I'm scared ....not sure of what to do...at this point I'm moving forward with my life..finishing school, I'm first on the waiting list for the townhome I want, raise my son, and if he comes around great if not well I'm that much more prepared for life without him. Just want to be happy and I do want companionship I truly do miss that, miss holding hands, kissing, someone to sleep next to ....all those things.
Thanks for sharing that with me... I am glad to hear all the work you've done with couseling etc has helped.
I just went on a blind date... Awful - while my exH is at home with his new wife... It's so unfair I can hardly tolerate to think about it - it's just awful.
Having a very bad night... Am so angry tonight. So angry about my life and how it's turned out so far. My father said to me "there were so many red flags" that the guy was no good. But really how was I supposed to know he would turn out to be such an a##hole? I guess the lesson to learn is never ever be so trusting. When someone shows you who they are you have to pay attention. I think that's so true. People will always reveal themselves. And I was just in denial. He was unemotional and inconsiderate from the 2nd week of marriage. He threw me out after 2 weeks... He would make me cry and then turn his back on me at night. I never deserved that. What was I thinking? Why was I such a fool. How do I stop beating myself up. When do I have a second chance? I am soooooo unhappy right now. I hate my life.
I'm sorry you went through what you did. I know you are pissed and hurting. There's not a lot others can say or do to help with those feelings. You gotta feel them, and get through them...there's no way around them. It does help to spend time with others though. Time has to pass. Period. But we can work on ourselves during this passage of time.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
