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A Message from Michele
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Re: New year, new thread, new R? [Re: still hoping] #1916198
01/14/10 04:45 PM
01/14/10 04:45 PM
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Upside Offline
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Hi sh-
Originally Posted By: still hoping

Feels like the universe is trying to tell me to move on.
I'm at the point I am ready to let what ever is going to happen, just happen. I am going with it and no longer resisting. Sounds like you may be in the same place.

I hope things go well with the new guy. I can understand the feeling of it being over before it has begun...you may not be quite ready to make that jump yet. Try not to get too far ahead of yourself and enjoy the moment.

Take care.

Re: New year, new thread, new R? [Re: Upside] #1916610
01/15/10 12:33 AM
01/15/10 12:33 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
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forward Offline
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It sounds as if you are ready to be divorced. This is the last last resort technique, but maybe you do need to tell him. You just have to be prepared that you will likely wind up divorced.

Your H sounds as if he is still running away.

I found a lot of anger resurfaced w/the divorce.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Re: New year, new thread, new R? [Re: forward] #1916626
01/15/10 01:25 AM
01/15/10 01:25 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,790
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job Offline

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Southern Maryland
Just remember, if you are going to tell him, you must follow through or what you tell him will have no credibility. Actions speak louder than words....just be prepared for anything when you do tell him.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: New year, new thread, new R? [Re: job] #1917679
01/16/10 01:56 PM
01/16/10 01:56 PM
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peacetoday Offline
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sh

It is so hard
especially to see H making progress then again to be made aware that he is Not done
we never know what will happen
but moving forward with your life will help you let go
H may still turn around but what concerns me with these situations is they seem to pull us back in and it gets so confusing..
maybe we can take all the information we have and usr it in the moment
we onky have now
if H is not ready now, we can use that to move ahead
you are young smart and way ahead of most from this experience

also glad you are having fun and thinking of taking a class from a man you are attracted to
that sounds fun
and as Im now experiencing-- the new R is really fun
better than I expected
I may be in love
that I wasnt asking for but it is here
as for xh I think about him less BF more
and the R is really good
we use what weve learned and it works
peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Re: New year, new thread, new R? [Re: peacetoday] #1917773
01/16/10 05:10 PM
01/16/10 05:10 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 795
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still hoping Offline OP
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forward: I think I am ready to be D'ed - I can't really see how being D'ed will make any difference in my life now, since I've been S for 3.5 years already. Do you really think I need to tell him or just proceed as we've spoken about? The topic has been coming up more frequently - most recently, just after Christmas. H is still messed up and is inconsistent. Trying to be friends with me while wanting D, hiring ex-ow to help her financially even though he can no longer stand her, and starting a new R with a girl in another country. H is displaying a lot of anger at work, so it's really starting to resurface, although not towards me.

snodderly: In our last email exchange, H said that he will be the one to file. I have prepared the terms that we need to discuss and am editing and contemplating seriously before I send it to him. Even though I am only thinking about a new R with someone else at this point, I'd feel better if the D were in place first.

peace: In a way, I feel like H is juggling 3 of us. I found out that ex-ow begged H to go back to her, which he refused, saying that his life is much better now without her in it. That was nice, but I just want to remove myself from the drama. I don't need it in my life and it sounds like he has plenty of it without me. H has been nice, but is distant again. No meals together lately and not much conversation. I think H and I are equally distancing ourselves from each other at this point, with both of us interested in other people. That is really not right for 2 people who are supposed to be married. I don't know what will happen with new guy - he may be looking at our meeting as strictly professional and have zero interest. But I feel like even so, I need to start getting myself out there more and living as a single woman. I'm so happy to hear that your R is going well. It isn't always so easy! You have been given another chance. Enjoy every moment.

Re: New year, new thread, new R? [Re: still hoping] #1917984
01/16/10 11:49 PM
01/16/10 11:49 PM
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forward Offline
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SH,
You also have to be prepared that you might not meet someone. I think you need to say enough when you are confident you are OK on your own. I would let him file, but if you are truly prepared for it, yes, bring up the terms.

You could look at it as doing nothing as he continues to spin, but you sound as if you have had enough and want to move on. 3.5 years is a long time (would soon be 3 for me, but we did divorce.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Re: New year, new thread, new R? [Re: forward] #1961868
03/18/10 11:36 PM
03/18/10 11:36 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
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forward Offline
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SH...how are things?


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Re: New year, new thread, new R? [Re: forward] #1964254
03/22/10 03:47 PM
03/22/10 03:47 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 795
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still hoping Offline OP
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Hey forward - I haven't been on here since probably not long after my last post. Got a phone call today from a friend from here so I thought I'd check in. Was so nice to see you checking in on me...

Biggest update I have is that I have officially entered the world of dating. Met someone several months ago who I was interested in - waited several months to do anything about it - and when I was finally ready, initiated contact. It quickly and effortlessly turned into something really exciting and, for lack of a better word, wonderful. Once I opened myself up to the idea of dating, it was much easier than I expected. I'm slowly learning the rules and am enjoying every minute of it. (For any newbies reading, please keep in mind that I have been S from H for almost 4 years now.) I've done the hard work to get through the hardest parts and am still working to figure some things out. I decided to stop waiting for H and to start living my life again. I don't think this is the appropriate place to go in to the details, but I will say that I'm really just enjoying every moment, having fun, making no commitments and learning to LIVE (whereas the past few years felt more like trying to survive).

Things with H remain pretty much the same. A friend told H that I had started dating and I feel like that caused H to become cold and distant, but it was short-lived and we're civil/friendly again. Because my R with this new guy is still new and any sort of future uncertain, I haven't felt the need to inform H about him. H is still stalling on the D. Don't have any idea why. The past few times we've spoken about it, I've suggested that it I should file first since I already have a L. But H insists that he will do it, despite the fact that he hasn't even called a L yet.

As much as I've fallen for new guy and all the excitement that goes along with a new R, I have to admit that for me, still, nothing beats the feeling of being with H and the kids together. But I'm also open to whatever lies ahead. I'm learning that life really is full of possibilities. And that even after such a traumatic incident, I can pick myself up. Life goes on. I feel lucky that this person has come in to my life, at what seems like exactly the right time. He's the complete opposite of H and is showing me a whole new world and whether intentional or not, is helping me to find myself again.

Really appreciate you thinking about me. So sad to see so many new names on here just starting out on the journey. I remember not so long ago, I would check this site so often, my fingers automatically would type the name of the site in the bar, even if it wasn't where I wanted to go.

Hope all my friends on here are well. Apologies for not being around. Will catch up on your threads...

Re: New year, new thread, new R? [Re: still hoping] #1964691
03/22/10 11:41 PM
03/22/10 11:41 PM
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sh-
Thanks for the update. I am so happy that you are moving forward in your life. You deserve to be happy and to enjoy life. You have worked so hard to make it through to the other side of this and it looks like you are pretty much there. Bravo.

Re: New year, new thread, new R? [Re: Upside] #1964723
03/23/10 12:24 AM
03/23/10 12:24 AM
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SH
I too felt joy for you reading your post
It is funny how we may have thought love woul;d not find us again
but it is hopeful that after the long process of standing and MLC< we can move forward when ready and find love again if we choose
and most likely the lessons leaned so painfully here will help any new R
Keep us
posted
peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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