WAW, live under same roof, and still have sexes.

[tangotake2]

Thanks, Sandi.

I'm considering PI. Since my plan does include a complain to the state and a county bar associations, I need facts to back up.

PI is new to me. Any one has any idea? Please advise.

I believe Puppy helped someone to gain a password from WAS' computer/laptops. I hope Puppy can help me on this.

Thanks.

[tangotake2]

All:

I forgot to mention that W and I both own our house. I cannot legally force her out if she doesn't want to (she could move out herself if she's pissed off) Is there anything else can be done if she doesn't want to?

Thanks.

[sandi2]

I'll tell her about the 2-week notice tonight unless someone else thinks differently. I was about to tell her before her leaving this afternoon, but didn’t because I think the timing wasn’t quite right (note: she told me twice about D and the paper is ready for me to sign). If I tell her tonight, I think I may need to find someplace to sleep to avoid any confrontation?

I don't believe the timing is right, Tango. You are waiting to talk to your lawyer and waiting for other evidence, aren't you? Why make this critical move at this moment? You have not listen to enough advise here on the board and if you act to hastely, it could mess everything up.

Why should you sleep someplace else after telling her she has two weeks to get out of A,etc.? If you leave the house, then you may not be able to go back. IDK.

I suppose my post may be after the fact....if you gave her a two weeks notice last night. I thought you were going to try and talk to Puppy? If you have not told her....then please wait until you have more information.

Unless someone here on the board tells you that you need to do something that very day/night......then they are simply giving you information and do not mean that you need to take those percise steps right that day, okay?

Also, when you ask the board about what you plan to do.....give us plenty of time to respond. I checked your post several times yesterday, but still missed this one very important post. See what I mean? Now, you probably have given her two weeks notice before you got my message today.

Please give us an update on what has happen. BTW, you said you had not slept with her in a couple of nights. What did you say to her about that?

[tangotake2]

Hi Sandi:

No, I've not told W yet. I posted my questions and didn't receive any response, so I held up. I'm listening to you and others on this forum and won't act alone. I will be patience (my #1 resolution).

I wanted to update you what's going on:

W came home at 10:00 PM last night and went to our master bedroom (MB) to put back the bed lining she just fixed. I told her that "I don't think it's good idea that you take your kids out when you're going out to meet OM. I feel disrespectful. The kids will be confused and this can hurt them later. If you want to drag our kids into this mess, I'll do my best to protect them from exposing to this. At the end, they will get hurt the most." and I walked away. What her response was "why I'm so difficult. If she goes out by herself, I'll tell her that I'm not her babysister. When she takes the kids out, I'm not happy. What can she do to make me happy? It's just a friendship. She doesn't do any wrong."

Later, she came to see me when I was in another bed room and read a book. She asked me what do I think. When she is downstairs and I'm upstairs (180s and giving her space). She's upset so she goes out. If we live like this why don't we call it quit. I looked into her eyes and listened to her and didn't say anything. She walked back to our MB and watched TV why she was knitting (her hobby). Later, I went to the room and told her "I feel sorry when you think it that way", then, walked back to my room. However, I thought I should make a nice gesture, so I came back to the room, joined her. She was sitting in the bed and I laid down on the floor and continued to read my book. Around 11:30 PM, I went to bed. When walking out off the room, I gave her a kiss on her forehead and said "Thank you for fixing the bed lining. It looks great".

In the early morning, she came to my bed and laid down next to me. I wrapped my hands around her for a few minutes and then went to our MB and slept there.

This morning I told her I'll go to see my family in MD with the kids. My mom wanted to see our kids. She's missed them. In addition, our family wants to get together for the New Year and a birthday party for my oldest sister and me ( yeah, today is my birthday. I'm officially 43 now). I planned to go last week but didn't tell her until this morning. We seldom tell each other what our plan is until last minute. I think we live in a different world. Please note she is not happy with my family for a couple of reasons. She thinks I don't stand up for her, and my family told her things that she didn't agree with. She has used these reasons to adjust her behavior.

She texted me when I's on my way to MD. She said we should divorce, so I can have more time with my family. Now she understands who my family is (whatever it means). She has D papers for me to sign when I get home. She has used the big D three time already to say we should split. I've not responded to her yet. However, I think I will tell her that "I understand you think my family does a birthday party for me. However, I'm old for a BD party. My mom wants to see the kids, and our kids want to see their cousins. That's all."

If she gives me the paper, I'll tell her that I've not decided what to do yet. Will let you know.

Why should you sleep someplace else after telling her she has two weeks to get out of A,etc.? If you leave the house, then you may not be able to go back. IDK.

Just thought about it. But it's not a good option. I just thought that when I gave her the 2-week notice. She may do something stupid that I need to avoid any confrontation.

...then please wait until you have more information.

Absolutely, I need to wait.

...BTW, you said you had not slept with her in a couple of nights. What did you say to her about that?

She has gone to sleep with me when I sleep in a separate bedroom. Nothing happens. I just wrap my hands around her for a few minutes and then either walking out to sleep somewhere else or staying there but don't touch her again. I have not told her why I don't want to have sex with her.

Sandi, I do know I'm good hands with you and others in this forum. I know I have to be patience and do when timing is right. I read your comments word by word. Thank you is not enough.

[ClingingToHope]

I just wrap my hands around her for a few minutes and then either walking out to sleep somewhere else or staying there but don't touch her again. I have not told her why I don't want to have sex with her.

I don't get this. When she lays down with you isn't she kind of reaching out? Then you get up and go elsewhere. What's the message you are trying to send?

I did that a lot to my W two to three years ago. It was childish and helped close her heart.

[tangotake2]

Thanks Clinging for stopping by.

Just thought that she's not a monster. If she tries to reach out, I do a nice gesture so nobody is hurt. I don't want to have an uneasy situation. Just wanted to be friend with a distance? Try to create a peaceful place (don't know what else I can explain my thoughts).

You think this wont' do any good and I should walk away when she sleeps next to me?

[tangotake2]

All:

One quick note about divorce laws in PA. Two parties can file a consent divorce within 90 days. When one party files the big D and the other doesn't respond. Two parties will legally separate for two years. Then, a divorce decree can be finalized w/o one party consents.

[tangotake2]

How’s everybody? Hope you’re all have the first wonderful weekend of 2010. It’s hard to go back to work when we have back-to-back long weekends.


Just wanted to Update:

Kids and I didn't get home until 2:00 AM. W was awake and watching TV. I put the kids to bed and slept in a separate room. W left early this morning and texted me. Basically she said, I need to find someone to watch kids. MIL is looking after our kids. She lives in with us during the week, and goes home on the weekend .About a month ago when I got started GAL, I joined a dance class every Thursday. I called W one day and said I’m going to a dance class and being home late. I got home at 10:30 PM. W's pissed off, but said W's happy when seeing me happy. If I do any kind of performance, W wants to see? So now W said MIL is not watching the kids anymore. I either call my mom or look for some body else. In addition, if I don't move out, she'll move out with the kids. No big D is mentioned. She’s trying to make noises to get my attention. I won't respond to her message.

I’ll talk to L about PI tomorrow. I think I’ll go with that route. Hope it’s within my budget. If not, I have to think something else.

If anyone has info related to PI, please advise. Since OM may have used PI for his clients, I need to make sure it has to be confidential.

Thank you as always.

[sandi2]

You need to get advice from Cutter about what to do next.

I understand you were trying not to have sex with your W. That must have been hard when she got into bed with you.

I'm so glad you have waited for advice. She is going for the D fast.

[tangotake2]

Thanks, Sandi.

I'll reach out to Cutter.

Updated:

I picked up MIL last night. W texted that if MIL watch the kids we need to pay her $2,500 and equally divide.

W didn't come home until 10:30 PM. I told her we need to talk about her messages. She went to put S4 into bed and slept.

This morning, told W if she has a few minutes today/tomorrow, we talk about time with kids individually, school for S4, and how we do co-parenting time.

Have not heard from L. Will reach out again.

I understand you were trying not to have sex with your W.That must have been hard when she got into bed with you.

Not at all. I can handle it.

She is going for the D fast.

The ball is in my court. I can consent or force it into 2-year separation.