WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks SA,

I'm not sure if this is the right approach to take, but I am so sick of the enabling based on lies and gaslighting.

It would be what I would do with a teen... Stand my ground...

I feel like he's playing chicken with our kids' stability... The only way out of that is to just not play the game...

I've talked to my mom and we are both just going to assume he won't sign and I'll work towards finding a new home to buy ... Just hoping I can come up with the 5% down for it... and fast....

[DiamondGirl]

So every time I take a strong stand against (or seemingly against) H I feel strong for a bit then start feeling disloyal, sad, uncertain and start slipping into despair...

I can't handle feeling like this right now.. I do not want to feel this way.. Is this how a mom feels with a teen when they take a hard stand but don't think the teen will rise to the occasion? Cuz I don't think H will step up... I'm not sure emotionally if he can.... But I don't know how else to handle the house thing...

I don't know what I'm doing...

I just feel so sad that we got here...

[Mila]

GD - this is not an easy situation, I guess there is nothing much you can do legally to make him do it. I understand where you are coming from when you say that when you make a stand you feel disloyal, I have the same feelings...but look at your WH, how loyal is he to you...this is about the roof over the heads of his & your children and he wants to bargain.

You just have to go with your gut feeling on this one. (((hugs)))

[DiamondGirl]

Having a rough day today.. Emotions all over the place mixed with PMS (sorry gents!)...

My mind keeps going back to when H was loving and supportive of me.. and then flashes forward to this stranger now.. I'm trying to keep my mind on the things I need to right now.. but I haven't been too sucessful today..

God this all hurts so much..

I don't know if H will step up.. Part of me hopes he will, the other highly doubts it...

Still trying to figure a way out of this mess without his having to.. but I think the Universe is doing one of its tests of both H and I.. and I'm hoping desperately that we'll both pass in our own way..

I don't even know what to ask for anymore.. I've got such turmoil going on in my head and heart... Anger and resentment thrown in just to make things seem impossible..

Really having trouble handling what I've been dealt right now..

I can't see how H and I can ever come back from this all...

[job]

DG,
Step back, sit down and breathe! Be still for a bit and the answers will come.

[flowmom]

DG, you are right to not enable. You are the person who is taking care of your children. Ask for the wisdom to take the right steps for their sakes. Your H is on his own journey now. Your journey is about recovering and being the best mother that you can.

(((DG)))

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks Snodderly & Flowmom,

I am going to see the company on title tonight to see if anything can be done from that angle... probably a wasted effort, but we'll see.

Mom talked to the mortgage company and is asking for managerial approval to change the payments to once a month without H's signature. Apparently they can do that in very specific situations (such as this). Hoping they'll do it to buy me more time...

[DiamondGirl]

I was just reading a few posts and kept reading (what I already knew) about being kind to the WAH. I wasn't very kind to H this weekend and regret it now (yeah I know.. you all told me..).

I find it so hard to not let my anger get to me when I'm communicating... It's like I'm afraid to be kind to him because I feel like I shouldn't be?? It is so hard to remember that this man who is doing such horrible things to our family is the same one who used to promise to love me forever...

I'm afraid that if he does ever hit bottom, all he'll remember of me is that I was angry and mean..

It's so hard right now to be respectful towards him when I just want to keep screaming at him...

I feel like I'm blowing a potential future with him because of my lack of empathy and compassion skills... I didn't have much of an example of those when growing up and my dad always used to downplay and shame any overt affectionate displays..

With H when we were dating.. the loving feelings brought the rest out naturally...

How do you love and respect someone who is so unlovable at the moment??

[C-Bart]

The only way you can pull this off is to reframe the way you see your H. You can't look at him as if he is doing things just to hurt you. Understanding that he is in a very bad place may help. Look at him with empathy and understanding.

[DiamondGirl]

I didn't actually scream at him this weekend... Just emails where I was very strong and opinionated about his actions to date (overkill on the details of reality due to his actions/inaction)... but believe me, I've thought about them and what I said would have been very hurtful to the H I knew.. and one in MLC pain.. well... I'm not feeling very good about the way I said things..

It is just so difficult when there is something of such importance like our kids' home and the MLCer only thinks of their own objectives! In H's case, he is determined to try and make me sign his version of custody allowing him to take the kids out of country whenever... and I won't do it..

He has every right to file for custody on his own, but he's trying to make me do all the work for him... And I won't...

But I'm trying to save our house and he's just so out to lunch it is frustrating beyond belief..