A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL JANUARY OFFER -- SAVE $60
THREE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE COACHING SESSION FOR ONLY $330

CALL 303-444-7004 or use code: SAVE_$60 in the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 11 12
Re: Forward's new thread [Re: dncrm] #1917783
01/16/10 05:26 PM
01/16/10 05:26 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 795
S
still hoping Offline
Member
still hoping  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 795
One month is not a long time. But I've learned throughout this journey that time goes so slowly in the beginning, but speeds by after you've been at it for a while.

Sounds like you are doing well with moving forward with your life.

Re: Forward's new thread [Re: still hoping] #1917806
01/16/10 05:58 PM
01/16/10 05:58 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
F
forward Offline OP
Member
forward  Offline OP
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
I'm starting to have a different perspective on things. I am not glad that X left, but I have indeed experienced great personal growth--more, I think, than I would have had with him. Frankly, I think that X has experienced personal growth, too.

So do I dare to say that this experience has not been a bad thing?

The person who was too cool to care about money is now commenting on credit ratings! Some maturing has happened there.

As for me, I recognize that I cannot hold all the responsibility in the R while the other person gets the fun part.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Re: Forward's new thread [Re: forward] #1919151
01/19/10 01:25 AM
01/19/10 01:25 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
F
forward Offline OP
Member
forward  Offline OP
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
Well, it's been a full month of dark and X seems to be looking forward to discussion on Thursday.

I plan to ask him to remove more of his items, which have been here too long in my view, and also comment on some behavioral issues w/D. We also need to move to a new schedule at some point.

I anticipate seeing even less of him now.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Re: Forward's new thread [Re: forward] #1919156
01/19/10 01:29 AM
01/19/10 01:29 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
F
forward Offline OP
Member
forward  Offline OP
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
I did want to say that the dark has been for me, and it has been good as I do feel twinges of sadness/tension when X is around.

I have a sense of humor back, work is going somewhat better, and I have been making new friends/restoring relationships with old friends.

I've been feeling better physically, plan to teach a class, and have developed some new hobbies and interests. I am starting to want a new relationship. And, as I said, I am not sure that I see the divorce as a bad thing at this point. I have experienced a lot of personal growth. I think X has, too. But I am not sure I can respect him ever again.

So at this point I watch and comment.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Re: Forward's new thread [Re: forward] #1920859
01/21/10 12:45 AM
01/21/10 12:45 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
F
forward Offline OP
Member
forward  Offline OP
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
I had some contact w/X and was pleased to learn that he has been having more quality time w/D. Overall a lot of the teenage behavior seems to be subsiding.

I noticed that he looked me in the eye and that he seemed less hostile.

There is never a mention of OW.

I was cheerful and in a good mood overall, but not because of him.

I am now looking to date a bit.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Re: Forward's new thread [Re: forward] #1920861
01/21/10 12:48 AM
01/21/10 12:48 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
F
forward Offline OP
Member
forward  Offline OP
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
Also, I am now down to very little interaction w/X, which is fine by me.

I will see him maybe once a week.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Re: Forward's new thread [Re: forward] #1921652
01/22/10 01:18 AM
01/22/10 01:18 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
F
forward Offline OP
Member
forward  Offline OP
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
I notice more progress, more interest in D, asking questions that indicate more concern.

I said X had more growing up to do than most on here, but I think he is doing somewhat better now.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Re: Forward's new thread [Re: forward] #1921799
01/22/10 08:03 AM
01/22/10 08:03 AM
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 726
M
mandyloo Offline
Member
mandyloo  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 726
forward this is good to hear that you see some improvement with your ex, and it is fantastic that he is wanting to see and spend more time with daughter, as we know and have taught ourselves patience and observation on these mlcers is the only way to go, they will grow and move forward in their own time and not in ours, and I can say that from a matter of my own dealings, take care

Re: Forward's new thread [Re: mandyloo] #1922318
01/23/10 12:36 AM
01/23/10 12:36 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
F
forward Offline OP
Member
forward  Offline OP
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
Well, just when you think you have seen some progress. I asked X to pick up something for D. He couldn't find the item and called me. I had given clear instructions on where to find it and did not respond to the voicemail immediately. And sure enough, he found it on his own.

I could tell he was furious again. Still my fault.

I think that the dark is the only way they can stop blaming us for all their problems.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Re: Forward's new thread [Re: forward] #1922493
01/23/10 02:47 PM
01/23/10 02:47 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
P
peacetoday Offline
Member
peacetoday  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
I think even in the dark they still blame us
at least mine does..they are irrational and mine I think is borderline mentally ill at this point
peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Page 4 of 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 11 12

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004