The continuing saga of P ...

[P17]

I have an update today, sort of. I actually have 2 but the other one I haven't dealt with yet so I can't update my thread just yet.

I want opinions on this. I want honest opinions as I'm reading far too much into this, but my gut tells me it's just not coincidence. And, so that those of you can stop reading now who hate it, it's about Facebook

I also expect some 2x4's here for being a prat, but I want to vent about it.

A friend texted me today to say that W has updated her Facebook page. I texted back and said, I don't care. She then came back again and said that maybe it would help for me to move on. So I got curious. But I didn't look at her Facebook page. Then I got even more curious and texted friend back again asking how she got onto it as it was private. Ahh, it's not anymore. W and OM have opened UP their Facebook pages to everybody

For anybody that doesn't know. When you create a Facebook account everything is private so that only your Facebook friends can see it. You have to actually open your pages up for people to see them.

I created a Facebook page about 6 weeks or so ago when I thought it was time for me to do the Social Media thing that everybody talks about. Because I didn't have may friends on it, and because I wanted to tell people how to keep up to date with me and D, I thought I'd make everything open to everybody. So I did, from day 1. So even if they were not on Facebook (like my dad) he could still have a look at the photos and my posts etc.

W and OM's pages have always been private. In fact, W never used her Facebook page, preferring instead to use Bebo (another Facebook type site). In fact her Facebook page said - see my Bebo page.

So, apparently there are lots of pics of OM on W's Facebook pages. Including one of him rolling a cigarette (again, W hates smoking, what is she doing?!?). Friend told me.

The reason I am posting on this and asking this stuff is that I believe W is in a huge huff with me. IM asked her about D's car seat. No response. IM sent her a text last night about the Doctor phoning her for W, no response. W does not 'do' huffs, and I would have expected her to respond to one of those. My guess therefore is she's in a huff. You don't go in a huff with somebody you don't care about.

So, long and short of it. I'm mind reading I know. But is this coincidence that their pages are suddenly open for everybody (which had to be done manually) or not?

Is my friend right in saying that because of the pics on Facebook, she has moved on an no longer holds a 'candle for me' (her words not mine).

I don't think it's a coincidence. I think it's deliberate. Couple it with the huff and I think they are sticking two fingers up at me (remember newmama about that :)). But then I am an LBS and completely bias.

I'm not looking at this as 'oh she wants me back'. I'm actually looking at this like 'I've got to her - she's mad at me - the shoe is on the other foot now'.

And just to clarify, I haven't been near either of their Facebook pages since I created my own. That is my boundary as I don't want to know what they are up to.

Update number 2 is something I will post about later.

[Day by Day]

Definitely meant to push your buttons!! She knows that it would get back to you. Don't look at it. It's meant to hurt you and it's not private so that you are able to see it and for others to see it so they can tell you about it. She flaunting it to get a reaction out of you.

[chatterbug]

They just updated the privacy settings. So your wife and OM have filled out the settings questionarre to the current results.

Nothing more my friend.

I know your dark right now but this would be a great time to do a mass snoop. Then pull back.

You can see who their mutual friends are ... ETC....

I did the same with mine bymistake. Lucky I caught it and corrected it.

It will be hard. But it may come into play down the road. As this is a long game were playing.

[bestraongforyou]

I just wanted to post the same - my husbands page was always hidden and last week - bang - out in the open - until he copped on and hid it again - but I was faster

That's how I found out that him and MOW are not friends anymore which might come handy in distant future...

[P17]

They just updated the privacy settings. So your wife and OM have filled out the settings questionarre to the current results.

Cutter I was going to say 'I don't agree with you' after what DBD posted and then BS confirmed you ... DAMN

I saw that questionnaire and thought what a waste of time as I just confirmed the settings I already had. In fact I changed one photo album to Everyone as I realised it was Friends Only. So I thought they would have to change it from Friends Only to Everyone manually.

I know your dark right now but this would be a great time to do a mass snoop. Then pull back.
You can see who their mutual friends are ... ETC....

Why would that matter? Why would I need it?
And just to confirm, W seems to be even darker than me

It will be hard. But it may come into play down the road. As this is a long game were playing.

Anything else I would need from the pages? I will ask IM or D's mum to look and gather the evidence rather than me as I really am no interested in seeing my W and her OM together happy. Not quite strong enough for that stuff yet!

Thanks DBD and BS too. I'm sadly wrong Oh well, that's why I asked I suppose.

The other reason I thought they did it was that MIL sent me a card yesterday about my mum. There is only two ways she could have found out, through a colleague at W's work who I told or my Facebook page. So I thought if they had been on my FB page, saw all my pics and Wall and then thought they'd do the same.

[P17]

Something has been bothering me for a while now.

I've mentioned that W seems to be in a huge huff. Okay, maybe, maybe not. I actually don't know. Gut tells me she is.

However, I have gone dark. Only correspondence is via IM. W didn't get all the Xmas stuff she wanted. No contact since then at all.

W has gone even darker than me. She isn't even communicating with IM.

This isn't really supposed to happen is it?

I know NC is for me, but the theory is it pulls he WAS to us, makes them curious, yada yada yada. This hasn't happened and I'm getting curious.

Why?

[Day by Day]

Um, the first time I tried NC, the same happened in my sitch. I really thought it would get him curious. He didn't seem to care and then I got worried and went back to contact. Just my experience...

[P17]

Hmmm. I'm not considering breaking it as it's working well for me. I am very curious why it's not initiating the response from W that I thought. It has only been 4 weeks on Thursday (which is OM's birthday actually) but I did think it would have some effect on her.

I suppose it did early on. She sent the email, a few texts and tried to call me. But since getting her xmas stuff, bang, nothing. Not even a thing about my mum.

I'm just curious - she is out DBing me!

[chatterbug]

I hope your IM says bullocks to that. IM does not snoop. IM is IM.

[newmama]

From what I have seen from other forums (marriagebuilders and survivinginfidelity) it is totally normal for WS to get to a point where they stop trying to communicate with NC. Most of the time it is temporary.

Think about it--she is ticked off about your NC. Totally not expecting that of you. She is immersing herself with OM. Totally to be expected, NC or not, but NC makes it easier. This is where they get their emotional needs completely met but OP but after awhile, they realize that OP can't give them what they had with you.

Also, although it FEELS like it has been forever, you have been NC what..4 weeks? Maybe 5? So in the big picture, this is a pretty short time.

I bet you 1000000 pounds that she will contact you again! Seriously! And as for people telling you to move on and that she has...been there done that. These same friends have told me recently that they now think there is hope and that they just want me to be happy no matter what. Think about what DR says- our friends and family just want us to stop hurting.

So continue with NC which you are doing "famously well" and EXPECT this kind of reaction from her. It is soooo normal! (Just like DBD's WH is acting which seems to be common as well!)