Get legal advice ASAP... you should have done this a long time ago. Find out about how her abandonment of the marital home would affect you. If you can change the locks... etc. Find out what you need to do to PROTECT YOURSELF in the event of D. You are not a spring chicken anymore and can't really afford to start over from zero.
1) Where is the cash she is spending for all this coming from?
Cancel or report the cards as stolen ASAP. If her funding runs dry then she will use the cards. WAW's have a sense of entitlement... and are not in their right mind. They will blow through cash like never before.... spending money on plastic surgery, new wardrobe etc.
By something to consider... after you have cut off her finances... at the last minute accept her offer to join her "on vacation" if she persists with the plan. Do it to see her reaction... if it is positive... then you know she is sincere. If she throws a hissy fit then you know that she never meant you to go. Repeat: YOU DO THIS ONE OR TWO DAYS BEFORE SHE LEAVES.
Most of these things can be done tomorrow... for today... go out and enjoy the football with good friends. Ignore her. She is not your focus. Today I wrote a note to a friend about detachment. I posted a copy of it in my sitch. Go read it because you are still NOT detached enough.
k..thanks. She really seems to want me to go to florida with her . Maybe it's just to help drive?? But she did ask several times. I'll get out to the game or a movie. She is home but seems to want to be alone. Mixed signals..she held my hand and hugged and kissed me at church this am.?? I'm confused ??? ayudame por favor (help)
You're confused? Why? Is OM out of the picture? NO!!!!! Stop being confused and get with the program. You've received more than adequate and relevant advice. Re-read your thread.
She gave you the TLC in church for show... to keep up appearances... get it?
sorry for thickheadness. But what do i do to get rid of this om. I can't leave because she already is leaving! I'll cancel the cards and see a lawyer. She sleeps in the same bed and cuddles. I'll re-read my thread again. "when in doubt, go without"
Since she controls her cell phone and you can't cut it off... the only other option left to you is to remove yourself from the equation. Stop pursuing or pressuring her. It doesn't work.
Been dying to put up this "mathematical" equation somewhere... so I guess your thread is it...
H x W = R H x W x O = 0
Where: H = husband, W = wife, R = relationship, O = other person 0 = zero.
Do the math... as long as there is an OP in the equation your relationship is ZERO.
Originally Posted By: rob668
I can't leave because she already is leaving!
You don't leave your marital home. PERIOD.
Originally Posted By: rob668
I'll cancel the cards and see a lawyer.
Good.
Originally Posted By: rob668
She sleeps in the same bed and cuddles.
Cut that out. She sleeps on the sofa or in the spare bedroom from now on.
Originally Posted By: rob668
I'll re-read my thread again.
Then post what you have learned here. I think I've asked you to do this before... if I haven't... OK... if I have... and you don't do it, I'll take it as you not putting in any effort to understand the situation and you're only here to garner sympathy or vent.
she would also cuddle with her gay man friend and talk about having fun together like shopping and fun trips because their is no sexual tension to worry about.
No more cuddling. No foot rubs. No back rubs.
No physical contact.
If she wants to touch you, let her. In fact, be a little rude and try this, yes it's counter-intuitive but do this, you're in bed, sleeping together and she reaches over to put her arms around you to hold you while sleeping (and remember you're not getting any), take her hand and put it on your crotch and put your hands behind your head in a strong, confident, masculine way. If she gets upset or questions you, you tell her plain & simple:
"Look we're adults, we sleep in the same bed and you don't mind cuddling but I'm a guy, guys like sex, we're married, I really see no reason why we can't, so why don't you take care of me for a bit and let me enjoy some of your attention."
Trust me, you've never done this before.
The OM, he's done this and she's taken his direction, I'm sure of it.
He's doesn't have to beg her to do this, he gets sex when he wants, it's a given.
Be the kind of man that says "hey we can have sex but I'm not going to force you but this cuddling routine, it's getting old, we can cuddle after sex if you want but if you don't have to have sex, I really don't want to cuddle, it's not very satisfying."
You're brutally honest here, counter-intuitive and it will shock the crap out of her, she doesn't expect this out of you because frankly you are wussy, weak and not a very confident kind of guy, pretty much the polar opposite of the OM and she's attracted to him sexually and you not so much.
One of two things will happen:
1. She'll "take care of you" and you will have given her preset mental image of you a major jolt. 2. She'll storm out of the bedroom, she won't "take care of you" but you will have given her preset mental image of you a major jolt.
Either way you shake things up, you've shown her that you aren't some guy that settles for crap behavior and treatment in all of it's various forms and you gain the benefit of changing the image and idea she has in her head about you.
The question is, do you have the guts to do it.
I'm thinking you don't but you could always surprise us.
LOL... I like what RobX said, Rob I second his challenge.
It is funny but I read something about women who cuddle with men but don't have sex with them, they no longer view those men in a sexual way because the men have trained these women to believe that they aren't sexual so it turns off the entire attraction mechanism, every night that he cuddles with her and gets "nothing", he is insuring that he will continue to get "nothing" from her.
And I'm sure as $hit that the OM doesn't have to cuddle with her to get sex, he's honest that way, he wants sex, he gets sex, if they cuddle afterwards, maybe but that's post sex not before it and more than likely she talks to the OM about him and they probably have a good chuckle at his expense, ie. "all we do is cuddle, he doesn't ask for sex, he's too afraid" and boy that sounds sexy to me ;-)
