OK. So we have a another talk(Sat) and I think things have really opened up.
#1 She wanted to talk this over herself - she initiated the conversation here after a very stressful day. #2 She wants to go to Relate.
That's the minor stuff(!). The major stuff was that she wants me to be in control, lay down guidelines etc. Which is a LOT more in terms of leadership than I thought - we're on the doorstep to the taken-in-hand type of relationship. This seems to be a very big 180 on both our parts. Could be interesting.
We've also agreed that we need to finish off parts of the house that are persistent stressors (bathroom\windows etc). Children have been ordered to *not* barge into our bedroom without knocking.
I was pretty down over the w/end - I had visited friends and the contrast between their situation and ours was pretty significant. Although we have the bigger house etc - they've made better use with the smaller size (more relaxingly decorated, if that makes any sense).
We both feel we've been busy reacting to events rather than acting - we've also put the house too much to one side. (Wifes also agreed not to undermine me if I have thought-out-loud about doing stuff in the house).
Our response is going to be getting trademen in to do relatively fast fixes - sorting out the bathroom, putting heavy doors on a couple of the bedrooms (basically keeping noise from coming in or out, so we don't feel ontop of everyone). We're also going to look at bedroom design information, get some nice artwork type things to dot around.
Dog is very much on probation - we have a adoptee lined up, just in case.
I'm going to be working outside the house more (so there's less ongoing stress on a day-to-day front). (We think that if we get too stressed then it tends to pull everthing down in a spiral of doom).
Reading all the frustration breaks my heart. Good luck to you mr wolf. It sounds like you and your wife love each other and I hope you can work out the issues.
Met/Sex: 3/93, married 2000 HD ME: 38 (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon) LD HE: 37 (Cancer Sun & Moon) DD: 8.5, DS: 7 Intimate 2x/lunar cycle before cutting self off in attempt to change behavior pattern
Things have been going much better the last couple of weeks. Much smoother and there's been a lot less external friction. We've had trademen giving quotes left, right and center so the house feels that something is happening and it isn't bogged down. Even the dogs been a lot better behaved - a minor miracle in itself.
The Relate appt hasn't happened yet - its next week - but we can see we are making a fair amount of progress without it. Fingers crossed for that.
S*x has been happening more frequently (yay!) and I definitely feel a lot happier and contented.
Valentines we both acted in almost 180's - DW gave me sex related vouchers(yay!) and I gave her the largest bunch of flowers I could find and went on a flower arranging spree.
I think we'll get there - we just need to avoid the inevitable backslide when the next external disaster hits.
....S*x has been happening more frequently (yay!) and I definitely feel a lot happier and contented.
Valentines we both acted in almost 180's - DW gave me sex related vouchers(yay!) and I gave her the largest bunch of flowers I could find and went on a flower arranging spree.
I think we'll get there - we just need to avoid the inevitable backslide when the next external disaster hits.
Sounds like really great progress. Congratulations.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
