Things are much more logical when you are outside looking in with an objective perspective. My perspective is compromised with emotion, hope and yes…desperation. Sometimes I have a moment of clarity, but it is fleeting, interrupted with another illusion of hope. I am experiencing a journey complete with twists and turns and am unsure of the final destination. I need direction to do what is right, not what feels right.
This has got to be the quote of the day. Stop the ride I wanna get off!
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
13 years ago, when we were married, I was a senior drill instructor pumping 88 fresh recruits through boot camp every 13 weeks. I was the “alpha” male she fell in love with. Over the years and after I retired, I lost myself, by pleasing my mate with misguided intentions and becoming the “nice guy”(wimp) I thought she wanted. Over the past few weeks, and through the insight offered here on this forum, I have soul searched myself to death, and now realize that I was at my peak in self confidence, and the best physical shape in my life when we met and married. I was happy with who I was and did not need a woman to fulfill me. I will not post to this forum again until I do the work necessary and return to the man I was..confident, and content in my own skin.
Oblivious Me / W 47 EA 07/09 to ? PA ? M 13 Years
marriage is the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery. GEORGE WASHINGTON, May 23, 1785
13 years ago, when we were married, I was a senior drill instructor pumping 88 fresh recruits through boot camp every 13 weeks. I was the “alpha” male she fell in love with. Over the years and after I retired, I lost myself, by pleasing my mate with misguided intentions and becoming the “nice guy”(wimp) I thought she wanted. Over the past few weeks, and through the insight offered here on this forum, I have soul searched myself to death, and now realize that I was at my peak in self confidence, and the best physical shape in my life when we met and married. I was happy with who I was and did not need a woman to fulfill me. I will not post to this forum again until I do the work necessary and return to the man I was..confident, and content in my own skin.
I haven’t posted in a while and wanted to share some progress. I have been practicing 180’s, and focusing on taking care of myself since my last posting. Some of the things I have implemented include: -I do not call W anymore, I let her call me - I not concern myself with W’s whereabouts, nor do I inquire -I am exercising regularly and eating healthy (lost 13 pounds in two weeks) I was about 20 lbs overweight - I bought myself new underwear, cologne, and clothes (W used to buy all of my clothes) -I look my best and smell good, all the time - I am pleasant and upbeat all of the time, even if I have to fake it. - I am facing all of the various conflict, and problems in my life head on. (retreat is not an option) - I am doing healthy recreational activities that I enjoy doing - I am focusing more at work, and practicing outgoing social skills. (I’m usually quiet and to myself)
Results: -I feel physically better, and am regaining real self confidence and self respect - I find myself dealing with things soundly, rationally and decisively. - W has done a 180 - W wants to be with me all the time, I do not initiate anything, W reaches out to me. - W has become infatuated with my mysterious behavior. She initially accused me of seeing someone else with my sudden attention to my own appearance, and removing my focus off of her. - I simply told her that my life is on open book, no secrets. I’m not the one with secrets. I have no motivational desire to multi-task , multiple bad relationships. Another person will never make me happy, I am in control of my own happiness, with or without her, or anybody else for that matter. I thought I heard her jaw hit the floor. -W has suddenly become very interested in doing everything together. Intimacy has increased, both in and out of the bedroom. She is very affectionate in public, and wants to be seen with me everywhere. As hard as it is, I never initiate hand holding, hugging, back touching or anything. But when she initiates, I take control in a respectful masculine way that makes her melt. Make no doubt about it, When she puts on the moves, I’m driving. - W seems to be more family focused, but putting us before the kids, and taking great pains to set aside time for us every day. - Quality of life has increased dramatically. I do not know if she is still in contact with OM. Frankly, I don’t care. If this is an act, she should get an award. I no longer dwell on the A, If she brings it up, I tell her that I will not discuss OM, or her secret life with him lurking in the shadows like a cancer. As far as I’m concerned, he’s a gutless coward who doesn’t even rise to the level of predator, he’s a parasitic scavenger waiting for another vulnerable host to attach himself and feed . I tell her that discussing him impedes my healing, and I won’t engage in it. Maybe we’ll discuss it sometime in the future, but not now. I cannot thank everyone enough. If not for this forum, and the sound advice from veterans, I would still be a pathetic wimpy mess. The hardest part is to keep practicing the DB tactics that work…. all the time, and persevere even when everything seems like a total loss. When all is bliss I have learned, is especially when things are most vulnerable. complacency is an insidious and patient adversary. I really appreciate the brutally honest support from total strangers on this forum who guided me back to the right path whether things with W work out or not. I got my nards back! Especially Coach, Puppy, Sandi and McQueen to name a few. I am enjoying a new outlook on life, and am actually grateful for a wake- up call that turned into a life changing event. I’ll post again after the new year with any updates. Merry Christmas to all.
Oblivious Me / W 47 EA 07/09 to ? PA ? M 13 Years
marriage is the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery. GEORGE WASHINGTON, May 23, 1785
Bravo, just remember to not be satisfied with yourself as their is always room for improvement. I come back here often to make sure I never forget what happened and to know where I need to go for myself, my family and my wife.
Glad things are turning better for you. You paid a lot of tuition to get your DB education don't stop using your lessons learned.
Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Inspiring post! It's really heartening to see a success story once in a while, and by "success", I mean to see someone who has transformed their life in a positive manner, and in doing so managed to re-invigorate their marriage.
Bravo! And thanks for sharing your update with us!
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
