Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[ravenly1974]

Hey just double checking that you know I wrote a little on the parenting schedule above where you wrote...Don't know why I get paranoid of such things but I do!

[newmama]

Hi, Mindfull! Thanks for checking out my thread. Cutter is a good friend for us to have isn't he? He is also NC king, too!

[newmama]

Ravenly, I think we posted at the same time so I didn't see your comment about the parenting schedule earlier! I am going to respond after S is asleep!

[newmama]

If it were me, I would delay the overnights/long Saturdays for as long as possible.

I see your point. The problem is that I tried in November to delay him taking him at all by saying I would like more time before he started. The result was him insisting on it 3 days in a row, then bringing up "documenting" the visitation and then saying we need to review the parenting plan...I think he was coached by OW. Of course I replied that he has had every opportunity to see S and I never ever prevented him or tried to stop him from leaving the house.
SO after that happened, I called my DB coach who encouraged me to not resist...that conflict with WH and I = GOOD for OW. He said think of my long term goal AND that not resisting is actually 180 behavior.

The overnight visit is Friday night 6 to Saturday morning at 12. S goes to sleep between 7:30-8 p.m., wakes up at 4 or 4:30 a.m. for a bottle, then goes back to sleep until 6:30-7. WH will be driving 45 minutes or longer because of rush hour on Fridays, so there is a good chance the overnights will be overrated. And there's a barking dog and a noisy 3 year old there!

WH can come over to your place to visit S as often as he likes. Why? Because I think it will really create an issue for WH and OW.

Yes, I am totally in agreement with this which adds another reason for why I don't want to go NC! So as I posted earlier, WH is here a lot!He and OW will only be seeing S during waking hours for an additional 2-3 hours, tops.

I personally think that she is probably pressuring him about this, and putting WH in a bad spot. Eventually, this should blow up between them if he is giving her promises of things like more time at her place with S and then it doesn't happen.

See what I wrote above. Plus, if I protest too much, she (probably) says "See? You need to divorce so you can have your rights!!She's not letting you see your S!" or some crap like that. If he gets to do this without being divorced, she can't use it as ammo for getting him to D me. BUT IT ALSO LETS HIM STAY IN THE A LONGER.

[quote]I am sure even if he is as happy as a clam with OW, while he is there with her his mind probably continually wanders over to how S (and you) are doing. OW probably senses this (And may even get annoyed by it). Allowing S to go over there often may result in less of that and normalize the situation which isn't good for you. [quote]

True, that is why he is welcome to see S at our house as much as he wants. I suspect he knows that once he files for D, I will say "ok, time to follow the parenting plan for real, now, since that is the life YOU WANT." And he is right!!
Way less time for S...I know that sounds like I am punishing S, but at this stage in his life he now knows and loves his daddy, and he will get to see him more once I go back to work...the time between us starts to equalize the older he gets.

Hmm..I wonder if OW has seen the parenting plan and knows that he will see S less if we divorce but that means she will get WH more to herself???

[newmama]

outwit,outplay, outsmart...ha ha!

[chatterbug]

Hi, Mindfull! Thanks for checking out my thread. Cutter is a good friend for us to have isn't he? He is also NC king, too!

NC No more. I broke it this week. Sent off the seperation papers to be signed. Which will happen on the 24th. When ladybug and I sit down and sign them. Then she gets her stuff outta here.

So hugs..... and mindfull... so glad you could stop by and say hi to newmama. She is great.

[chatterbug]

outwit,outplay, outsmart...ha ha!

Tis a tough game. Balancing what is right with tough love.

Do you ever draw up the plan ?

[newmama]

Hi, Cutter,
I think breaking NC this week was necessary for you because of the insistence of ladybug. I bet you will go back to NC after and until the 24th, right? (((Cutter)))

As for drawing up the plan, our parenting plan was originally created back in March, based on some prepared recommendations from the family law in my state. Each month, since August, WH creates a visitation schedule that I have input as well.

Is that what you mean by plan?

[newmama]

UH Oh, S has a fever and is feeling sick...probably from his immunizations. If he is not feeling better by 3 or 4, then I cannot in good conscience leave him with my SIL so I can go out!

Let's hope he has a rapid turn around. So for tonight... this time the location is a notorious pick up joint for divorcees. I feel a little intimidated. If S is fine, I will still make myself go but really I want to be able to hang out in a group of mostly women. A friend of mine said the place was really fun but women flocked to her husband, since there were more female divorcees than male. With that in mind, I bet I will be able to hang out with a group of ladies!

The reason why I am meeting up with this group is that it is for divorced OR separated parents. I want to make a new friend or 2, and have fun doing it is all.

[newmama]

Oh and my SIL's exH is moving back in! WH told me on Wednesday but I didn't elaborate with him b/c I don't want to invite conversation about our relationship. Still, I thought it was good that WH saw what happened there--the exH divorced SIL for an OW, moved in with her for about 9 months, realized he made a mistake and has been trying to get SIL back ever since!