I want to thank all of you for supporting me. I hurt tonite, but, for reasons much different than from when I first got here. This evening was probably was of the 'best' nights I've had with respects to GAL and DB'ing, yet, now, seems the most darkest of all. In the beginning, I had hope. I even told my W only days after the bomb and finding this place that I would make her fall in love with me again. Now, I'm not so sure that even I can do that. I said earlier, and I repeat, I am releasing myself from all of this....that, it truly IS 'all about my W' right now.
Just a though...how important...is our intuition and insight as we 'counsel' people here?
FIB
Yo Frank, Through all of the posts way back when the consistent was that we have to do this for ourselves, we have to work on us for us and not for them.
A lot of those old posters are such better people today, not successful Divorce busters, I think not. Successful in that they were able to shed light on many many lives and become the people they were meant to be.
You are one of them. You have battled pretty hard and for a long time it hasn't been about anything but you. That's success dude. The shitt your going through now, imagine trying to handle this back in 2006, we were not strong enough back then to survive something like this, but now....you are.
So that saying that is tossed around here like beads at mardi gras about God not putting anything before you that you cannot handle, makes sense now doesn't it.
How about STOIC, do you remember how overwhelming it was at times for him? Do you remember the fears and concerns? Did you get a look at that amazing trip he just took to Hawaii with his girlfriend? Did you know he has come to Memphis in May every year so far? What an amazing example of how if the focus is truly on ourselves our lives will be amazing.
My point in all this, the past is the past and second guessing anything that your reading in your archives helps nothing. Focusing in on making sure that FIB is taking care of FIB still, that is what matters my friend.
"A lot of those old posters are such better people today, not successful Divorce busters, I think not. Successful in that they were able to shed light on many many lives and become the people they were meant to be. "
"A lot of those old posters are such better people today, not successful Divorce busters, I think not. Successful in that they were able to shed light on many many lives and become the people they were meant to be. "
As a man, I would not be doing what I am doing right now to defend and protect myself in a court. I spoke with Ian and I told him...how alien this is to me as a man. But, as Lincoln said in Star Trek, "the war is now thrust upon us."
Today, my son asked me to tie his sneakers. He just got out of a splint from a foot ankle strain. He sits on the stairs in our house and I get in front of him to help get them on. He is 9.
My STBXW comes down the stairs: "He is old enough to tie his own sneakers."
A few moments later, she comes up the stairs: "He's 9 years old. He can tie his OWN sneakers."
A few moments later, she goes downstairs again: "This is enabling him...enabling behavior."
My son, for the first time, looked at me with a 'what the f' is that' look.
I had two choices: 1) confront her, tell her that she should NOT talk this way in front of the kids, cause a scene, and, as you all know, have her elevate it out of control
or, away from STBXW,
2) Put my hand on my son's face, look him in the eyes and say, "S9, it's OK for your dad to help you put your sneakers on. It's OK.you know that" And give him a hug and a pat on the back
I chose the latter.
My son is on this earth only 9 years. I hardly think that tying his sneakers once is enabling. Does anyone recall the scene in Miracle on 34th St, with Kris Kringl and Alfred (Kerry K, youtube? LOLOL).
This has got to end. It's just horrible when she does this.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
"A lot of those old posters are such better people today, not successful Divorce busters, I think not. Successful in that they were able to shed light on many many lives and become the people they were meant to be. "
I love you Ian
We all do fig. He is,what we term, a BetterMan. They all are fig. Take my word on this, if you want to see some of the best posts you have read....stay with this thread til I end it...after the trial. You'll never see a group of better men EVER. This is my final match...as Jeff says referring to Gladiator...throwing down the sword. It's all about my children now. I love them, deeply and would lay down my life for them. I cannot fail now.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I'm writing this to you tonight when I should be in bed asleep, preparing for my normal 3:30 am wakeup. The reason I am not sleeping is that I just got back from enjoying three wonderful nights with my wife, our first weekend together since football started. I enjoyed the company of my youngest son (now a senior in high school - he had just started his freshman year when my story here began), and three really neat bonus children.
Frank, life truly does move on. And not begrudgingly.
Don't look back on your past threads for personal recrimination or evidence of your failings. All it takes is a subtle shift in your attitude to look back through those old posts to find joy in strength, wisdom, and understanding that you have learned and gained through YOUR story here.
In the immortal words of Eve 6's Max Collins...
Quote:
Don't look back, The past is just that. We are we are we are we are Awake.
You're awake my friend.
Blessings,
Bill
Last edited by Bworl; 11/17/0904:20 AM.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Hey Bill. Looking back is part of the closure process, as you know. We have to grieve what we have lost. Trick is not to get stuck there. Frank - reread Gray. Important now.
Yes Frank, throw down the weapons. Be you at the trial and you will win, as Maximus did. And remember that you will win REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME. Your kids will win too by the example you will set. They will know.
That is what a Better Man is. You are that man. Be that man - in the face of serious odds. I know you will.
Sorry I could not meet you in Mongomery but it is over 3 hrs away and you could not stay over. But I look forward to the day we do meet....
All...I am in Charlotte Airport awaiting my connecting flight to Montgomery AL. I am taking a one day course/seminar on a particular graft I use in my practice. It is grey and dreary outside. I am no staying long, only for a day.
Nasty morning at home. STBXW accuses me of 'undermining her as a parent." D6 was screaming to let me drive her to school. Separation anxiety even tho' this trip is only for a day. STBXW wouldn't let her go since this was occuring when D6 was having issues with STBXW.
I finally just said, "W...let it go....just let this go." She refused initially...then...relented....accusing me of 'molly coddling' and undermining her as a parent. I drove her to school. She wouldn't let go of me.
Last night at my one on one parent teacher conference, I decided to just let all this D stuff go and I focused totally on S9's report card, performance, etc. The 'worst' that I said that S9 has had a very difficult year at home (the teach knows we are going thru a divorce) and that D6's recent seizures were rough on him. I thoroughly knew my son's performance, weaknesses, strengths and discussed how to tackles some of his talking in class with the teach. It felt good. Later, I met up the principal and asst. principal in the hallway along with D6's teach and I had a great conversation. The asst. principal has not had any more abdominal pain since I took her appendix out.
I think....I'm .....better.
I spoke with my L yesterday. I trust her and still feel strongly that she knows what she is doing. I am up against very tough odds here and if I lose...for which the chances are great....I will have less parenting time than any other man on this website. It's what they award in NY. I may not even get time during the week.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
