My wife says she is out with friends. this happens at least 1 night a week. I can't prove one way or another that she is not. I'm detaching and biting my tongue. is there anything else constructive i can do?
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
I've told her this is un acceptable but she tells me I'm just being controlling. She won't leave. I don't want a divorce. What Can I do.
Ordinarily, I'll call "bullchit" on this, but if I remember your past history, JTJ, haven't you been abusive toward your wife in the past? That does complicate things.
Sounds like my wife to some point. I have issues with boundaries as well. I don't know what good boundaries look like and are healthy.
For example my wife has had plans to go out with her girlfriends tonight. The other night she asked if I minded if she stayed over at one of their houses. I said I didn't care because honestly my wife doesn't know how to stop once she starts drinking. I would much rather her stay somewhere then try to drive home drunk. However, I do not feel this is the way a W and mother should be acting. I also know that I don't have any control over what she does.
We have a mutual friend that their son has Autism. We were going to go to a fundrasing walk early tomorrow. I asked my wife at dinner last night what time she would be home and she said when she gets up. I told her I was leaving at x time in the morning to go to the Autism walk because we said we would support them. She said it wasn't fair because I would have push both kids during the walk. Oh well, I will get over that fact but I told her the other night that she said she didn't feel like going anymore. My stance is that if I tell someone I am going to do it then I do it. This backing out at the last min. because it doesn't fit in with your new social life sucks.
Last edited by Kemper; 10/09/0905:31 PM.
M 33 | W 34 | Kids: S4, S3 M: 5/28/05 Bomb: 8/22/09 EA: 8/1/09 | PA 12/26/09 W L: 10/21/09 M L: 11/16/09 | 12/09 to file SA W & Boys Move Out: 3/14/10
She also tells me its her time to be selfish and do for her now that the kids are older.
If they were 22, 20 and 17, I MIGHT agree somewhat (altho that then raises additional issues about what kind of example she's setting for them as young adults), but your kids are too young to have their mother out of the house at all hours.
When my wife was having her affair, she came home once after 2am, after saying "I won't be late" and never calling or texting to tell me otherwise. When she got home, I made sure all of the lights were off, inside and out, and the house was locked up tight. I thought about even arming the security system, but I didn't want to wake up our kids if she set it off.
In any even, MESSAGE RECEIVED -- she never stayed out that late again.
I've gone as far as to unplug the garage door. She just pounds on the door and rings the doorbell. I don't know if she's having an affair and other than following her I've no other means to verify what she is doing. The kids have even said things like Mommy is going out again?!? She just ignores them and goes on her way.
Cell phone locked and doesn't really like getting on home computer. I'm tired of being in Limbo.
We still sleep in the same bed with no physical contact. She texts me about the kids and tells me about her day at work says thank you when she appreciates things I've worked on. her LL is getting tasks done around the house. This is a very slow and painful process. What a heavy cross to bare.
I've been critical and verbally abusive in the past. As well as a couple of occassions pushy and physical. She has put up with alot. I just don't know what to do.
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
