Frank, my dad was operated last year for cancer, oesophagus cancer? At the lower part where it connects (almost) with the stomach. A year later some near by lymph nodes showed that were "growing" and his cancer markers started going up, slowly but steadily. Because he has lost 30 kilos (KILOS) and feels pretty weak and because of his age 75, the oncologist said no chemo at this point, we just watch it. After two concecutive series of tests, with the results showing it was getting worse, me and my brother decided to put him on DCA, which is a drug known but only recently used for cancer. It's not been approved yet and probably will not be anytime soon since it is very cheap. A Greek guy in the Uni of Alberta showed some excellent results on mice with human tumors.
My dad took it for 45 days and at his last scheduled tests, the lymph nodes size was reduced by 32% and the markers went down 20 points. With no side effects (yet).
You didnt say anything, Kerry mentioned you and Peter. I was replying to Kerry.
Goodfight, I need to find your thread, where is it? K
About me saying that sounds good.. I meant, how you were behaving with him over the 2 days, not the fact he was there for the 2 days. He used to be there before but you went about your "business as usual" I seem to remember and would go to bed and get up without speaking to him, because of his hours etc..it sounded like you were enjoying him being there a little more than you had done in previous months? Yes, perhaps because he is more with you, than thinking of ow or telling lies.
I agree with John, I think it pays to be a little less brutally honest in the early weeks of a proper reconciliation. There needs to be some building time. Me and bf also didnt so much as ML in the early weeks as just expend some passion! That all changed though, I hope for you too.
Hey I have swine flu! I went home ill after posting to you Monday morning and saw a doctor who said I have it, but I'm ok, just resting in bed. I knew I shouldnt have eaten that damn bacon on Sunday !!! Al xxx
SWINE Flu?????????????/ OMG!!! Hope you recover soon sweets!!! K
He stayed over last night too. We went to his doc's apt together this morning. He needs to go again on Thursday. He has been warm and nice. I am trying to keep off disgusting thoughts... K
Well, the good news is I've managed to find away around the school's web blocks by downloading firefox and using it instead of internet explorer.
So far, so good and I'll be able to check in and stay more current...at least for the time being.
Ok, there was a lot I'd missed, so I cut out some stuff you posted and I'll comment on them.
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.. I am mad at him. Waves of anger are coming because something is ALWAYS connected to the 1 year of cheating and the next 2 years of lying.
This is normal in piecing (as someone mentioned earlier) and to be expected as you are living w/ghosts of the past that don't seem to die easily. I'm sure the more he "proves" himself to you, the easier this stage will become for you.
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I feel I am not pretty enough, not stylish enough, not sexy enough... I feel I am not woman enough for him.
You were left behind, so no wonder you feel inadequate. It is up to him to help you feel sexy again, but also up to you to let yourself feel it again. You are stunning and when you were being courted not too long ago by a wonderful man, you felt sexy and alive. Don't forget those feelings as they aren't too far removed.
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He is scheduling to see her. He says he will tell her he will not answer to any of her attempts to contact him and that he thinks it's inappropriate to keep asking him for favors
I like this on a few levels, but like Jeff said, I really can't believe that he's doing what he needs to be doing. It is still early, but he's starting down the correct path. Ok, about his meeting her to tell her it is completely over and she can't contact him again, that is a great step. The fact that he told you all about it is even better. He is trying to be transparent w/you and that is what you have to have to make sure you can feel safer and more secure in time.
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I must be a real b!tch!
Nope! Not at all. Because you like to see her suffer, you are merely human, my dear.
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I am caring (to a degree) and this weekend I initiated hugs and snuggles. There is this huge weight in my heart, I cant enjoy much, but yes, some moments it feels good. I am not sure if it is him or that just contact that does though... I need major reassurance from him.
His actions of late are a good start - telling you about ending it w/her and the date - the more he continues to do this, the more reassured you will begin to feel. Time will tell w/him, but in the short run, he's been doing well...and its about time!
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My dad's results showed a 30% !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! reduction of the "growth" of the lymph nodes...there is no doubt, cancer cells are DYING
Nothing more I can say about this except what wonderful news! I'm so happy to hear this, Sunshine. Like you said, any additional time is a blessing. I nearly lost my father to colon cancer, so I know how scary the trip is and how wonderful it feels to get some positive, long-term news.
Hi Kat, Rob, we spent the last couple of days together. I had a day off and yesterday it was a national holiday, he had a doctor's apt on Tuesday and he wanted us to go together and then came back home for lunch. He left for the newspaper and came back to sleep here. Snuggles, cuddles etc. No klissing, so sexual touching or anything. Yesterday it was a day with the kids and friends. Going out for lunch etc etc.
At night we started a discussion that didnt go so well. I am having a hard time letting go of the past. Actually the opposite happens, as time passes, I feel I have to hold on to the hurt and memories to be able to keep the distance and protect myself. I read too much but I cant say I wouldnt do it again.
stbxH said : My feelings for her died. They were slowly dying and then, when you found out, the switch flipped completely. I dont know why I did all I did. I am not back with you to "pay" for anything and I hope that's not your intention ( to make him pay back) You make me feel guilty. I didnt tell you about a call from her because I thought it would hurt/bother you
Overall, he was cruel and got excited a couple of times and he really acts as if "I should get over with it" but then says words such as "I want to make it up to you".
The truth is, I was all over the place last night. I need to talk to him but I dont know what to say, how to say it. I realised that the parts I am hurt about are the ones of 3 years ago that I recently found out and I am trying to deal with, but to him, seem like an eternity ago, it was during his crazy being in love with her that now is long gone as he says and he cant relate to my hurt because "it's old history" (not his words, mine).
He said she asked him in one of her phonecalls, how/why did he stop loving her.
He never says he loves me. He wrote it a couple of times but never tells me.
He is not patient with me. He gets defensive even when I dont blame him and I am honest when I say I dont blame him, I only state some facts such as "when you left us 2 years go". He reacts to that as if I blame him. I can see he is hurting with guilt but I cant help him with that.
He said yesterday he sees our steps as normal steps of reconciliation. I dont know. There is one part of him that showed up last night that I dont like at all. He is cruel. Trying to defend himself, he has no common sense, he wants to put everything away fast but at the same time, his steps to show his love are extremely slow.
I wish he would LISTEN TO ME, JUST LISTEN, I want for once to let all the hurt out to him, cry, complain, cry some more and I want him to listen and hold me and validate me. Anyway, got up worked up today. Checking my finances again, just in case... K
I don't remember if I read this or got this from counseling but it is important to set an allotted amount of time to talk about the past/affair/hurt and then put it away for the rest of the day. I think the recommended time was an hour. It is really important for the spouse that left to realize that there is a lot of pain, trust issues etc and he/she may have to hear that quite a bit for a while. Those hurts just don't "go away".
It is equally important that the LBS realize that it may feel as if they are rubbing salt in the wounds for the WAS. Try to grow during this hour and not just say the same thing over and over. There is pain and hurt on both sides. The WAS has to realize that things that have transpired just can't be swept under the rug, they have to be addressed to help protect both parties from coming to this same road again.
Can you tell I am a psych major?? (Yeah I know, it didn't help me much when all this happened to me, I imploded.)
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Michelle says that you should agree on a regular time and day to talk about what happened and that you should set aside an hour and be strict about cutting it off. He then knows that time will be set aside for talking about what has gone on and that you will not bring it up at an other time but you have the reassurance that you will be able to talk and probably those talk times will be more productive. The rest of the time don't bring up the issues and work on building a stronger foundation for your marriage and enjoying life together.
Obviously I talk the talk but haven't had the opportunity to walked the walk but that is what I remember from DR
We have talked, 30 minutes about OW and the affair. Our days together seem as if we were never apart. NO tension, no fights, no smart ass remarks. Even some remarks I cant hold back (I think 2-3 so far) are expressed in a respectful way. K
He is defensive because he's feeling guilty and afraid he'll never live this down. You are the "saint" thinking about forgiving him, he is the "bad guy" who hurt everyone.
I told Jer that I needed to talk about it so I could figure out what happened, to make sure we didn't repeat history in the future and find ourselves older and in the same place. He said he went insane. He is/was absolutely sick and embarrassed that he risked me and his family for this woman once the "switch" flipped.
I told him that I still needed to figure out how he went from a faithful husband to a man who could take his clothes off and be with someone else. I just could NOT let it go. It did no good either. Honestly, there just weren't any answers he could give me because honey, it isn't anything we (you or I) could've changed because the affair had nothing to do with us, and everything to do with how they felt about themselves in someone else's eyes who saw them as knights in shining armor.
Smart ass remarks? I was the queen. We went to a movie with discount rates for senior citizens and I told him he may want to re-think this as I was costing him more (she was much older than I). Funny, right? Not. Piecing is not for the squeamish my friend.
You absolutely cannot sweep it under the rug, but I guess, ask yourself what you will gain from the information you seek. If it is security, you just won't find it in his words. You only find that in you. Make sure you aren't trying to punish him if you want to reconcile. It's easy to say, hard as heck to do... part of the decision if you WANT to reconcile or not.
Gently explain that what is old news to him is new pain for you. That his failure may hurt him to discuss, but there are answers you need that he has had all along while you have been on the outside -- having only the nightmares and your imagination to fill in the blanks.
I didn't set the time aside like I should have and it would come up in the middle of some really good times and he'd end up frustrated and angry, me... in tears. Not good for new memory building I'm better now. Honestly. The pain is NOTHING like it was at all. But I had to consciously decide to honor MY promise that I wouldn't beat him up for the rest of his life about this. For me, that was coming from a place of anger and pain instead of loving solutions.
(Yeah I know, it didn't help me much when all this happened to me, I imploded.)
I'm better now. Honestly. The pain is NOTHING like it was at all. But I had to consciously decide to honor MY promise that I wouldn't beat him up for the rest of his life about this. For me, that was coming from a place of anger and pain instead of loving solutions.