Aw, Lola. You didn't deserve this.I've found the hardest part of this is having no control. You were willing & able to fix your marriage. At least you know you really tried. You didn't bail prematurely because you couldn't be bothered to make the effort. I know our situations are completely different. But the piece that is making you sad is the same thing that bothers me. You loved him. You loved him enough to want to fix it. It meant something. You took the committment and responsiblity seriously. But these lousy men of ours that like the idea of a relationship/marriage, but don't know how to have or maintain committment to a partner. You're not only normal. You'd be odd if you weren't experienceing these emotions. One of my employees just found her husband has been cheating so she is just starting out on this trip. The other day she said, 'Men!. I just don't know why god made them.." {It's funnier in her accent} But that made me laugh. Although I can think of one reason..... I haven't been laid since Jan. 24th, the day I told what's his name about the cat. One step forward. Two steps back. Part of the journey that we're on. The one we never wanted to take. Hugs
Lola, I was checking your other thread every few days, had no idea you started a new one...
Just caught up on everything here, and I can understand your longing for closure, to be done, etc. Just remember that D paperwork has NOTHING to do with that. It's just paperwork. And it sounds like you'll be tied to him with this bankruptcy thing regardless of the D going through. The emotion swings are normal, and I appreciate your honesty in posting about them. That's why I always follow your threads.
Anyway, glad to hear you're doing so well, keep it up. Do the paperwork if you need to, but don't expect it to fix anything. In fact, don't be surprised if it makes you feel worse, not better. Hang in there!
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I put off the paperwork for a long time, and it doesn't bring me closure, because I already have that.
I feel better today. 'Stronger somehow. Although part of me is still sad, that part is getting smaller every day. RR, you are right, I did try. Kal...I know that I did all I could...and I am solid in the fact that I did. Jon...this is not closure for me at all. More like a last annoying step. I think during the first year, if H would have been willing, we could have worked through this. But now I see that I, we all, deserve better, whether it is with a spouse that is williing to do the work, alone, or with someone else.
I think for me, the D is just the final chapter. I don't imagine it will make me feel better, but since I am really finished with all of this, it is the last step.
Today, I am good
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Glad you are feeling good today. I served my H two weeks ago, he still hasn't returned the receipt of service. It was time to finish the process, but it still sucks. Like you, sometimes I feel strong, other times, I feel sad. It just frustrates me to know that I was willing and he...wasn't.
I am glad you are going forward in life and not letting it pass you by....
BBJ: I think when my brother died, I realized life is so short. At that point, I had spend a year and a half trying to do whatever I needed to so that stbx and I could maybe work through this mess.
I think it finally sunk in that he didn't want to work it out. But there has been so much I have learned from it that, as painful as it was, I don't think I would change the experience. It changed me, for the better. I know what to look for. I know that I am capable of great, unconditional love. And I know how I want to be treated, and how I would like to treat someone else. I am more compassionate, slower to judge, and understanding of people who want to hang in there.
I think although we all are going through this, and some of us will reconcile and some won't, ultimately it is what you take from the experience. When I first came to this board a year and a half ago, I was a mess. I had no idea of what I was doing. Now, I do.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lola... what's up with you these days? Your thread is quiet, hope that's good. any news from stbxh? Is your pm disabled? I made some real life appletinis the other night and I thought of you. Want one? It sounds weird, but it's actually quite yummy.
I like your last post btw.
Nothing's happening with me, or with my xr anyway. I'm actually ok. you know, I have my moments.... a few times a day. Getting through it little by little. Someone told me the best way to get over a man is under the next man. I might try that sometime soon and see if it helps. I think it's near time you should try it too, but not with the senior dude, lol. Find a hottie and have some fun.
Hey RR: Been really sick for the past week...first day back to work. I am tired...but all I have done is sleep. I feel better but just tired.
Not too much new...did get the waiver of service so I dont have to have stbx served back signed but not notarized. Go figure. Let's see how long it takes him to get it back this time. I swear, the man is not stupid. But do I have to give him step by step instructions for EVERYTHING?
I have gotten out there a little. I have had one official date, but have not heard from the guy. Actually, this was okay though, because before I would have gotten so bent out of shape. But I realized that it didn't really bother me, the rejection, because I realize it is a normal process. I had a great time on the date, he seemed to, but maybe the timing is off or whatever, and I did not take it personally.
Actually, right now, I am really enjoying being on my own. I just got the cable turned on, and LOL this sounds cheesy, but am enjoying not having to share the remote. D13 has her own TV
The only piece of me missing now is from missing my brother, but sometimes I swear I can hear him laughing...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I keep wondering why stbx is stalling. I did the divorce papers, sent them to him, filed them, and gave him the waiver of service to sign. He signed it,sent it back, and conveniently forgot to have it notarized. My last posting was ten days ago. Still nothing. He swears he will send it.
I don't get it. Why is he dragging his feet? What is the purpose? He has made it very clear over the last two plus years of separation that he does not want me, does not love me, never has anything good to say about our time together. I got it. I understand, and am working my best to move forward with my life in the most productive way. And for the most part, I have.
But still he stalls. This is what he wanted...so why not follow through?
Truth be told, part of me wants desparately to believe that maybe, just maybe, he is reconsidering. Although I am not sure what that would mean for me. I am not going back to Texas. But the other, more logical, sensible part thinks there must be a reason why he is stalling, other than because he still loves me. It must be his immigration, although I am not his sponsor, maybe it will look better if he is married to a US citizen. But there is the fact that we don't live together, and haven't in a long time.
And then I think I am trying to talk myself out of still loving him. Will that ever stop? Will I ever NOT love this man who hurt me so much, treated me so badly? I know I deserve better.
And then I wonder...
why is he stalling?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
But still he stalls. This is what he wanted...so why not follow through?
why is he stalling?
Lola--
I will not be much help...if you get your answer, let me know! This is exactly where I am with my H. I did all the legal footwork, his sole job was to get the receipt notarized and 4 weeks later, still hasn't. Mine actually said the other night it was b/c he didn't really want the D but all actions prove otherwise...
I just think it is the final injustice to leave us hanging when they have said time and again that they are 'done'...
And I admit, like you, I sometimes wonder if it means something (leading to a future R) but it is too hard to mind read!!
