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DW,

I am done snooping, I have had this for months and I finally figured out what it was and now that I know, Im done. No need for that anymore and while it does hurt and hurt bad to know that she did this, it is also giving me a weird feeling of relief in that I now know the truth even though she continues to lie. It makes it easier to detach and not focus every waking moment on her and the R or lack thereof.


Thank you so much for stopping by and responding. I really couldn't be making it through all of this without all of you supporting me!

LR1


Me-37, W-36, M-14, T-24, D-11, S-7
Bomb - 11/29/08, D filed - 9/10/09

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I totally agree with initial snooping to figure out what the truth is. But once you know, if you KEEP snooping you just torture yourself so much.

Ofcourse it hurts, but as all of us can tell you here. It will get better. Not for awhile, but you've turned a corner.

Good for you.

Stacy


Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15
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Nothing new today. Although last night W texted me at 7:30 asking if I was ok and then again at 9:40 and I didn't answer either text. She then called me at 4am because she was worried. I answered the phone b/c I thought something might be wrong with kids or something. I was nice but just said I was fine and asleep and sorry I didn't respond. I'm not sure what to think of this other than she is not used to me not responding to her. I dunno?

She called me this morning to plan the weekend for me and the kids. They are staying with me tonight and one of D's friends is coming over to spend the night. We should have a good time. Tomorrow night I am going with a friend from work to a local MMA fighting event. That should be fun too.

Sunday is my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary and W asked me over to the party so I am going to be over there with a smile on my face and act as if nothing is wrong and I am fine.

Should be a busy weekend, enough journaling - off to get the kids


Me-37, W-36, M-14, T-24, D-11, S-7
Bomb - 11/29/08, D filed - 9/10/09

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Pretty uneventful weekend as far as W goes. I went to church yesterday by myself and W took the kids and sat with her sis and parents. Yesterday's sermon was on adultery! I can not believe she was able to sit through that sermon, I was uncomfortable and I am not the one committing it. Her sis did tell me that she cried a lot during church, but I doubt it affected her at all. I also found out more stuff and I wasn't even looking for it.

I really think this thing is about to come to a head as far as it being in the open, instead of just the family knowing. My sister called me yesterday and said that she got an email from her niece from college that described my wife and OM stating that OM told her he was dating my wife and had been for a year and that we were getting D'd and he was moving into my house.

Reality is about to hit my W and her boytoy. He is has no job, no education and expects to live off my wife's money, to which she doesn't have and what she does have I will be taking half. I need to talk to my L and see how adultery matters in child custody. I have no idea, does anyone out there know? You would think that it would, but who knows.


Me-37, W-36, M-14, T-24, D-11, S-7
Bomb - 11/29/08, D filed - 9/10/09

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It depends on if you live in a no fault state. I don't know what Arkansas is. Texas is a no fault so it really doesn't matter. However, I do know that in Texas if the one committing adultery introduces the kids to OM while you 2 are married, that can play into your favor big time with a judge. My W hasn't made that serious mistake yet.

Get a free consultation with a L. They can tell you all the ins and outs. I would go to more than just one also.

In the mean time, keep praying for your M to be restored.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
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I have already acquired a VERY good L and I will ask him. I was looking for some free advice here smile This kid was our baby sitter, not now of course, but they have taken the kids to dinner just about a month ago although it was with another guy as well, not sure if that matters. I am not sure how the no fault works, but in AR you can file no fault if living apart for 18 months, adultery, impotence, drugs, jail time, and a few others, otherwise you have to have something the court deems worthy of divorce.

My L told me that he doesn't think she has a case to file, but I do. Now I don't want to break up my family and get D, so that is not what I want to do, BUT I don't want this freaking guy to move into my house with my kids! If he is in the picture, I want them as far away from him as possible!


Me-37, W-36, M-14, T-24, D-11, S-7
Bomb - 11/29/08, D filed - 9/10/09

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Originally Posted By: LR1
I went to see a L today for the first time to get some info. The meeting went really good and he is one of the best if not the best L in town. I just want to protect myself from this crazy person I used to know. The weird part right now is I think that reality is hitting me and detachment is occurring pretty fast. I am kind of OK with all of this right now. Who knows if that will change, but I know that I will be OK through all of this if she follows through with the D. I found some indisputable proof last night that the EA is a PA and I will leave it at that, but I found that out about 10 minutes before she told me she saw a L. That is probably fueling my detachment and I think this is a good thing. I now get to work on me for no other reason except to better myself and make the best of my life and my children's lives.


LR,

Been following your thread and can sympathize for you since I'm in the same boat. I'm curious...what type of advice did the lawyer give? I'm in North Carolina and although our D will be 10 months down the road, I talked to someone at a law firm and they told me the courts don't care about an A unless the wife is asking for alimony. And in that case, she would be hard pressed to get it. But as for assets and children, 50/50 is usually the norm regardless of the circumstances. I think that's a terrible law since any spouse that has an A and puts him/herself before his/her children should have to suffer by losing some custody.

I had my weekly session with my MC today and she told me a couple things you may find helpful:

1. SLOW DOWN! D is a long way down the road (for me) and I don't need to make any rash decisions.

2. Do not push my WAS to end her PA and come move back home. If she does this, she will only continue to have feelings for the OM and try to see him behind my back. She said go NC and let the PA die it's natural death, which it will.

3. I would love to have full custody of my children and thought about asking my wife for it. But my MC said don't do it...my W needs to be stressed now by her job, OM AND the kids. She needs to feel what it's like to live that life. And besides, taking the kids 100% will only give her more time to spend with the OM.

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I'm in agreement there. I think if you have an A, you should lose rights to the kids when you D.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
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Posts: 29
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Originally Posted By: K4D
I'm in agreement there. I think if you have an A, you should lose rights to the kids when you D.

Kevin


If my W and I reconcile, which I don't see happening, I was thinking about having her sign a legal document saying if she cheats again, she forfeits all child custody. Not sure if that would hold up in court though.

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Quote:
If my W and I reconcile, which I don't see happening, I was thinking about having her sign a legal document saying if she cheats again, she forfeits all child custody. Not sure if that would hold up in court though.


Don't count on it. The courts these days are way to liberal. And I doubt she would sign it anyways.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
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