Steve's 180

[Steve McQueen]

thinking it out here before I actually say it.

#######

I am not in love with you anymore. I care about you but I have not been happy in this marriage for a long time. This is not the way I want to live. I have tried to keep it together for our kids, but I feel we are only setting an example for them of what it is like to live miserably. We all deserve better.

I am sorry. It's not you. It is me. I have come to some realizations lately and I miss the feeling and emotions that come when you love someone. I don't feel that way with you and I am not sure how to bring that feeling back or if it is at all possible. I feel I am missing out on something and need to find it in my life. I dont know what it is but I am sure it is not the unhappiness I have felt all these years.

I really hope that in the future we can be friends for our children. I remember us being great friends. Maybe we were too great of friends and were suppose to be just that.

[Steve McQueen]

I don't feel that way with you and I am not sure how to bring that feeling back or if it is at all possible. I feel I am missing out on something that I need in my life right now. I dont know what it is but I am sure it is not the unhappiness I have felt all these years.

I really hope that in the future we can be friends for our children. I remember us being great friends. Maybe we were too great of friends and were suppose to be just that. Maybe mariage was not right for us. Maybe both us married the wrong person.

I have seen so many positive changes in you over the past few years, new interests, new friends. I want you to be happy and explore those interests. I am afraid I will only hold you down or pull you in a different direction as I explore mine.

[mindfull]

Steve:

I've tried to piece together what threads you have started...

So, is your history the one re: wife was depressed, couldn't really diagnose an illness, got into Buddhism, psychic reading about a "friend" she knew being a medical worker in Atlanta, living parallel lives, wanted to leave, D tried to run away, stayed?

IF SO...

How many kids? How long married? How old are you?

Why now? What have you tried re: DR/DB?

Is daughter in a more stable place for the above to happen now?


I've read some of your posts to others, and got a chuckle out of your wit/humor. Wondering what's behind all of that... Sorry you felt the need to publish the above!

[Gypsy]

How about saying it in a mixed tape?

"Yesterday"

"I've Lost that Loving Feeling."

"Where Do We Go From Here?"

"We Are Family."

To put the final nail in the coffin, be "I, I, I" like the Frito Bandito.

*hugs*

[The Wifey]

Steve,

Is this really where you are or is it just the pain talking? No one can tell you when you are done. You get to decide. But real friends ask before they tell their friends to hit send.

Its hard, it hurts, it may even seem impossible, but are you really done?

[Steve McQueen]

LOL, my wife's psychic reading was way more interesting than that. wish I didnt know about it.

I came to this site to better understand the concept of a walk away wife. Thinking I must have been neglectful and self-centered throughout my marriage. Maybe I spent too much time focusing on the kids; maybe I was too concerned about a career, you know, gotta have the volvo, the house and the landscape the toys and memberships, the kids need to be cool and that costs money. $hit mom and dad need to be cool too hes working his butt off. But I wasnt neglectful nor self-centered; I was a very loving caring husband. I took pride in being just that.

So whats going on? This whole MLC thing is just so bizarre. I could probably deal with her running off or another man in the picture more so than a ghost monk who is guiding her spirit through this lifetime. It has been going on for far too long and has taken its toll on me. I cannot understand it and she is just too mean to me and the kids.

Is this where I stand? Was this a friday night suicide note for my marriage (that after watching a hanna montana marathon with the kids)? or maybe a last ditch effort for a wake up call to my wife? Not sure yet. I have no plans on giving her this note, but I feel it will be coming out of mouth one day soon.

I have learnt so much from this site. Not just about relationships but about myself. Michelle's book is a playbook but not in the normal sense. In conjuction with this site, it really makes you look outside the sitch you are living in to ask is what I am doing working, what else can I try and honestly am I happy. Being in a relationship is a wonderful thing. It really does bring out the best of ones self. But when it doesnt or stops to do so or you find yourself just hurting and lonely, you begin to ask yourself some serious questions. And you begin hoping for answers.

Humor and wit? Thank you. what is it all about, I think in the midst of all of this loss and confusion you need to remain happy about yourself and if you are lucky find humor in it, because after all it is just life, not the life you planned for X number of years ago, but it still is yours you have to live with it. I see alot of people seriously hurting on this site. Hurting and hanging on for crumbs of attention while they are being disrespected and losing their last bits of self-esteem and confidence. I apologize if my comments are not in line with what someone wants to hear. But honestly I do really hate reading you are so unhappy.

Am I done? YES. I am done giving and giving and trying and trying and over and over again. She is far to mean. She is not normal. It is not working. You go through alot of stages understanding yourself, understanding someone else understanding your relationship with them. I have come to the point I dont know what else to do. thanks for reading, Steve McQueen.

[Steve McQueen]

Mixed tape?

this morning on the radio I heard, "50 ways to leave your lover"
switch the station and "Goodbye you $uck" was on.

wooooo. psychic. LOL.

[mindfull]

Hahaha

Steve, I just turned the TV on (fire up the dodododo music) and MTV was fired up (KIDS WERE HERE LAST!), and the video was on of New Boyz - "You're a Jerk!"

We must have psychic waves.

Read your background. Well, that just sucks, doesn't it? !!!

I have been going through the motions of DR/DB, and I am progressing nicely (but slowly), but I'm not getting nearly as much out of it as you. Way to dig in.

Good man.

[Steve McQueen]

We must have psychic waves.

ohhhhh. baby.

Read your background. Well, that just sucks, doesn't it? !!!

couldnt make this $hit up if i tried. sad to say.
SM

[mindfull]

Steve, where ya at?

So, W is in MLC. Is she still at home?

What's her beef w/you? (too witty and humorous?!!)

You mentioned the focus on kids, career, club memberships, cool kids, cool parents... Did you lose sight of her in all of this? (I'm guilty of this! It sucks. Where does that leave you? Solitary partnership)

Is she having an affair?

What's mean?