Thanks for the well wishes. Been trying to catch up on this.
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We got home and watched a movie together. I then told her I understand her need for space if she would like for me to sleep in a seperate room. She smile and said "No, let's go to bed."
I realize everyone is different, but it seems odd that a woman who is talking about getting a D, still wants to sleep in the same bed with her H. I'm just saying "most" WAW's don't want to do that.
I do think she's confused about your changes and doesn't understand why you are doing them "now". Maybe it is just that you seem "different"....not scary. There are several reasons that she could be in the state of mind she's in. I think most of it started out as health related.....like depression, hormonal, etc. That can easily lead to other problems. That MC certainly didn't help matters!
She needs some hope that her feelings toward you can change, but all you can do is to continue to show her how you've improved. Don't discuss it and don't talk about how good the M can be, etc. Stay away from R talks if at all possible. The more you are focused on the M problems, the more she is going to be seeing the worst in you. When you stop thinking about the MR all the time, then she will see the new & improved you. That is when she'll start to fall in love with you. Something to shoot for, wouldn't you say?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi. That is my goal now. Got home from my business trip and W was gone with the kids. She is staying with a friend of ours for the immediate future about an hour away. Has the kids. She is having me served D papers on Monday. I don't know if I escalated the issue the other day or not. Apparently I did. You never know though. It could have been her plan all along. I can't think about mistakes if that is what I made. Have to keep my goal ahead of me. Have talked to her a couple of times. Kids are good. I am going to have them next weekend.
The past couple of times we've talked she's felt inclined to give me ideas on how to occupy my time (weird).
I have to GAL right now. Can't sit around and mope or feel sorry for myself. Staying positive. Going hiking.
Looks like my W is fast tracking the D now. I am still DBing, just have to look out for my kids now with the legal stuff. I am acting AS IF and concentrating on GAL...while my head spins with legal info at the same time.
Being away from her now...It makes me see the madness that our life had become in as little as 4 or 5 months. The constant tension. I am not angry with my W right now...I almost feel sad for her. I can see her sadness more and more as each day passes without her. The disconnect with reality. The constant idea that the grass is always greener in our marriage. It permeated throughout or 10 years together.
Right now I am mourning the apparent loss of our family as this D becomes fast tracked and I have to fight legally for time with my D's. The reality of the scenario felt even more real as I sat in a lawyers office today. I feel very saddened and hurt for our children right now and what they are going through and are about to go through.
I feel very wrong right now to feel some of these feelings...Am I completely detaching? Am I accepting the reality of the situation as I had not previously? No matter how dark this gets I do not want to give up on my goal: To reconcile with my W.
It just doesn't seem like it would be a reality right now. She seems so bent on moving forward. There is no way that we could reconcile right now unless she woke up?? This person who I talk to now, I just don't know who she is anymore.
It sounds as if it has really hit you in the face and you may feel a bit numb......or can't define your feelings at the moment. I haven't been in your shoes, so I can't truly say that I "know" how you are feeling. But, I do care and I am so sorry this is happening. I hope you will not give up posting b/c you need the support here, okay? We want to hear from you and see how things are going in your life. Things have a strange way of making big turns......so you never know what may be down the road. The important thing is to take good care of yourself and be there for your kids.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi. Thanks for checking on me. I really appreciate it. We are still cordial. Talk everyday as I call to talk with my little D's. I need to detach, detach, detach...
You need to talk to your lawyer and get your kids back into your house. She is establishing sole custody at the moment, don't let it stand. File for temporary custody today. Do not leave your house unless you are forced to do so my the court.
I'm a man . . . But I can change . . . If I have to . . . I guess . . .
