Cake eating WAW in MLC and EA part 2

[mulesqb]

My W had a very successful career prior to kids, but has not worked in about 10 years. My L indicated the same thing, i.e. she can and should work.

Assuming this goes where it appears to be headed, I would like to have at least 50% legal and physical custody and retain the house. The only question with custody is that since I work full time, my time is not as flexible as a SAHM. The house may be a long shot, but obviously the kids are what's most important. Beyond that not having to pay support to her for more than a few years would be preferable. At this point, I really haven't flushed these issues out in any depth with my L. Things have been moving fast lately. I'm just coming up on 4 months post bomb.

She definitely wants her independence from me, but my W is pretty responsible as a Mother. She is certainly making time for herself to do things and sharing baby sitting with friends to enable her to do things.

This is good for you. But if you want 50%, ask for a lot more.

She wants her independence now. We'll see how that works out for her in the long run. Just keep being the good man you are and set an example for your kids. Everything else will fall into place.

Mules

[mulesqb]

Thanks Mules.

I suppose anything is possible. But my W has never been one to explode about anything or bait me into a fight. She tends to avoid any type of conflict. She has absolutely no basis for any type of abuse and I don't intend to create one.

We really have little to no interaction once the kids are in bed. She either leaves the house to hang out with her friends or goes in the basement (where she sleeps). When I do speak with her she is making a concerted effort to be civil.

Cabbr

Cabbr - I could have written your post last year. She did try and fortunately I was warned. I hope your W remains civil and keeps a level head. That can only be a positive for you.

[Steve McQueen]

cab i threw that out not because it was your situation but because i think we (men and women) here sharing the same awful situations need to stick together and learn from eachother. someone might read this someday and think man that happened to me, or wait my spouse exhibits that same behavior, i am not alone.

who has the kids during the day, she is with them. but to be honest, i have a web cam set up in the house and my daughter, sister and I have those walkie talkie cell phones. panic button. its embrassing as hell when you have to tell work what is going on and that if you run out the door its not because you just snapped your wife did.

i guess you just have to realize that this does not last forever and their is a light at the end of the tunnell. you just dont when you will get there or whats on the other end. that maybe why we stay in limbo so long. plus is is not like that 24/7. the yo-yo analogy fits perfect. i am still trying to figure out the pattern and what the tiggers are.

enough about me. take care of yourself and stay out of legal discussions if you cant agree 100%. not worth the headache listening to it when you will see something different on paper later.

[CABBR]

Thanks Steve. You're right some of these situations are so similar it's scary and people glean a lot from reading other peoples' posts. I am very grateful for the time, effort and thoughtfulness by all who have responded. This site is a godsend.

Cabbr

[CABBR]

These WW's on here kill me- and hell I was one at one time!

I would have never expected my exh to give me a divorce and support me financially at the same time!!

Big Girl Panties! Duh, if you can't afford to get a divorce and live on your own you're not entitled to a divorce! No in house separations, nada- and forget carrying on an affair. If you cannot afford to divorce under your own power then put your big girl panties on and deal with working on your marriage!

I gave him the house, the cars, most of the furnishings and I only asked for childcare expenses- not child support. If I was the one who wanted a divorce why should I be able to clean him out? My attorney wanted me to go for retirement and such because of the length of our marriage and I said no!

I could support myself financially- although he made three times what I make. I didn't ask him to cover a dang thing for me and wouldn't have- too much pride for that.

If they want to live like they lived before then they need to take a second or third job to have that lifestyle. What's fair for the kids is all they should get.

Sorry, rant over!

Thanks KF. The really funny thing is that my W is a hard worker and typically takes much pride in being independent and self sufficient. She has always had a lot of drive and energy. I can't read her mind, but I believe she thinks her responsibility as a Mother trumps all of that.

Cabbr

[Kittyfish]

She wants to be able to have fun while you pay the bills!

[CABBR]

Cabbr - Are any of her friends divorced that she in hanging with?? Have any of them had what they consider very successful settlements? I'm really sorry to bring all this up. I just want you to be aware of what could happen so if it does come up, you are prepared and don't fall for anything. This process can turn good people into something else. And again, I'm sorry - I really would rather you discuss DBing with everyone here, but since you are at this point, I just wanted you to be prepared.

Strength and Honor.

Mules[/quote]

Mules,

Sorry I missed this one yeaterday. There is only one friend that I know of going through a D. I really don't know what kind of support she is getting or is likely to get. I know this friend doesn't have much money.

Virtually all of my W's other friends are married women she knows from our kids' school and is not really talking about our situation with them for the time being.

Cabbr

[CABBR]

Mules,

One question: your signature indicates you are in limbo but you said tht you "have your kids." Is this because nothing is happening with a D? Just curious how this is working.

Cabbr

[CABBR]

Today we spent time as a family. Went to a marine aquarium near the waterfront where we live. (in separate cars.)My s9 had lost it on the phone last night with my W. She had said that she would be home for dinner and called to say she would have dinner with her friend and would therefore miss bed time. S9 wouldn't even talk to her and was really irate.

Today he was very affectionate toward both of us and very happy most of the day. It didn't even occur to my W that s9 was happy because he had both parents together for the day.

I made apoint of telling her tonight that whether she wants to admit it or not that she is out a lot and s9 notices and is upset and concerned. He talks about it all the time.

She says that her being out is by design and that he'll have to get used to it. I'm like I just wanted you to know and ended the conversation.

Cabbr

[mulesqb]

Mules,

One question: your signature indicates you are in limbo but you said tht you "have your kids." Is this because nothing is happening with a D? Just curious how this is working.

Cabbr

Hey cabbr - Yeah I need to change that. SYBX moved out back in Feb. She actually is living with my neighbor's father and also tries to hide that she is staying with my neighbor. It's sick as my kids constantly see her next door.

I did get full custody of the boys back in March. The only thing left to be worked out in our divorce is financial. We hope to have it done soon. My lawyer tells me we will be divorced within a month or two.

Strength and Honor.

Mules