Journalling.... Another day........over...time flies by...I was just thinking, its been almost 6 months since I made the move...it has been 6 entire months!!!! WOW!
Its been 2 months since my D and still in some small protected corner of my brain, I thought my exH would come for Thanksgiving. Instead he took extra shifts at work.....
Why do I still cry over him? Why do I expect anything? In some small way I have started expecting...bc I haven't felt as bad as I did last night when he texted me his Thanksgiving plans. Later when he called, I didn't pick up. I didn't want to talk to him. Not...I couldn't talk to him....I actually didn't want to....I felt betrayed all over again. Why????????????????? He does not owe me anything. I have spent other holidays alone, but this one really is gonna be rough...I was thinking I better plan something....but, what????
I will come up with something....sigh....
Sounds like I'm doing bad...but, actually I'm good today...had a good day...and have many things I need to do this week. I just have to get the picture of what I wanted or...thought I would have this year....out of my head!
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. (((((hugs)))))
Where have you been, and what have you been doing? How have you been holding up? This time of year can be so hard. Last year at this time, H told me he had filed for D. I couldn't bare to watch any of those made for TV Christmas love stories. I also couldn't tolerate hearing any Christmas music on the radio or in the stores. However this year, while the D is in progress, it doesn't seem to be bothering me. I believe it may have something to do with the STRENGTH I have gained along the way.
Hey MJ, I'm doing ok. Just busy this month with work. This time of the year is always a little hard....but, I'm holding up. Mostly, I'm in denial. Sigh. I still just don't have anything new to say....which is why I don't write much anymore. It is what it is. I feel angry. I feel I did not deserve this. It's not that he decided to leave me...its that he didn't tell me, went to a lawyer, handed me the papers, disappeared, and 4 months later I was divorced. No talking....nothing I can hold on to...just abandonment. Oh well, such is life I guess.
Anyways, I'm just in a slump....this too shall pass. I keep praying and focusing on improving my career. I feel very positive and excited about that aspect of my life.
Believe it or not, I'm doing well, just becoming a bit more matter of fact and less emotional. I don't think I want to be that person anymore. Its a difficult transition....but, I will get there. I'm determined.
Thanks for checking on me MJ. I will do better to check in..
Wish you both a wonderful holiday season. I was busy with work. And then had a visit with my parents and brother for a day. It was difficult. I forgot how good it feels to be pampered and hugged by another. Anyways, it was nice to see family. Hope you both had a good weekend and Christmas. Hope you have a great new year's!!
