Try not to let your H's accusations get to you. He just needs someone to blame for his own inability to deal.
Most of the WAWs do that. They transfer their frustrations, fear, guilt, shame, embarrasment, etc. onto the LBS so they don't seem like the bad guy.
When he texts you just don't respond back. If he calls you and says they are about the kids, call him back and once the kid part is over, say that you were in the middle of something and gotta go.
Just like that.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Does your H know that these are the options you see? What does he think about this?
He says let's do the bankruptcy, let's file for legal sep, but doesn't take any action. I have offered resources including a bankruptcy attorney, he could see my relative who is a D attorney who would lay out how this works, he could see his own D attorney (obviously), I have a financial advisor, we have an accountant, we have a referral for a debt counselor...
I have to make the appointments and pick the path (and that is what he has always ultimately resented me for cuz I'm controlling)...yada yada..
I could lay out the options one more time and see what he says. He's too chicken sh*t to own this one. Dammit.
You've been working hard to focus on yourself and to take the higher road. You are angry and you have every right to be. Perhaps you are in a gray area between DBing and faking it. At some point, perhaps when you've made your decision about what to do, authenticity will have to come into play. In other words, when you're mad as hell, you will be direct about it (not hysterical, just direct) rather than hiding behind nice texts.
I know I said I lost it but in reality, that means I was authentic and direct. I guess optimally, I would have the guts to just state my bottom line (s) without judging/analyzing him. I would take the information he gives me and make a determination as to if and how it effects me and the kids. No more trying to break through. That means, no emotional investment in what he thinks about me or says to me and others including my kids.
The nice texts are genuine. This is f'ing stupid. We love eachother and like eachother (our real selves) and are both trying to stay afloat. But, the reality is that he is choosing to deal with this separate and apart from me so he should be on his own.
Well then, it is a blessing that you are able to be nice to each other and face the tough stuff directly. You will be forever connected because of the boys, so why not be true yet mature and kind.
I'm aware of my dysfunction. I'm seeing a C tomorrow. I need to stop seeing us as a team (25 told me this a million years ago). If explaing it conveys that I think it is working for me then I'm guilty of grave miscommunication.
For now, I really want to work on NOT reacting so emotionally to him. Beyond how I communicate with him but what happens internally. Thus the C.
I just feel like I'm digging myself into a hole here. I know this is not liveable.
