I've been still hanging around here a bit and did not think about starting another thread as post divorce life is going pretty well. XW and I finally settled on the last 2 issues - me paying her tax reduced cash for the remaining retirement division and signing an agreement about the kids extracurricular activity financial responsibilities. I have terminated my service with my L and got what remains of my retainer back.
We are co-parenting very well together. The kids tell me that Ed proclaimed a couple weeks ago that he is going to marry their mother. XW, the kids and possibly Ed (if business things are tied up) are taking off in a couple days for 3 weeks in Thailand. The kids say that if Ed goes he wont stay at XW's mother's house because he is afraid the mosquitoes would bite up his bald head - yeah right! I wonder a bit how W will perceived in Thailand in the company of an old man - maybe that is common there.
I will miss the kids as this will be the longest they have been away from me, but I plan to keep busy on my own tidying up my garage and sheds. I need to talk to my golf instructor about setting me up with a golf partner (with similar abilities) to get out on the course for some games.
The reason for this post is that I have come to realize that I cant be in a long term relationship with the lady I have been seeing the last 9 months and I need to break it off. We just dont seem that compatible with each other and my kids dont want to be in a mixed family with her daughter.
I have never had to be the one to initiate a breakup, and I dont want to hurt her as she has looked for so long for the right man. She is a kind and nice lady. I had thought that maybe she was seeing the same incompatibilities as me in our relationship, however, I got a card in the mail today from her and it is very heart-felt. It could be that she detects my lack of romantic interest and she is trying some romantic damage control. I don’t want to classify myself as a “walk away boyfriend” as our relationship has not been that deep.
My plan was that the next time we were together without the kids that I was going to have the breakup talk. However, that may be a couple weeks from now and I don’t think it fair to either of us to not get this out in the open. I will probably call her tonight or tomorrow night after she gets off work. There is no easy way to say it. I will not bring up any of her or my pitfalls. I think it best to just be firm and say that I cant give her 100% of my heart and that I have given it a lot of thought. Anyone else have any advice on how to ease out of a relationship?
We have had reservations for 3 weeks of vacation with the kids on Kauai in August for quite some time. She had only told her very devout parents that she was going on vacation to Hawaii and now tells me today that her mother and father (a minister in 2 churches) have found out she is going with me. Her mother is also not happy that she will have to fill in for her at work. I suspect her parents would be extremely angry if they knew that I was not religious and that she and her daughter have been spending some Friday nights at my house. My thoughts are to suggest to her that it is still ok for all of us to go on the vacation together, but just as friends. I will say that if it is going to be too uncomfortable for her emotionally, that I will refund the money she paid even though the flights are non-refundable. Am I stupid or insensitive to suggest that she and her daughter can still go on vacation next month?
I understand what you mean, there's no good way to do it, is there? But better now than letting it drag out, I think.
I think telling her she is still welcome on the trip is absolutely the right thing to do. It could still be a great trip, even if not a romantic one. If you have hung out together for this long, it would be nice to think that you might be able to be friends in the end. Hard to actually pull off, but a nice goal.
I would focus the emphasis of the talk on the situation involving the kids. That is a serious issue.
You sound comfortable with the kids interaction with 'Ed'. I hope that is something I can someday accomplish, in a way I'm getting there, but obviously have underlying issues with my XW's "fiance".
Irony tho, why is it, it is ok that the WAS can run off and marry their new 'sweeheart' and the kids are ok, and yet the LBS has to be very selective and cautious in what they do after the D cloud settles?
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I am having the break up talk in person tonight after my golf lesson. I have prepared myself well for it, but I am still dreading breaking her heart.
She told me this morning that since her parents now know she was going to Hawaii with me, that a family chaperone must go also and she can only go for 2 weeks instead of 3. So her brother from California, who I have not met, is assigned the job. He is now questioning that the condo I have rented is a scam (it is not) and wants to talk to the owner and investigate further.
I feel sorry for her that she has such a meddeling and controlling family. They look at her as the jewel of the family and I think it has affected her prior relationships.
I am having the break up talk in person tonight after my golf lesson. I have prepared myself well for it, but I am still dreading breaking her heart.
She told me this morning that since her parents now know she was going to Hawaii with me, that a family chaperone must go also and she can only go for 2 weeks instead of 3. So her brother from California, who I have not met, is assigned the job. He is now questioning that the condo I have rented is a scam (it is not) and wants to talk to the owner and investigate further.
I feel sorry for her that she has such a meddeling and controlling family. They look at her as the jewel of the family and I think it has affected her prior relationships.
Say what?
Do they realize the current year is 2009, not 1209? A chaparone? Will she be wearing a chastity(s/p) belt as well? Ever see Spaceballs? A certain scene comes to my mind if you have and you've gotta be laughing.
Wow, that's all I can say, wowwwie!
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Yes, her parents live in a different time period. When I went to her church - her mother would not come near me because we had not been formally introduced.
The brother from California is in his 30's and is still in search of a virgin to marry. Good luck with that.
Thanks Kathleen. I may even suggest that it might be good for her to find a hobby or something on her own to develop a passion for.
dday -
I want to know how you go about finding out if a lady is a virgin when you go out on a date. Do you ask them up front - "are you a virgin?" Is there a dating service to meet virgin ladies through?
lol