you beseeched one of us to 2x4 you into getting back into your book. I have now given 2x4's to you TWICE on that topic and you have replied to neither.
Sorry -- didn't think it was on-topic or relevant. 5,000 more words done. Photograph rights licensed and paid for. Check dispatched to Imperial War Museum, London, for artwork.
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if you don't stop worrying so much about every breath she takes, every move she makes, and every word she says or writes,
Right sentiment, wrong verb -- "worrying." She annoys me. She sends me annoying communications. Then gets annoyed when I'm annoyed. Or for no reason at all.
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You will remain stuck in the past, stuck on her, and you will develop an obsession with her and with the topic of divorce. You are already headed that direction.
Actually I'm headed in quite a different direction, in the U.S., Canada, and Europe, between now and Labor Day. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades.
OK I'll change my verb from "worrying" to the more accurate "obsessing". Sorry, dude. I'm callin' it like it is.
You are doing great by all accounts. You have come through a very horrible personal trauma. But what you may not realize is that recovery and the pursuit of it can become an obsession, and end up just keeping you tied to the thing you were trying to detach from.
Have a great vacation, but please do your damndest to stop thinking about her/it/this/sitch/db-ing/etc.
I know its hard. I've been there.
But try. When she/her/it/this/sitch/db-ing/etc comes up in your mind, just turn it away and go somewhere else. Try to do this at least 50% of the time.
I know this board is a great resource, it has been for many and many others, but I also think there is a point when one needs to detach from the whole DB thing. Nearly 1000 posts in 3 months is a lot of activity here. A few weeks of just going with the flow might be a good idea.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
I know this board is a great resource, it has been for many and many others, but I also think there is a point when one needs to detach from the whole DB thing. Nearly 1000 posts in 3 months is a lot of activity here. A few weeks of just going with the flow might be a good idea.
I agree. I often recommend people take 5 days or so off, and go back and RE-READ what others have posted to them in the past, and they are often able to gain new insights since they are usually now in a different place.
Whether or not you go back and do that, I do think the break is a great idea. I've done it myself, several times.
If you or I take a break remember I'm still wishing you the best, whatever that might be. Hang in there man.
OrangeDog.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Me too! That is the greatest thing about this, I feel there are others out there thinking of me and I know I get strength from that, even if I am not reading and posting here for a few days.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
I remember being concerned that my only social activity was posting on this board during the height of my emotional chaos. A knowledgeable long time poster assured me that I was here because I needed to be here. And so it went.
My life would surge forward. I'd check on my friends, and keep developing more outside interests, challenging myself. I think it's an ebb and flow thing. I got tired of moaning about things that didn't change. Many well placed and repetitive 2x4's from friends here and in person helped me see what my true reality was. Getting away is sometimes the best thing to do. People who care about the 'total' support your choices.
And there are times I have nothing to offer. I was too raw to give to others. Each phase happens for a reason and helps you develop as needed. The one question to ask is.. Is this helping me be healthy? And always keep in mind.. Do no harm.
And the best.. the absolutely best.. is when life returns to normal.. when the problems are mundane, almost boring. It's fun to bitch without heartbreak.
You will remain stuck in the past, stuck on her, and you will develop an obsession with her and with the topic of divorce. You are already headed that direction.
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Actually I'm headed in quite a different direction, in the U.S., Canada, and Europe, between now and Labor Day. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades.
Well, let me clarify. Though I am indeed going to those places -- starting next week for a week, then a month later, then 2 weeks after that -- the "new directions" referred to the problem of developing an "obsession" with WAW and being "stuck on her" and "in the past."
These "New Directions" have breasts.
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go somewhere else. Try to do this at least 50% of the time.
3.5 hours of tennis, an hour of post-tennis lunch, an hour of Kaffeklatch, and an incredibly irritating, vastly annoying, epically frustrating 1.25-hour telco with.......
.......
........ WAIT FOR IT! .....
........
....... the cable company today.
WAWtime approacheth, though, as I have to prepare the transfer bags for the kids, who are spending the weekend in their new "other" home.
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there are times I have nothing to offer.
This is actually something I realized a couple days ago. I'm sort of pooped-out from my normal pep. Probably, I imagine, because I've entered this odd parallel dimension -- I am traveling through another dimension, a dimension of time and space.
IMO SP you are very fixated on your wife. You hang off every email, NOTE. phone call or text you recieve. You try to work out what it all means, implies...........
If you have found 'new directions' ( with breasts) then you are kidding yourself. This is nothing but a rebound relationship designed to help soothe your pain. Your kids dont need you to have this distraction and neither does the poor woman. Your W would resent you for it.
Your W has left you, you are not in control, of a part of your life which seems paramount to who you are !
If Signore smuck even disappeared off your wifes radar for 1 minute I would eat my hat ..... I say 1000/ 1 he is your wifes reason for not wanting to be married. Everything else is lies. she is convincing herself by telling you all the other garbage.
SP I have been there. I lied , I manipulated and I was smart.....until I got caught. LOL
Whether you admit it or not, I think we all know here that you are in real pain. You have been abandoned,your frightened, your futures stolen and your responsibilities as a parent doubled. Gotta hurt boyo.
seems to be a lot of effort being made to convince SP that the transition to physical separation and all the rest = confusing emotional rollarcoaster, WAS's antics sometimes get the best of us, times are tough right now. IMHO-I think he knows that. Just because he's not howling and exposing his underbelly on the board, doesn't mean that coping and re-grouping is not in progress.
As for 'new directions', I know this is a particularly dicey subject. Kinda trying to sort that out for myself. I am sure there are threads addressing this subject...will go search for one. Finding this point in the process perplexing, to say the least.
Regardless, hope you are well Smiley, on and off the board.
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
