What a difference a year makes!

[optimistwife]

Hello all,

It was this week last June my husband shocked me by saying he had rented an apartment and was moving out. He left the 22nd. of course before that was plenty of warning and unrest... you just never quite see it as the bomb until it lands directly on you.

The first month was a blur. The Divorce Busting phone coaching (Jody) got me through it... She kept me on track to preserving my marriage, setting goals (for me!) and realizing what things I was doing that were contributing to the situation.

The second month was a little less hazy- I started to get used to life alone. I started reading these boards- which was good and bad. It is good to know that there are so many who share our pain. It is also sad that so many are in this situation. Also that there are not more happy endings.

The months marched along. My husband and I had continued contact- I worked very hard to always be positive, supportive. He eyeballed life on the other side, came close to sampling it... but never did (and I believe him). Sometimes we only talked on the phone a minute or two a day or every other day. I usually asked more about his life... he asked less about mine.

We sometimes saw eachother- met for dinner or a movie. We occasionally slept together. It was at least a connection.

He took his name off of everything we had but the marriage certificate. Prior to thanksgiving he removed every remaining item out of the house to his appointment. He was on the edge of calling it quit. I could sense it. I told him I loved him still in an e-mail. We were on the verge...

And then it changed. Although he never came out and said 'it'... it happened. He came home to visit. And never left. He kept the apartment until the least ran out this May. He finished graduate school. We have made it to that other side. We talk about what happened in general terms, and he apologized for what has happened, but we acknowledge that we are stronger now.

There are still times I fear of being left alone, but I am more comfortable in telling him that, and he tells me that he made that mistake once and will not again, and is so lucky to have me. We are rebuilding our life, and have moved for his new job, a new start together in a new state.

It can be done! Things I have learned...

Let go of the past! If you hold on to the hurt you can never enjoy today... or tomorrow.

Wonderful people do stupid things, and go through stupid phases. Sometimes they come out on the other side better...

Begging, Whining, sniveling will get you nowhere.

Be direct, honest, and forward for a change (but not mean and nasty). Most of us have probably hid behind a curtain for a long time...

Remember the person you married! Remember the commitment you made to your marriage!

I love my husband so much! And I know how much he loves me! Our relationship feels stronger than ever because we made it through this. I am very proud of myself for sticking through it. I am also proud of my husband for coming back. That had to be so hard to do after everything we had been through. I am proud of us as a couple.

Hopefully this provides some inspiration. I know I eagerly sought out happy posts when my life was falling apart...

Be strong...

[istherehope]

Hi!

I have been wondering about you. I have seen your updates on FB about moving, so knew that things were looking up, but so glad to hear the details.

I've been telling myself that I should write my own post soon too to give some hope, and you've definitely inspired me to do that this weekend.

I'm really, really happy for you. You sound great, and I'm thrilled that you get to start over in a new place. I wish you all the best!

ITH

[JCJ]

(((optimistwife)))
Amazing! I followed your story. I am so pleased to read your update. Well done and loads of good wishes.

Julia

[jon2911]

Wow, what a story! I needed that.

ITH, you definitely need to do make that post. Success stories are always helpful.