...Just watched "Being Julia" with Annette Benning (She got an Oscar for it) and in that movie, she is in an "open M" of sorts so her hands are not "clean"...but still, she does a truly great "exposure" scene and it works in so many ways. Worth seeing if only for the last 15 minutes...(No,watch the whole thing!!)
also I'm glad that Puppy uses the word "exposure" and NOT shame but that's a big point here for me.
A guilty conscience is a good thing. (Well, I mean when it's appropriate). I think it's from God. (You know the good angel on your shoulder...) But "shame" can lead to self loathing and self destruction and passive aggressive crap, sometimes targetting the LBSer, and a bunch of unhealthy behavior aimed at the LBSer or the WAS hurting themsleves...It's not good for the M in the long run so I say that b/c I think the wording matters if the intent behind it reflects what the author means.
Just mo. Food for thought. And Kerry, the 5 gallon of ice water is a great image. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
as I understood one of your posts, you say to expose the A, not to shame the spouse but to stand for the M and hasten the demise of the A...is that not the case? And you corrected me for saying you wanted to "shame" someone...
Sorry I dont' have the time to go re-read the thread now but regardless, I do make a distinction in the wording for a reason.
J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
In my case, exposure worked. But part of it seemed to be my understanding of what level would work on my W. I knew that "over" exposure would equate to shame for her. Our M was at a fragile point and shaming her may have pushed it too far. But it still needed to be exposed, and it was. Just enough to get her to think about what she was doing and that I knew. Limited exposure worked in my case to end the A.
