Looking for reason

[Lostforwords]

I have been on the board for a little over a year and have read a lot and learned more. I guess I have reached a crossroads or at least a point of explosion. A brief recap of my situation...Moved to new state about three ears ago and WAW makes friends with OP a few months into living here. Over the next year plus, I feel my wife moving farther and farther away from me (and closer to the OP). I was jealous, but believed my WAW when she said "nothing is happening". Early last year my wife comes home with a hicky and I am told the truth. For the next year my WAW spend most weekends (all weekend) and 3-4 evenings a week at OPs (a lot of day time too). I couldn't follow some advice here about boundaries to stop this behavior, so I would detach then she would come back and be my friend. Though she would constantly say our relationship was dead (the usual lines and a few pretty good ones...lol). Eventually she was physically and verbally abused by the OP to a point that the WAW had to go to the hospital and ended their relationship. So now the OP is out of the picture, but nothing has really changed. She complained a month ago that she felt I was moving closer to her, but she didn't want that. She has developed a friendship with an enabling friend were they go on day trips together and hit bars to 2-3 in the morning on the weekends (No worry of an affair...more to the story than I feel like going into). We do get along very well as FRIENDS...but it is like we are stuck in friend land and I am getting tired of it. She complains about a lot of different things, but does little to change anything. That includes children and cleaning the house. She basically takes care of herself and that is it. She has complained that I took over everything (mentioned resent), but if something needs to be done...she doesn't do it. So somebody has to do it.

I have done as much GAL'ing as finances allow, but it has been a rough year for me other than the affair. I had some large repair bills, watched my workload double after a huge layoff and then was layed off myself, and now I am starting my own business with all that stress. During this time I have built a strong relationship with my children (hard not to when I was taking care of them pretty much all the time), lost over 80 pounds (back to my old college weight), built new friendships, ended bad friendships, learned how to really cook and clean, and changed from a depressed and stressed out person too a happier me. I no longer hang on her every word or any of the other things that we are all guilty of in the beginning. I would really say that I am a stronger and better man.

So this has really been going on now for almost 2.5 years and I am tired (probably should have put this in thinking of leaving, but there is more traffic on the page). There have been times when I had the impression that things might be changing, but then an immediate retraction. There has never been a mention of divorce...more...we can live together day by day and see what happens. During this time she is out meeting other people, flirting, and doing her thing. While I am at home watching children, cleaning house, and taking care of business. Things aren't horrible, but there must be more and I deserve it. I have just gotten to the point of asking "Are things going to change or am I just wasting my time?". Add to that, I have had multiple women ask me out, but it gets harder every time to say no. The WAW has said I can date other women if "this isn't enough"...but I am hesitant because it would probably be the last nail in the coffin. I am sure it is easy to say something like that until you see your spouse going out with some one else. The oddity lately is she appears to be snooping a little. Checking out what I do on the computer, mentioning that I mainly have women as friends on social sites (very surprised I had a very old GF on one of them), and where I am going (whether work related or just going out doesn't matter).

So I am looking for a reason! A reason to not say "scr@w this...we are just friends and I am moving on for real!".

GIVE ME A REASON!

[BigJohn]

Lost,

I apologize, I only read your first and last posts.

You are clearly a very good man. Your children are lucky to have you as their father. Given the length of time it has been, I would assume that you have done everything you could possibly do at this point to try and rebuild your marriage. Your wife either just doesn't recognize what a great husband she has and/or she has lost respect for you. Sometimes you don't know what you got till it's gone. That may or may not be the case with your wife.

I think you either have to give her a final ultimatum and/or just cut her loose altogether. I know that's a tough thing to hear. I've been married longer than you and I can't wrap my brain around having to do that with my wife if forced to. But you deserve to be happy and appreciated. Life is just too short. Just my 2 cents. Take care.

[dday101798]

I think you either have to give her a final ultimatum and/or just cut her loose altogether. .

Agreed, although I;ve only been D'd for one day and I can't tell you how great it feels to not have that type of lifestyle holding me back. You've watched life pass you by enough, it does not appear that your w has any interest to change that.