Thanks puppy, just wanted to make sure I wasn't misunderstanding. You may very well be right. For the past 4 months I've been trying those tactics, and it hasn't seemed to help much. He'll be moving soon, and perhaps then I should "go dark". Would be very difficult to do right now with him still here. Thanks for your comments.
Me:42 H:47 T:11 yrs M:5 1/2 yrs Death of my step daughter in July 2008 He began relationship with OW in August 2008 H will be moving out in next couple of weeks
wow, you know what Puppy? I really think you may be right. Maybe I had an epiphany today. More lies. Even though he's going to be gone soon and can spend as much time with her as he wants, he chose to lie about this weekend. I just don't know how he can look me in the eye and profess me to be his best friend while he treats me worse than he would an enemy. And this is who I'm wanting to give my support and friendship to?? He's gone for the weekend for shows. I know from another party that she is going to be there. Gee, I wonder who's room she'll stay in? I really need to be done, but just don't know how.
Me:42 H:47 T:11 yrs M:5 1/2 yrs Death of my step daughter in July 2008 He began relationship with OW in August 2008 H will be moving out in next couple of weeks
its so so hard, i feel your pain. i dont understand how they lie, i guess because they know they are doing something wrong and cant or just dont want to help it.
we dont need to tolerate it.
but if we keep tolerating it, it allows them to still do it.
they get away with it.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Update...I've had a wonderful day and I feel so strong! H and I texted a couple of times...as I mentioned, he's out of town for shows. He said how sorry he is and he knows it's all his fault and about his personal demons, how he loves me and always will...yada yada yada. And mentioned he will leave just as soon as possible. Even though I've known he's moving, any mention of it or confirmation of it has sent me into a tizzy. Not today. I actually got online to find out how much security deposit the electric company needs. I believe I have turned a corner.
Only time will tell what our relationship will be. I am very mindful of what the grief over losing a child does to people. I've done a lot of reading. While I can not let him use that as an excuse to justify the lying and cheating, I also know that he is lost and searching for some kind of peace and personal happiness. I am a strong person and I will survive this. I don't know if he will ever recover. That's why I can't say with certainty right now if I will be able to be his friend or not. I know he needs my friendship. I may have to say that as long as OW is in his life I can't be, or I might be there as his friend and drive her nuts, LOL!
Today I mowed the lawn (1 1/4 acres, thank god for riding lawn mowers!), planted some flowers and tomato plants in pots, cleaned off the porch, and now I'm sipping a cold glass of chardonnay. I'm feeling very blessed. I have a large, wonderful family, a few very close friends I can trust, a house I love, and a future I'm actually looking forward to. Here's a toast to staying strong and positive!
Me:42 H:47 T:11 yrs M:5 1/2 yrs Death of my step daughter in July 2008 He began relationship with OW in August 2008 H will be moving out in next couple of weeks
Hi Yoyo! Yes,I'm in Little Rock. Really like it here, but not ready for the summer heat...today was a little taste, huh?
Me:42 H:47 T:11 yrs M:5 1/2 yrs Death of my step daughter in July 2008 He began relationship with OW in August 2008 H will be moving out in next couple of weeks
Wow, this is just so weird. I've been helping h today with getting internet and everything set up for his new apartment. We still manage to laugh and joke. Unbelievable. Somewhere along the way in our years together he began to view me as his buddy, his best friend. Not his wife and romantic partner. He commented today that it is just so cool that I'm helping him. The fact is we are best friends. I can't imagine us not being that. But what I struggle with is if I'm ok with being that, or do I try to make my marriage work? Maybe they're not mutually exclusive, I don't know. Here's my fear...if I cut him off from any relationship with me once he moves, I know he will miss my friendship, but he'll be getting the heady romantic stuff fulfilled. If I continue to be he friend and show the strong character I have and that he loves, will the romantic feelings eventually come back?
Folks, I really need some advice here. I just don't know how to proceed. I want him out, definitely. Because I know that things cannot continue the way they are, and I think we will both benefit from time apart. I'm just not sure how to proceed from there. Please if you have been in this sitch, I need some input!!!
Me:42 H:47 T:11 yrs M:5 1/2 yrs Death of my step daughter in July 2008 He began relationship with OW in August 2008 H will be moving out in next couple of weeks
I think you kinda answered your own question. Unfortunately, he sees you now as his "buddy" and not his lover. So long as that is the role you play, I doubt you can change the sexual/marital dynamic.
Thanks puppy and yoyo...yes, I think you're both right and thank you for responding. It's kind of a high wire act. I don't even know at this point if I want him back as a husband, but I haven't shut the door on it either. This girl (she's 21 years younger than him) has stirred up all that dopamine crap. I'm sure he envisions a carefree life...I don't think he has visions of them getting married or anything...just an escape from real life. I do think my best course of action is exactly what you said yoyo...that's why I think it will be easier once he moves out. I don't hate him, he doesn't hate me. The "in love with you" stuff just went away. It's funny, he went ahead and got an apartment, but so far I'm the only one who has packed anything! I keep bringing boxes home for moving, LOL!
Today I did have a few rough moments. It's not easy and I don't want to pretend like it is. I've just come to a place where I know this has to happen.
Me:42 H:47 T:11 yrs M:5 1/2 yrs Death of my step daughter in July 2008 He began relationship with OW in August 2008 H will be moving out in next couple of weeks
