Divorce looming #14

[K4D]

Looks like 13 locked up. Ok, so I had a bit of a backslide this morning. When the alarm went off and woke me up, I found myself wishing you know who was laying beside me. This definitely takes a bit of time to get used to.

Off to work now.

Kevin

[K4D]

So last night W sat one seat over from at the start of the show. Then some really huge guy sat next to her and she moved over one seat against me or next to me for the remainder of the show. She asked me about our finances and said she is getting low and asked me how much her next check would be. I said we need to talk about it all. I have just been splitting things.

As we were leaving she asked me how my first night alone without the kids went. I said it went fine. She said good.

I got in my car and left at that point. Oh and MIL was at the show also, but chose to sit in the back away from me. SIL was there to and sat with MIL. Not sure why W sat with me unless it was just closer to the front.

Its always harder the next day after spending time with W and now not having the kids for the rest of the week.

I wonder if she will get tired of any of this.

Well, enough of that. I my own life to focus on changing the best I can.

I might go ahead and sign up for a cooking class. That's something to think about.

A storm came through in the middle of the night and woke me. So I am a little tired again. Usually D7 comes into the bedroom when there is a storm. I wonder how she did last night.

Kevin

[K4D]

Next thursday june 4th is the dismissal date. She still hasn't filed the waiver of service or final divorce decree. I don't dare ask either as I don't want to remind her and end up D'd.

Kevin

[K4D]

Another day at work done. I have church tonite. And I am cooking myself a chicken sandwich before I leave.

Kevin

[jaguilar]

Hey Kevin,

Dinner with Lzr? I can try to make it, let me know when.

I think I missed something here, why is she asking you about her finances?

[LR1]

just posted on jags thread. I am coming in tues night late so anytime Wed or Thur will work for me. Just let me know.

[K4D]

Ok. Will do. Looking forward to it.

Kevin

[K4D]

Actually I think Wednesday is the night I have open since it is my week with the kids. My W is supposed to take them to dinner that night. So let me know if that is good for you and Jag.

Kevin

[25yearsmlc]

Kevin,

I'm just posting on the new thread to check in here. Oh the cooking class was just an idea I threw out...but yes, the more I think about it, the more it could help you.
My father passed away so no, you can't take his classes but there are a ton of them.

Back to the backslides--Kevin you KNOW you are going backwards when you COMMENT on where the heck the mil/sil/wife sat and why...you do know this right? I need to know that YOU recognize it's UNhealthy and YOU WILL stop it b/c YOU MUST stop it. That's what the c and meds might help with.

It's a circular thought disorder wherein you keep "looping around" in circles and you really limit your own growth or ability to LIVE and GROW....and your focus was NOT really on your girls at all. One sentence about the show your d was in and I still don't know what SHE did, I just know where the mil/sil/wife sat and how you WONDER what THEY meant by SITTING wherever...

See this is not right or healthy. You were NOT "present" for your d's show. Physically yes, but not mentally OR emotionally. Nothing happy about what your d did, and LOOK at the post. Look at how little you wrote about YOUR D at HER SHOW!!!
Now check the number of lines and comments YOU devoted to "the show and what your d did" (one line, kevin, ONE) and then count how many lines you wrote about the "poop"....who sat where and how it made YOU feel....a bunch of lines! COUNTLESS....so that is STILL putting your neediness ahead of THEM and their needs. Kev, how long is it going to take for you to be their dad first, and a jilted ex h last? When will you put them first? Look, their mom has ended the M, whether it was already broken before or not.

Accept that for now and the next few YEARS. It is so obvious that you must do this. It does not mean that someday you guys MIGHT not rekindle something healthy out of this. But for now it IS over, (and truth be told, for the 123rd time, it was NOT the M you pretend it was. You know this, and yet you persist in the delusional thought process and for the life of me I don't get that. You have to get a grip and you MUST accept that the M you had with your stbxw iS OVER.

well I'm tired so that's it for now. Kevin, come on...we can't do this forever. What is it going to take for YOU to start putting the kids first (even when w is in the same room???? I mean, that sounds like I'm kidding but I only wish I were. Are you going to put them last forever? Seriously? YOU MUST DO BETTER AS A DAD, as I'm sure you want to. And that starts with totalling focussing on them for parts of their day that they can count on you putting THEM FIRST...and ONE mandatory time for that,is [b]their darn shows of any kind...(just a tip, but one I'm confident making)...


I mean, it was d's night to shine, NOT yours to whine...
(even if you only whined here or inside your head, the point is the same' which is where YOUR FOCUS is...so again COME ON KEVIN...what's it going to take?
Good night!
(( j ))

[K4D]

It takes time and effort mentally on my part. My D11 did wonderful. She sang and played her recorder. She looked very confident up there. D7 enjoyed watching her sister as well.

I have to get past thinking about W. But its hard. Especially when something goes wrong and I wish she was there.

Its not that I can't handle it by myself. I can and do. I just wish she was there with me.

But I guess I am thinking about it a lot lately because next week is the date of dismissal and she still hasn't done anything. And I am glad but wondering why not.

Is there hope if she let's it get dismissed? Or will she file it at the last minute? Its just another week of limbo.

Kevin