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Originally Posted By: Lost41
Dday, don't know if he has someone now or not so I guess that is why I don't know whether to wait or not!! I do want my marriage back so bad!! I love him very much!


Ok, then and I'm sure I've said this before, you need to just let him be and live life right now for YOU and YOUR children. Your H is on 'mental leave of absense', that is the way you have to look at it. Nothing you can say or do can change that, only he can.

Detach, forget him and most of all forget his god forsaken step-mother, she has nothing to do with this.

If no one else is involved in a relationship sense then you need to ask yourself once and for all, if I love this man that much, am I willing to endure however long it takes for him to get better? I think you already know the answer to that question as it is. And thus you need prepare yourself for the possiblity he may not get better and come back. Simple fact is you can't do much about it, he's a big boy and reality will take care of him in due time. Take care of yourself and your kids, remind them their father loves them, but he is sick (fill in your own words of tenderness), and live the best you can for now for yourself and them.

Keep yourself as busy as possible with them and for yourself and time will pass quickly. Sitting and dwelling on this all the time will only slowly erode your sanity as well and then your kids will have 2 MIA parents.

Lastly, I still say you should have the step-mother barred from the court room, I had my XW's fiance with no problem.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
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Hi Lost41,

My WAW was diagnosed with depression after she left. If there had not been OM, I would have probably gone back when she wanted to reconcile. But I could not get past OM issue and damage done. My experience is that DBing works but it takes a long time with a WAW. My experience better with the support of her family though, something it sounds like you don't have right now.

My advice is to keep on trying; only YOU can decide when to give up and that will be when you are ready to. Keep DBing, GAL but don't go too dark as a depressed person will probably see that as confirmation that they are unworthy anyway.

In terms of dealing with depression, I found a few useful message boards but I can't find their details anymore. My sugestion is that you should talk to your friends and family as they should be good listeners.


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Me; 38
W; 34
1 4yr old S
Married 4.5 yrs, together 9 yrs
Bomb; 15 June 2007
Holiday together Sept 2008; My Dad dies Nov 2008; reconcliation fails Nov 2008

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Dday and KO, I don't know if he has someone else or not!!! That is what the problem is right now!! That's why I don't know whether to wait and see if he gets better or not!!!! KO, I don't have choice but to go dark, since he has done that!!! I have no phone number or current address. Though I do know he is only 15min. away!!! I sent a note about our daughter's dress that I needed returned and his step-mother put on it RETURN TO SENDER!

So I have no way to let him know we love and miss him!!! I don't have his family support at all!!! They don't even call the children!! They believe all the lies I guess that he told them!!! He lies when depressed because he won't look like the bad guy!!


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Thank you both for being there for me!!!!!


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Thanks Mish!!!


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Your h is just digging himself a big, deep hole of being a crap dad.

My counsellor said to me (when I was complaining about my h's actions and how much they were affecting d7) that I had to step up and be the parent. No amount of complaining would change things, it was up to me to fill both mum and dad shoes at that point in time. We have been separated for 2.5 years and it's still a roller coaster ride. He doesn't want to let go but he seems to be unable to put the work in that I need to see from him to know he is serious and not just wanting me as a 'teddy bear'.


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As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe

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Purple,

I am doing the stepping up as far as being both parents. Did your H stay away from your D in the beginning?

Is H trying to reconcile? Just curious......mine doesn't contact us at all since May 15th.

I wish I could just get over him already but I love him too much.


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Hey Lost, I get that completely. I love(d) WAS way too much just to give up.

In a way I still have not given up yet although when WAS wanted to consider reconciling, there was not enough change for me to rush back. I was and am alot more wary. I tell myself I am over it but I'm not 100% sure of that.

P{ost that, there's been little contact although we share custody of S4. I have moved to be close and given up on career advancement overseas so that I can be here for S4. I dob't regert that at all.

WAS is very worried that people will judge her for being depressed, her PA and for leaving. If your WAS is the same, I suggest making sure he knows you do not judge; you just want to work together to find a way forward whatever that will be....


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Me; 38
W; 34
1 4yr old S
Married 4.5 yrs, together 9 yrs
Bomb; 15 June 2007
Holiday together Sept 2008; My Dad dies Nov 2008; reconcliation fails Nov 2008

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Well, our D12 sent him his Fathers Day card over 3 weeks ago with a letter just saying what she has been up to etc. and that he loves and misses him but he never responded. She even put at the end to please write her back.

So now I really don't know what to believe is going on with him. I'm so confused. No contact in over 2 months at all from him.

Wish I could just get over it all and move on but I still love him and want to work this out.


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kiwi,

I don't know how to even begin anything. As far as letting H know that I won't judge. He changed his phone number or something about 1 month ago I think. Our D tried to call his cell and it was changed, disconnected, or no longer in service.

So I don't even know where to begin as far as Dbusting anymore. I'm getting to the point that I should just give up because he and his depression no longer want us together.

I'm having such a horrible day today. All I want to do is cry! I can't believe no closure, NOTHING from him. Just went into hiding.


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Separated 11/08
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