Struggling with sexual issues

[iwantittowork]

I am posting a question in this forum, as I am having a really difficult time understanding and coming to grips with things my W has said and doing over the coarse of the last few months.

I realize I may never understand it fully, but I continue to have these thoughts creep into my head and they are tough for me to manage.

Since the issues in our relationship have come up, my W has focused on renewed interest in her sexuality and learning about it, however we have not been even close contact in over 5 months. She has been pursuing new books on Tantra and other topics, and I have tried to talk candidly about it without reacting to what she says, but just to understand it.

She says she is open to group relationships now, and relationships with other W as well. I find myself really wondering where she is going in her future, and it stings when I think about, even though these are purely 'what if' scenario's in my own mind.

She's not having a PA that I know of, and believe her, but it's clear she can't wait to finally end our M and start pursuing these newly found interests.

Has anyone faced these kinds of issues? I suspect that the feelings of finding ones S having a PA may be similar, and I am seriously looking for some tools in helping to eliminate the shame and bad feelings that come up when I think about them.

Thanks for any tips, I am struggling mightily with this subject and I know now I need to start getting over them, or I will just make things worse..

[DanceQueen]

iwant....This must be very difficult for you, but if I were you, I would pretend like these things don't exist. You said you sometimes try to talk to her about them and she is telling you things about her future partners. This is really not about you, its about herself. She may or may not ever head down that road, but right now, you should try very hard to just pretend it doesn't exist. Focus on your db-ing and yourself. She is going through her own form of MLC or whatever, and there is not much you can do about that. If you end up D'd, then she will do what she does. But until then, just focus on busting the D and then see what happens next.

It must be hard, hang in there.

DQ

[iwantittowork]

Thanks DQ for the thoughts, That is my struggle, I know I can not change what she thinks and does, and I also try to pretend they don't exist. I am just not that good at it, and the D is heading this way, we meet with the D mediator on Thursday of this week.

There's no PA at this time, I don't know how I could handle that either, and wonder how people can get through that. Again, I suppose that's a 'what if' and I need to stop doing the 'what if's'

Hard is true, this is the hardest thing I think I have faced outside of Death's in the family. In some sense, this is the death of the M, so I am feeling a lot of the same emotions, I think..