You must remember that right before the D was final my W asked for a second chance. She said that the letters were good and that she looked often at the photo collage album I made of us.
Originally Posted By: fb2
In retrospect would you send the same letter again?
Knowing what I know now, I would have plowed onward much quicker with getting the D finalized instead of having an "on hold" period.
As I mentioned on Kalni's thread, women get nothing in a divorce in India - even when their H is the cheater. That probably has a large part to do why the divorce rate is so low, but the lady I know says that has changed a lot recently as India has become more westernized.
My X could write a best selling book in Thailand - "How to Marry an American and Get Rewarded for Cheating".
Well I did it, gave her a letter last night. I knew she would read it and she did. I talked to her this morning. I don't think it will change anything but It hit her hard, I could tell. The pain was clearly visible. She said she never knew I felt like that and that its not making her decision any easier. She also said she wished I hadn't given it to her but I replied with "I thought you should know how I felt because I never communicated that ever before" and we both finished the sentence together.
The letter could have been a mistake that I might regret later on as far as our M but after seeing her this morning with almost tears in her eyes I cant deny that it moved her which in turn helped me. I think questioning her immoral behavior, decisions, and actions might of been the best thing I have done. Thanks to everyone here that helped me stand up and question her has made me feel better about myself. I knew the letter wasn't going to change her mind but it changed me to help me be stronger. Thank you everyone
The letter could have been a mistake that I might regret later on as far as our M but after seeing her this morning with almost tears in her eyes I cant deny that it moved her which in turn helped me. I think questioning her immoral behavior, decisions, and actions might of been the best thing I have done. Thanks to everyone here that helped me stand up and question her has made me feel better about myself. I knew the letter wasn't going to change her mind but it changed me to help me be stronger. Thank you everyone
Would you show us the letter?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
There is nothing wrong with being on record, I voiced mine, and I am one that does not do well with communicating. She took notice, but after saying it a couple of times, I knew there was nothing more to communicate with her, she knew where I stood. I made sure I did not every bring it up again!
Then the DB'ing took over, like hey, if she wants to go now, it is her own damned fault.
The letter could have been a mistake that I might regret later on as far as our M but after seeing her this morning with almost tears in her eyes I cant deny that it moved her which in turn helped me. I think questioning her immoral behavior, decisions, and actions might of been the best thing I have done. Thanks to everyone here that helped me stand up and question her has made me feel better about myself. I knew the letter wasn't going to change her mind but it changed me to help me be stronger. Thank you everyone
Would you show us the letter?
I don't have it all here at work but you will get the gist of it. I felt as though I needed to get it to her asap because her and OM are going away for the weekend. A lot of it I got from others here. When I gave it to her I told her that its a shame that she will never get to see the real me. She said she would just not as a couple and I just shrugged as if to say "your loss!"
Originally Posted By: Mr Mom
W, Going through this all has released such a flood of emotion in me that I am seeing life clearly for the first time in years. You’re right to have questioned our relationship and it is something we should have dealt with long ago. I’d questioned it, too but why is it you were very ready to take a dangerous and reckless and immoral risk with this man, when you are not prepared to take a risk for me and our marriage?
You know where I stand, and that is for marriage and family. I want the loving wife I promised to spend the rest of my life with back. I want our kids to grow up under the guidance and example of two loving parents. It hurts me to know that maybe there was something wrong with me that caused you to go outside the sanctity of our marriage and seek the attention of another man. Maybe it was not me, but you; however I still wonder if there was anything I could have done different to not have had this happen.
I know we weren’t “wrong” about each other; the mistake we made was losing our way. I’ve learned enough in these couple months to see that I finally know how to cherish you as I always should have. The other day you asked "Why are you being so nice?" and I couldn’t answer you at the time but afterwards I read that "pure love is a willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return." This is how I felt.
It took a crisis to make me realize the obvious. As their role model, I don’t want D5 and D3 to repeat the same love mistakes I’ve made. Ironically, I especially worry about D5 for reasons that I see now and I hope her shyness and ”leave me alone" attitude doesn’t evolve the way mine did. I want to be a better example for them and to be the generation where “dysfunctional” love dies. I will do everything in my power to make sure our girls don't settle for a guy like the “old” me or a guy like the OM that I believe if he were a true man he'd want to be sure you were making the right choice and surely he'd want to have some integrity and tell you to work on your marriage and not come back. Says a lot about what kind of man he is! Do you want that kind of man for the girls or yourself?
There’s still time for them to see and get the best of us together; not the worst. I can’t take away the questions and doubts that flood you, but I can try. I can't erase the pain nor would it be fair of me to beg you to “trust me”. I can't beg and plead for you to come back. That makes me appear weak and needy. I don't need you to live my life happily; however, I want you as my loving wife because I know we are so good together. There are no magic words I can say that will bring you back to me. You have to want me and our family life. Only you can truly make yourself happy.
There is nothing wrong with being on record, I voiced mine, and I am one that does not do well with communicating. She took notice, but after saying it a couple of times, I knew there was nothing more to communicate with her, she knew where I stood. I made sure I did not every bring it up again!
Then the DB'ing took over, like hey, if she wants to go now, it is her own damned fault.
Great job on your goals.
Burt
Thanks Burt, I feel the same, balls in her court now and I have made myself clear in a loving, straight forward way and if she continues to carry on the path that she is on then it is her loss!
