Wow...alot has been going on... I actually went on that date I was talking about..it sorta just happened. The movies. It was nice, and definately boosted my confidence. I thought long and hard about it and decided that it was ok in my situation...that it was a necessary step in bringing back my sense of self worth. The funny thing is that it worked, and I am now DBing without trying. I have been GAL and loving it. Having so much fun and embracing my status...and guess who is coming around??????? H is definately noticing and coming over ALL the time, will not leave (sometimes I want him to and he lingers forever!!!). I am no longer working around his schedule with the kids...he is working around mine. He would take them before and I would bend over backwards to accomidate his sched (just like always in the M) and now I tell him if I have plans that can't be changed. I have not given in on ML...and it has been easier than I thought. And yes, he tries everytime I see him. H got a second job...and has admitted to screwing things up financially, although still wont get into specifics about where our $$ has gone. We have had some open conversations about the R...in a light hearted, friendly way...just referrences to what has happened. For example...yesterday H came to fix my leaky faucet...and he asked about this work project that I was about to start right before the bomb. He asked whatever happened to that and I told him HE happened to it! I told him that I couldn't get on with it at that time and now the opportunity has passed, for now. He apologized and hugged me. It was very sincere...which he has had a problem with in the past. (apologizing sincerely!) All in all, I think the date was a good move. I will not jump into a R right away, and have no desire to. I do think that there is a certain power in taking the moving forward standpoint...and seeing what other interesting people are out there. Afterall, when someone tell you that they do not want to be married to you anymore, you take alot of steps backward in self esteem. When you can remember that there is someone out there that WANTS to be around you and recognizes your worth...you are more prepared to show your S that that is true. That you ARE the person you were before the R and that you are new and evolving also. I don't know if I will go out again with "b" or anyone. And I think that if H came back today (which he clearly isn't anyway) I would have some serious "mojo" in tellin ghim that we should wait and see if we can work on the R first. I am now more scared of him coming back and things going back to the same. I deserve more from him and I am no longer scared of trying and failing...but we have a long way to go and I now realize he has further than I do...it's on him.
You sound really good and much stronger, babymama. The date is a nice thing. Just GAL with someone else along. No expectations.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Just when you think you are strong..... Big backslide yesterday. H has been coming over alot...hanging around. Napping here and talking to me all the time. Calling even just to say hi. Then yesterday he came to pick up the kids...tried to ML AGAIN and this time I was pissed. I said to him that I wouldn't have sex with him and I needed more from him than just sex. This immediately made him stop trying...which is good, but later he told the girls to get their stuff and bring nice things cause they might drive up to our hometown to go to a party for our mutual friends. This upset me really badly becasue I was invited and turned down the invite since it wasn't my weekend and didn't wanna go without the girls. He could tell I was upset...and the waterworks started. He started in on me moving and basically reminded me that he was giving me more $$ now than what I am entitled to. It felt like a threat. Although he said he was trying to be fair and make us both as comfortable as possible. I really thought things were turning around...I told him that I still didn't understand why we were separated in the first place...and he said he didn't wanna hash that out again. He said he didn't mean to upset me and he was sorry. Then he called later that night just to check on me and see if I was ok. WHATEVER!!! I didn't exactly bring up R talk, but it just happened...it flowed out along with my pitiful tears. Seriously, what is his DEAL!!?? Does he just want to be the biggest cake eater ever? I am so glad I have been able to turn him down. That is easier and easier. But really, it seems as though he has no intention to come back...even though we are getting along better than ever...he is hanging around us all the time...and even telling me he is sorry for leaving. I am so confused. I just want to tell him that I HATE HIM!!!!! But I wont. the rollercoaster continues...
Sounds familiar. I am so sorry. It does make NO sense. But, everything is temporary. I don't know that you backslid per se. This is so hard. You turned him down...you set a boundary. Try to feel good about that and pick yourself back up.
It is hard - just when you think you are making progress, they can back pedal fast. We just can't even begin to try to figure out what is going on in their heads.
It sounds like overall you are doing better - just keep taking care of yourself and your kids.
