Need advice ASAP today, if anyone is around..

[iwantittowork]

I have an issue I need some advice on how to handle.

First, if you have not read my story, the W is asking for D, and setup meeting with Mediator on May 21st. I have been with her for long enough to know, when she finally makes a decision, nothing will change her mind, so I am likely going to have to go through it. In the meantime, I am DB like made, using the LRT.

Issue:
Saturday, my D school is having Charity auction, and today the W asked me if I was going with her. My W is also an employee of the school, so will be around all her work friends, and I feel like I may be the 17th wheel during the whole thing..

My immediate answer was I will think about it, and get back to her.

Now, I want to support my D, and her school, but I don't want to be at the auction as a back story, and not sure how I feel currently. I am leaning towards saying no, I am not coming, but I want to get other people's thoughts, as I am so new to this sitch and DB'ing.

Should I go, or stick to my guns and say No, not at this time? I am conflicted by this decision, as I am sure you can tell..

[PortlandDad]

If you would be there for your D, then I would say go for it. This is also an opportunity to show how good you are doing with the whole sitch. Remember to act happy, carefreee, "as if" everything was just fine in your world.

You are there for your D, not your W.

[iwantittowork]

Thanks for the quick reply, I should have mentioned that my D won't be there, it's or adults only, so just my W and I.

However, just supporting the school for my D may be enough to get me there, and I would be acting happy and carefree, that's what I have been doing for the past week or so..

[PortlandDad]

Even w/o the D there, it sounds like a good DB opportunity.

[iwantittowork]

Thanks, your probably right, should go and try and DB.

Which brings up something else, the last few school functions I have been too, I noticed one of the childrens fathers has been paying a lot of attention to my W. He often will make sure he steps between us to talk to her.

Last time we had an event, my W spent the event holding hands with his Child, Which I didn't think much of, as she teaches in that class, and that child has become attached to my W, but he also stood between me and my W during most of the proceeding. I tried not to read anything into it, but maybe the are becoming EA?

If this happens during this auction, I know I have to act as if nothing is up, control my anxiety, etc, any tips on how to manage this so I don't seem to be bothered by it? This is tough stuff for me, I have a hard time letting stuff like that go, and/or turning my mind from it, so that I focus on myself, and what is going to make me happy..

[volleydog]

Maybe try and talk to and be around people other than your W for the most part. DON'T just hang around her, I fear, because I've been there you'll end up just quiet and sort of depressed looking. Walk around looking at the auction items talking to people about them, that's an easy conv. starter.

[iwantittowork]

Oh boy, yeah that's the plan, I certainly don't want to mope around behind the W.

I have a hard time just opening up conversations, but that's something about me I want to change, I want to be an more open, less anxious about meeting and talking with new people, etc.

That is a big step in my GAL plan, I have been trying to talk to strangers on occasion to start working on this, so I will def be doing that during the auction.

[Phoenixdeux]

I'd make other plans. Yes, you could show her what a social butterfly you now are, or you could just let her use her imagination as to what you may be doing that's more important. If you are still at the "ASAP" stage of DBing (in time you'll realize that nothing happens very quickly...so you can afford to relax a bit and let some things play out), you might be better served by having other plans and doing them. Don't make it seem like you stayed away because you didn't want to go...just that you couldn't because of your other plans.

[iwantittowork]

Thanks for the response, I have been reading a lot of good advice here and other threads.

There's no clear cut answer to any of this stuff, I know, and I need to continue to focus on GAL, Act as if, etc.

I'll likely go this Saturday night, but that is my decision, and not caving in to what my W wants. I have other plans for Sunday, and will keep those with my D.