Kind of tired tonight It has been a long week. Tonight son wants to camp out in the camper on the driveway. Don't think I will be able to stay up late with him.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Well it has taken me two years and several set backs to finely get to where I am. As the DB theory states about GALing well I thought I had done that. I was doing my own thing but it seems it was for the wrong reasons. I was GALing to see if she would notice. NOT to better myself. I would do things on my own but then when I got back home I would wimp out and go back to "kissing her butt" ( not literally I wish though) One of the things I remember she said when the bomb was dropped two years ago was I told her I worshiped her, I trusted her. Her response was that "I shouldn't have put her on a pedestal". I think I finally have gotten tired of trying to please her. In fact I have gone a little to the opposite side of the spectrum. I no longer do things for her unless she asks. Now I am not saying that I am rude or mean to her. It's just I let her struggle with things and not let her assume that I am always going to help. David C. asked a great question. Why is it that spouses that has affairs always have them with "bad boys" . They have husbands that are nice to them always doing things for them and yet they go after men (or women) that are of a lower standard than their spouses. His theory is that wives (spouses) sometimes get bored. They get used to there husbands (spouses) always being there and they have no worries about losing them. So I have kind of become a little self centered. I mean it may seem small to most of you but I have done things now like eating the last piece of pie when in the past I would have saved it for her. I don't run out and help her unload the car when she gets back from grocery shopping. I don't ask if it's alright with her when I do things now I just tell her I am doing them. I no longer take things personal and get depressed when she does not include me.. (This one has really been a 180, I really don't care anymore when she does not include me and now she goes out of her way to include me. I no longer empty the dish washer. I kind of feel that the tables have turned and now she does things for me instead of me doing them for her.
My Job loss..
Well WDID said it best..."sometimes when we get pushed out of our comfort zone. Fantastic things happen ..I think that 1. Wife no longer resents me that she lost her job and I still had mine. (We both worked for the same company) 2. After that first day and I got over the shock my attitude has been great. Wife even said that I am taking it allot better than she did. 3. Even though I have to be there for two more months I have been looking around and have found 3 openings on the outside that would fit perfect for my qualifications so I know there is work out there.. 4. This will be the first summer in 28 years that I can spend with my family.
Side note.. Self esteem boost..
Last night I went to the bowling alley with son to play pool. I was having a great time when this Red headed woman caught my eye.. I went back to playing pool and when I looked at her again she was checking me out.. She was there with her GF. She said something to her GF who inturn looked my way. When we were through and I went to pay for the game and she got inline behind me. (Probably checking out my butt). She was telling her friend that she wanted to go to the bar and check out the music. She said this rather loud. I think it was for my benefit ..After I played I turned to leave and we had close direct eye contact. I swear her eyes were smiling at me... She smiled at me and I smiled back and left with my son. I guess the Doc still has it.... Now I know what you mean Sara about your shoe guy... Well it's raining so I am going to go make some cookies..
Talk to ya all later Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
YOU are so Right!! Only, I married a bad boy... Maybe that's why im still here???
I do believe woman do need a challenge, to have their days shaken up a bit, mine was shaken up on that faithful day in July of 2006 but it was for the wrong reasons.
Maybe that's my problem, Im too nice, but I don't think so. I challenge his rudness, his selfishness, always have, just now its more often I call him on it.
But Im still here supporting him when he needs me, because that's me, I know im loyal to a fault in which it brings me to where I am.
Love the red head deal WooHoo!! But I wasn't worried about you!! And there are TONS of woman out there that don't need a "bad boy" Trust me, so don't lose hope.
bye you bad thing...lol.. OH what kind of cookies are you making???
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I think you're dead right, Doc. My H is *too* nice, only he then puts himself up on a cross and gets all pouty if you don't fall all over yourself thanking him. It's really annoying, and I can't tell you how many times I wanted to yell at him, "Stop thinking about everybody else but yourself and then getting pissed when people take you up on your offer!"
He's better now, but he's definitely a pleaser type. I refuse to buy into it anymore...but we have talked about this openly and how it impacts our R. I do make a point of thanking him when he does nice things (like this morning, going to get coffee and pastries for breakfast for us while I was still sleeping as we had no provisions in the house).
I think a balance is good...if you really want that piece of pie, eat it. Or share it if she really cares, or leave it if you don't. Women want strong men...not selfish, but not falling all over the place kissing our butts. I need someone who can hold his own instead of giving in to everything I want/think I want. No victims, you know?
So, do what works. It sounds like detachment to me...
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I did not mean to sound "mean" or uncaring. It's just that I think I went overboard. A thank-you once in a while means so much more that if you hear it all the time. An example is that I used to have this friend. She was always doing things to hurt me or piss me off. After she would say she was sorry. But after a while it was like she thought just by saying she was sorry made it ok to do the things she did. The "I'm sorrys" begain to mean nothing..I guess it's the same with thank you's some times..
later Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Wrap your head around that idea - it is incredibly powerful!
Ya Rob I know, I have been around on this board for a long time. You do need detachment but for the right reasons. I think I have finely learned to take care of myself. David is right about the pursuing. I think I was even pursuing by doing things for her. For those of you that I wrote about the Hair spray.... YES it is an affair that is only in my head. Another lesson learned. NOBODY can make you sad, Happy, jealous or angry without YOUR permission. When I found that It WAS SOMETHING probably LONG FORGOT by my Wife. But I LET IT GET TO ME.. Thanks for letting me vent to you and getting it out of my system before I did something stupid.
Enough heavy thinking today.. Oh ya luna... I made chocolate chip cookies btw
well got to go lite the fireplace it's raining outside..
37 more days of being employed taking the weekends and my week long father son trip out....
Bye Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Wife just got back with our son and they stopped at "Cold Stone" Ice cream shop. Now I don't know if they have Cold stone Ice cream where you guys come from but here in calif. It's the best home made Ice cream ever made.. Well Wife brought me home one also.....
Funny when you stop pursuing and act as if...(instead if pouting when she stopped in the past and did not get me anything) Things happen...
It's good to be king...
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Well SD you are so right. My wife is going out of her way now to connect. (Not intimately). The more I "detach" the more she pursues. They are small things but still big improvements from a year ago. An example is yesterday I went out and bought a new pair of shoes. Now in the past when I got home I would have shown them to her ( I guess seeking her aproval or being a wuss looking for attention) and she would have looked at them and said "they look nice" and go back to what ever she was doing. Yesterday When I got home I put the shoes in my room and went about my business as usual. At bed time I went to my room and wife came down the hall wanting to look at the shoes I bought. Now this is the woman who two years ago did not want to be bothered taking me in for an operation and now she is interested in my shoes?
I am waiting to my son to go to camp in one more week. Then I will again test the waters again. Sometimes I feel like my marriage has been like making cookies. Even though I have the timer set I keep opening the door to see if the cookies are ready. Even though the timer has not gone off I am eager for them to be ready. Yet when I do open the door I see they need to bake just a little longer. I have opened the door so many times for my marriage in the past and found my wife was not ready yet.. Maybe this time?
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
WooHoo!! But I wasn't worried about you!! And there are TONS of woman out there that don't need a "bad boy" Trust me, so don't lose hope.
