But you still seem to want it to work. Whatever your reasons are.
I agree with FG (as usual).
What a fighter you are
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I wouldnt fight for something I didnt want/love. If I love someone, I would fight. If I didnt, I would walk away. Still, perhaps thats too simplistic? Its a no-brainer, if you dont love someone anymore, theres nothing to fight for. In fact, when you dont love someone anymore you dont want to fight, or even be near them, its a relief to be free of them, away from them. Love is all there is, without that, you are just friends (not even that sometimes). Again, maybe thats just me? Wierd thing is, you often say you dont love H?
Ali, yes I think that is too simplistic. It is how a single person reacts,when you are a mother your wants/needs are not your top priority. You put the needs of your children first. I do believe that a happy mother has happy children who can cope with less than a perfect family set up,but ideally that is usually best served by both a mum and dad living together. I think Maria just needs to have satisfied herself that she has left no stone unturned. I am sure she will always love her husband as the father of her children but maybe she just isn't inlove with him anymore or right now.
Quote:
Love is all there is,
oh if only this were true. Surely you love your friends on some level.
Anyway Maria I hope some aspects of your Easter turned out to be enjoyable. I have spent several Easters in Greece and watched plays and entertainments in little squares and processions, not understanding a word but just delighting in the atmosphere and spirituality. Although one Good Friday event made me a little uneasy, kind of scared I guess. Take care, thinking of you.
When I said the bit you pulled out in a quote box, I didnt mean friendship kind of love Naej, obviously, I meant the kind of love between lovers. When you no longer love someone, you know, when you're done, you're done. But yes, thats why its too simplistic, as K knows I have said to her before, its different for me being childless.
Yes I understood that Ali, I am just not sure the "when you no longer love some one you know" bit. Maybe thats just me, if it is true then that would explain why some men or womwn can just up and go,end of. Does it explain the people like you x though, he has gone but you are sure he still loves you so thats my difficulty. Also when you are with someone for many years,that person is tied up in a life you love,routines, securities a whole host of things so at some point I think the lines blur and thats why maybe some people find it harder than others to just let go of the one who walks. Love becomes an obsession, a compulsion,losing not an option,lots of things even when the love or being inlove feeings have gone. I get getting myself into deep here. I just wish I could see things with your black and white confidence and yet you too suffer the whatifs and maybe's so perhaps we are not so differnt after all.
Yes I was sure he still loved me, as he told a friend this week that he did. But when you're done you're done, alot of the WAS here (not all) dont behave as though they are, they give mixed messages or 'waffle' back and forth and some, like my ex, leave but keep the option open, even if they dont exercise it! When I left my last ex, I was done. I wouldnt have crossed the road to pee on him if he were on fire. It was over.
I def dont have black and white confidence! But I am the eternal optimist and always think that there is a way, anything is possible, you just need to do what you can to help the universe help you. If you dont succeed, try try try again, as long as you still feel passion for the cause. Hope you are ok M..?
Hi guys, thanks for the wishes. Well, I am totally confused and of course it shows here and in my RL too. Forrest, I keep "working on it" as you say because sadly I am holding on to the memories, the possibility of him changing the way he loves me. I am not hoping he will change. I am hoping he will realise that what he does is not enough.
We had a quiet Easter. I cant remember any other time spending Easter with my family like this. Just the 4 of us. It was my choice and I am glad I did that cause my kids enjoyed it alot spending time with their parents. My son is extra excited because he can now ride a bike. He wanted his father to teach him and his father had never the time to do so. So he was riding the bike but refused to let my dad take the extra help wheels off, "his dad had to do it". Finally his dad did it yesterday and of course my son is riding like the wind (he is 7,5 had been ready for quite some time for this).
Me and H didnt fight or anything. We did have some differences about the kids on a few things which is weird because we never did, but no big problem was created.
Last night I asked him why wont he hug me and he did. As if he had fogotten to until I asked. Saturday night he gave me my candle. I totally didnt expect that. It was a nice surprise.
I do love him Ali. I love him, he is my family. I need to either accept he cant give me much more than he does, accept that I will have to live in a sexless marriage, deprived of affection and ask him to move back home or accept that I will always feel close to him, but will move on to find somebody that can love me the way I need to be loved. It's so hard to put my needs first and not my kids' needs.
This weekend for the first time, I thought of asking him to agree to a "white marriage". Stay together for the kids, for a few years but live separate, secret private lives. I dont know what he would say about that. I decided not to, especially because I didnt want to have such a discussion during these days.
I am getting good at not reacting on impulse and I am taking things as they come for now. Another month cant hurt me. K
Hey K, I like that you spent the whole weekend with just him, that was a good idea. How did it feel for you then? (neverlone the kids).. you must have wanted him to hug you if you asked him to, so how did it feel having him there in the house? Does it give you any insight into asking him to come home to work on things, could you do it?
Ahh, well at least you do love him (sometimes you werent so sure on IM, lol!) Well done for asking him for the hug...do you think the sex thing is to do with a sense of failure and inadequacy (on his part)?? did you ask him about his MP3 music?
I'm not sure about the white M idea, sounds neat in theory, but would probably create a load of pain!!??
I am glad you are ok, I was getting worried about you... xxx
