You could be speaking in a soft voice while setting butterflies free on a warm spring day and a MLCer is still going to take offense to it.
In a not so nice nutshell, you need to mind your business and leave your ex alone for the entirety of your foreseeable future. I know things happened fast for you and it is hard to comprehend but he's not your business anymore. Your opinions are irrelevant and so is the fact his actions have offended and hurt you. By throwing that in his face, you are virtually ensuring that he will never regret leaving.
Renee, I understand your hurt and I believe you anger is righteous but you need to pray for the grace to keep your mouth shut.
I know I have said things in the past that reinforces his behavior and reason for leaving. I also know that statement I made may have also ensured him, but in all honestly is it too late to try and correct what has happened and what I have said. I mean regardless, is he ever going to think differently of me? I guess what I am trying to say is....is it too late to keep my mouth shut for any future we possibly could have? OR have I instilled too much in his already messed up mind?
I'm REALLY not trying to be mean but could you just shut your mouth for the sake of it instead of with an ulterior motive? You need to do this if for no other reason than you talk too much. I am also very wordy and constantly have to rein myself in so I'm not attacking you. I'm calling you on something that I recognize. Heed my sincere warning and put a cork in it. Unless you shush so the man can make his way down the road to hearing his own thoughts, nothing will ever change, least of all his opinion of you.
Additionally, and as a rule, actions speak louder so please MYOB and get a life. Also, if you're constantly jabbering and trying to figure out, analyze and strategize, you wouldn't even hear the voice of God if it boomed from Heaven and told you to build an ark, much less a quiet whisper from the Holy Spirit. So there are many good reasons to be quiet and be still. And finally, there's a funny thing on facebook bumper stickers - it says "Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver". So keep a roll of duct tape on hand for emergencies
AmyC you dont offend me anymore. You use to.lol But I know you are trying your best to get my attention. I do talk too much, you are right. I know I need to keep my mouth shut, period.... but was just wondering if in turn it was too late to help with my situation with xh. Amyc I had ONE setback since going dark, well 2 calls so maybe two. I am doing better and still know that I can do even better than this. I realize I have a ways to go and I am honestly trying. Sometimes I just get the urge to find answers. You know I look back to when all this started and I remember thinking there was no way I could go more than 3 days without talking to my xh. 3 days was a lifetime. Now I am up to a month and going! I WILL BE OK.
You know I look back to when all this started and I remember thinking there was no way I could go more than 3 days without talking to my xh. 3 days was a lifetime. Now I am up to a month and going! I WILL BE OK.
Renee-
This will be your new mantra. As you live it, it will become more and more natural for you. It's called detachment. And remember and believe the last sentence. YOU WILL BE OK.
Might seem a far-stretch now, but you will find with each and everyday you will learn how much you've grown and spread your wings. How you've learned to depend more on yourself and less on your xh to get through each day, month, year. You will gain enermous strength from your faith/belief in a higher power...and less on yourself and what you've mistakenly (so far) believed YOU could do to turn the situation around.
Is it too late to improve your situation with xh? I don't believe too much in the word 'never'. Never is a loooooong time. But for right now, worry about your own life, your own wants and needs, your goals and dreams. Because your marriage with your xh is no more. You're divorced. If you ever reconciled, it would be a new relationship, and hopefully a better one than before.
As others have told you, all you can do and should be doing, is praying for your H. Without him knowing it, you'll be giving him the greatest gift that anyone could give him... And you will also be doing yourself a favor by letting go, and letting God handle/deal with the situation at hand.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Thank you Creed for your kind words. Yes I believe I AM detaching more every day. You know people can tell you to detach a million times over but it is something, for some reason, that has to be learned by yourself. It would, however, be so much easier if we could just listen to what people here are trying to tell us and put that advice into action alot sooner. I am just now "getting" what people have tried to tell me when I first found this site weeks ago. Why i have to be so hard headed is beyond me. I think the problem is we refuse, or at least I do, to believe that WE cant fix things on our own. LET GO is very key and VERY hard to do when that person has been your very breath you breathe every day for the last 20 years. I was forced to almost give up my "addiction" (and that is what it was) to my h almost cold turkey. He gave me no warning and divorced me almost immediately. It scared me to death. I felt like the breath had been taken from me. Shortly after I found this site, so in all honesty I didnt get the chance to DB like most here have, I was cheated. I do believe my xh has made the worst mistake of his life. Whether he ever realizes this is unknown. I loved him with everything in me. He now lives, and is marrying after only 3 months, a young woman who controls his every move from what I have been told. (He did not leave me for this girl, he was talking to someone else and that didnt work out so he settled for this one.) (He actually said "if you spend enough time with someone they grow on you") I dont know how long this will last, because this is NOT the man that lived with me. He would NEVER have been controlled by anyone, in fact, he said, when he left, he was tired of answering to people. Whatever happens I will Survive. I will be OK.
Thank you for you kind post on my thread. I feel as though some are looking down on me b/c I told off h yesterday morning. I am only human, and far from perfect. I don't know, I can only take so much crap before I feel the need to fight back. Does it do any good? Probably not. But I feel that they need to know at some point that I have taken all I'm going to take. Right or wrong, that's how it is. I will feel so much better after we go to court Monday and have orders in place. Uggggg. I'm a mature, smart, intellegent woman and a good person and good mom. My life should not be like this. I made a really stupid choice when I was young about who to marry.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
I am so sick and tired of this young inmature woman running all over town bragging about getting married to my xh!!!!!!!! I am so sick and tired of her acting like she has won a GREAT prize, when she has gotten a really really messed up man that left his family to fend for theirselves. I live in a small town and she is doing it up right. I want to run through their house!!!!! I want to pin her in a corner and slap her silly while telling her everything bad thing that that piece of work has done to us. I want her to know what a lier he is. How inmature can you be to write your name all over the place with hearts!!!!!!!! I am so angry but they will never know it. Every picture she takes, she puts up that hand, its sickening. Yes I LOOKED at her myspace....I had a weak moment. I hadnt looked in awhile and look what it got me. Anyone else want to look....Go search for "the future mrs lewis" 26 years old 25 miles from london kentucky
Yes Kimmie I know my xh started this, but she doesnt have to be so inmature about it. I mean come on, how many times do you have to show that ring. She knows it gets to me and I am STUPID for looking!
lol Kerry. Sunshine, don't look. Just don't do it. I looked in my situation, but I won't do it anymore. I had to get some evidence for my L in order to get the order to keep the girl away from my kids. I won't be making it a habit. Being immature lets her get pleasure from your pain. You know mine is the same way. Don't let her see your pain. Do not engage in it. Boy do I know it is easier said than done!!!!
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
I feel as though some are looking down on me b/c I told off h yesterday morning. I am only human, and far from perfect. I don't know, I can only take so much crap before I feel the need to fight back. Does it do any good? Probably not. But I feel that they need to know at some point that I have taken all I'm going to take. Right or wrong, that's how it is. I will feel so much better after we go to court Monday and have orders in place. Uggggg. I'm a mature, smart, intellegent woman and a good person and good mom. My life should not be like this. I made a really stupid choice when I was young about who to marry.