How many of you husbands out there were having sexless relationships with your wives for significant periods of time before the eventual separation from your wife/before your wife started having an affair with another man?
How many of you noticed that your wives had lost pretty much all sexual desire, wives told you in fact that they were no longer interested in sex, and spent a great deal of energy avoiding any physical contact with you for fear that it might lead to sex with you? How many of you ever suspected that your wives were having physical affairs with other men during this period of time or did you believe that your wives were incapable of cheating because they were "good women and just weren't like that".
If you do respond back, please also indicate how old you are, how old your wife was when this started, how long you were married and what the general state of the relationship was during this period of time? What's the state of the marriage/relationship now? How are you during this period of time: still heart broken/devastated or doing alright/GAL & detaching?
I'd call this an informal survey, I've totally immersed myself in so many studies on separations/break-ups/divorces,etc that the info I'm starting to discover on this topic is really opening my eyes to the real causes behind these situations.
I'll bite, but in my sitch, I didn't have what you've described.
W and I, both 46 (when the A started). Married 22 years when it started.
I thought the marriage was fine and W even now admits that she was happy before the A started, but now says "I just didn't realize how unhappy I was". Um...maybe because you weren't?
It's not that I didn't think she was capable, but that with the state of our marriage, I just didn't think she had a reason.
Prior to the A, sex on average 2-3 times a week.
After A started (and this is where it gets weird), sex actually increased to 3-4 times per week on average, right up til the bomb. I remember a number of times where we had sex every night for a couple weeks, even the nights that I now know she had been with OM earlier in the evening (yuck).
After D-Day (2 weeks after the bomb) = devastated, heart broken, in general a mess.
Couple months later while the A was still on, started to GAL, exposed to OMW. 4 months later after I'd been told the A was over but I found out W was still trying to arrange hook ups with OM (even though he never visited), I exposed to our son's as I was going to file for divorce.
One year from my telling the kids we're still together and seem to be making progress. Still have a lot of unresolved issues and a W reluctant to work through the mess other than to say "I'm trying". We're getting along better and better and are intimate on an infrequent basis (but hey, it's better than never!). Sleep in the same bed. Do almost everything together. She's opening up to me little by little and without overtly being transparent, she lets me know when she's going to be late or where she's going or who she's with.
I will add I think our sitch happened by all the holes in the cheese lining up. Stress from a relocation for work (which W admits was very stressful for her), W's new job after our relocation she hates (and OM was a co-worker who was there to prop her up), us drifting apart as I was traveling for work alot. When I was home I wanted to spend all my time with her which made her feel smothered. Advancing career for me which led me to take her for granted and not value her the way she deserves to be valued because I thought I was king chit.
And along comes a serial cheatin POS and here we are.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
