Hey BFM...nice to hear an update on you and your family. Glad things are going well for you.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
BFM....What if we are already Divorced? My xh of 20 years was scared to leave at first, but decided real quick he wanted to take a chance and made the move to single life again. It all happened from beg. to end in around 2 1/2 months! I am still spinning and sometimes can NOT get it into my head that we ARE divorced. Many people are trying to help me here. Because of the way I handled things the first couple months, he is even ANGRIER than normal, and says he doesnt know if he can EVER trust me again. He is living with ow-26 and says he is happy for now until something better comes along (I think he said "comes along", cant remember for sure, but it was something like that). He now says, he would like some communication, every 2 weeks or so, with me. I dont know if its because he doesnt want to completely let me go, or because he knows what a hard time financially I am having and feels quilty. I am leaning toward both, because he has opinions about every male I talk to. (and thats all I do is talk, xh doesnt know that though. Xh has things like "she doesnt need him, he is blah blah blah". I want to stand. I am a Christian and I dont believe in Divorce. I want to reconcile but I dont want the man he is now. I dont have to have the man he was, because we needed change obviously. I want a NEW change at my marriage. I am half to blame and just realized that recently. I was blaming him for his MLC, period. I help push him out the door, and i am going to help to try and bring him back. I pray that GOD will give us another chance to get it right. I pray that my xh will give into the will of GOD. I pray for his soul. I love him very much, he is MY husband that GOD gave ME. He has been dating younger women in their 20's and he his 41. He dated ONE that was 30 and that was it that I know of. He works out like crazy and has lost alot of weight. He lays in the tanning bed. He started paying more attention to how he looked and working out about one year ago. We were still married, happily I THOUGHT. What advice do you have for me. Also, I am soooo Happy for you and your Family. How long were you and your husband seperated? How long did he live with ow? How old was ow? I dont know if my xh is in MLC or not, either way he was and possibly is UNHAPPY.
Thanks Butterfly...that was a great "ramble!!!" H and I have been sep for 18 mos, and there was OW, but not anymore. You are absolutely dead on right, I did "as if" at first, but then did realize that I had my own issues that I needed to correct. But what you posted made tons of sense, and so I will continue to do exactly that, be there, be nice, and yet have my own life. Thank you so much...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Just saw this thread - BFM what you said really resonated with me. Yes my h is in MLC but I did push him away (I had my own issues I was dealing with and needed to sort through everything on my own). How can you show you have changed if h refuses to talk to you, see you or anything else? The only communication I have is via e-mail or text and purely for financial reasons. I mean it's great to go through all this self improvement but if h isn't around to see it or refuses to communicate then what? I started LRT on 23 March. No improvement, no baby steps - nothing. It is so depressing. I don't even know if I so much as cross his mind.
Jerri Me 50 WAH 47 M 23 years D 22 S 21 S 30 (previous marriage) B 02/09 marriage is over S 02/09 NC
You are not doing it for him, you are doing it for you. You cannot make him communicate, so try not to stress too much about that. This process takes lots of time and lots of patience. Pray for guidance.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
but the scene that really resonated with me in the movie is where Caleb (the husband) is talking with his dad and he says to his dad that his wife does not “deserve” to be treated with kindness because she is not acting the same way toward him and his dad tells him that we don’t “deserve” eternal life through Jesus either, and that God calls us to love each other the way he loved us.
BFM, I so agree with you on this. And Emerson says in "Love & Respect" that marriage is a test and a tool to deepen our love and reverenece for Christ.
Amen too to what you said about being kind to our spouse just because... not for the sole goal of winning him back so we can show him/her how wrong they were/are. Thanks for the reminder that Hoolywood isn't like real life so the timing can be way longer than the time it took for Caleb's wife to come back to the marriage.
