Here is what i don't understand. how can someone say that they love you, they you are the best thing that has even happened to you and that they'd do anything to keep you in their lives.... then turn around within the same day and say what an idiot you are...
every time it seems as though maybe he really does love me, he just proves himself a liar. it kills me.
hope everyone is doing well!!
Take Care ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Here is what i don't understand. how can someone say that they love you, they you are the best thing that has even happened to you and that they'd do anything to keep you in their lives.... then turn around within the same day and say what an idiot you are...
every time it seems as though maybe he really does love me, he just proves himself a liar. it kills me.
He's not a liar. he's just none too bright himself
there is a difference between having "feelings of love" for someone, and choosing to treat them lovingly. there is also a difference between loving someone, and respecting them. or thinking they are highly intelligent.
You loved your newborn. but i doubt even a mother can think that their 1-day-old child is either "highly intelligent", or "worthy of respect"
oh. which brings up a similar thing to the first clause: there is a difference between "respecting someone", and "treating them with respect".
Just as with choosing to treat someone "with love", it is a choice about your external actions, that is not neccessarily detemined by the internal feelings.
Then, there is knowing HOW to treat someone with love, and/or respect. Someone can make a choice to try to do those, but not have a good understanding of HOW.
That's when a good NERF(tm) bat comes in handy. For "educational" purposes
Last edited by Dom R; 04/03/0904:14 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
i get the difference. i really do... i was just venting.
he either doesn't love me like he says or chooses not to treat me lovingly. He either has no respect for me or chooses not to treat me with respect. Either way, i don't understand it. especially given the situation. He's practically begging me to stay with him, to work it out, swearing it'll be different, but then he insults me and nothing i do is good enough again.
i work really hard to not let that stuff get to me anymore. I just say (as calmly as possible) that when he says things like that (then i give an example) it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me and it hurts me. then he tells me how i took it wrong and i need to stop being so sensitive about stuff... as some point i stop the conversation.
if he doesn't know HOW, he should learn. i am apparently not a very good teacher.
oh well. I don't need his approval today.
take care ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
i work really hard to not let that stuff get to me anymore.
That's GREAT!
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I just say (as calmly as possible) that when he says things like that (then i give an example) it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me and it hurts me.
also great!
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then he tells me how i took it wrong and i need to stop being so sensitive about stuff...
Now, this is him being horribly unsensitive. With a guy like that, calm words help YOU to stay calm and sane.. but they dont help HIM understand. He really has no clue (especially being only 25!). Take it from a guy who has been in his shoes.
You think I'm joking about the NERF bat. With guys like him, I'm not, really.
Seriously. Go buy a NERF bat. Keep it handy.
The next time he pulls this crap on you, dont do your usual reply. Try something diferent. Just calmly turn around, go grab the nerf bat... and then repeatedly whack him with it. When he complains, just say, "STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE! it's Only a NERF bat! shrug it off!" (and whatever other excuses he normally uses for his bad behaviour.
Alternatively, the other thing that would get through to him is a yell-fest from you. Lose your temper; let it out.. tell him that no, you do NOT "have to stop being so sensitive", HE has to stop being such a JERK!!!
I guarantee you, that either method will get his attention, and shut him up with the "stop being so sensitive" mantra, if applied diligently.
I know that neither of them would be "comfortable" for you right now. But I suspect that you dont have the motivation to go the yelling route. Which is why I strongly recommend the nerf bat for yourself.
You well probably have to apply it a few times. Men are harder to train than puppies. but they CAN be taught
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oh well. I don't need his approval today.
Good for you But this is not about getting his approval. This is about making a change, to make you feel more comfortable in your own home. You deserve it. You can have it. Its just that you have to do a bit of work to get it.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
He needs to be taught how to treat his wife. My son is an abusive 25 year old. He lives with his GF who is 37. When he opens his mouth to her and calls her names, she kicks him out. Last time he had to read a book on abusive behavior and go to a therapist for anger management before she let him come back. I don't know how many times she will kick him out before she does it for good. But she is making a difference with him.
ann
