craig54 divorced but still love my wife

[craig54]

It is raining cats and dogs . suppose to rain up to 2.5 inches on the coast and 6in in the mountains. We need the rain.how is weather in alaska?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Sunny!! Sorry not trying to gloat...so far we have had a better Spring this year than all of Summer last year...it is hard not to be glad about it.

[craig54]

Our parking lot sale looked like a lake, to say the least it was a bust. Our summers here in Eureka are usually foggy and cold, especially when it is hot inland, it just sucks the marine layer into the coast.Very much like Anchorage.

I will tell you the truth, letting go of my ex is very difficult, I am having a hard time, especially since I see her and talk to her often.This will take time.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Craig,

If you are having a hard time...why not do for you what does good for you? Do you see her so much for her benefit? Because it doesn't seem like it is a benefit to you.

[craig54]

Honestly before the divorce became final, in my mind I wanted to punish her for finalizing it, I told myself I would shut her out of my life , treat her differently, and basically say screw her. It has not worked out that way, I see how much confusion she is still in and I cannot for the life of me treat her with disdain. It is a reminder everytime I talk to her that for some reason, I still hold out hope.I truly wish I did not, but it is the way I feel, at least right now.My first marriage ended , and because my first wife went so far off the deep end , it was easier to let go, and to be honest with you I never fully ever dealt with the first divorce. I just tucked it away in a corner , I can say I finally forgave my first wife for all the hurt and harm she caused my children and myself.But that took The Lord to remind me that I never dealt with that problem.I am just sad at the outcome, and even more sad that my ex is so lost.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Uhh...I never said punish her...I said treat yourself better.

So she is lost and your tortured? Soooo you think you keep the pain off of your face when she is around? So when she does get glimpses of sanity she looks up and sees the effect her choices have made on you. (In the bad way?) Yeah cause that would make me want to surface to reality.

Craig do what you think you need to do, I'm just saying flogging yourself in the process...doesn't seem to be helping you. Scars form when the wound is allowed time and space to heal, not when wounds are constantly poked and prodded.

[craig54]

Jack , I am the one that wanted to punish her, I know you have not ever said to punish her.You are right , I need to have a better balance,I need to try and maintain some emotional distance, and in the process still treat her with dignity.You are right, I am punishing myself because she is so lost, but she made the decision to quit, not me.I know this is not easy, I just expected more out of myself.Thank you for the advice, it is what I need to hear.

[fisherman]

Hey Craig,

I can relate to how your feeling right now. I had something happen this past week. Something not so good, but I do believe it will turn out to be a blessing when all is said and done.

It has also reminded me that I still have feelings for my ex, I still have the hope that all things are possible and I still have plenty of work to do on myself.

Like you I am newly divorced. This part of the journey is very difficult indeed.

[craig54]

I can remember when I first came onto this site, how many people said that we would many quesitions and not necessarily have the answers. That has proven to be Oh so true. But after almost two years , I can live with that.

[craig54]

The strangest thing happened the last few days, I have been emailing a woman from Nova Scotia, she is an amazing woman.We have so much in common, we want the same things,Jesus at the center of our lives.We spent three hours on the phone last night. Have not done that in many years.