I went to the bank yesterday. H is still trying to freeze/block our joint accounts. Which puts him in contempt of court, again.
The teller said I was the happiest person she'd ever met who's getting divorced. I told her it's been a very long time coming. I told her that the tears, sorrow, heartache, & doubts came years & months ago.
It's time to smile and live life the way God intended me to. Men (and women) are that they might have joy. I'm finding joy within myself.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
It sounds like you are in a good place. I wish your H would get there, too. W and I are getting along pretty sell through this, and cooperating! It makes it so much easier. The loan officer that I've been working with commented on how odd it was that I was disappointed that the appraisal came in such that W would not get as much as I thought she should. She said most people she has seen in that situation wanted the appraisal to be low, so that they would have to pay as little as possible. I just don't see it, at least for me. Even in a D, I don't see why you can't treat people the way you'd like to be treated. It all comes back in the end!
Jeff, he wasn't cooperative through the marriage. Why would I hope him to be cooperative through a divorce. LOL
I'm glad to hear that things are going good for you. It's about time you had some things go easy.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Hi cookie!! Welcome to separated. You sound great! I guess it feels like a weight has lifted off your shoulders. I think it will take some time for things to become "civil" between the two of you. Good Luck xxx K
Hi Smart cookie. I can't imagine you remember me, but i remember you for sure. Glad to see that you are happy. that's the best thing for you and your children!
take care ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
So being separated and living in the same house is beyond awkward. He doesn't speak to me unless I ask him a question. When we do try to talk (usually about money) it turns into me getting angry.
He seems most afraid that I'm going to try to run off with our money. LOL He blocked our joint credit line, that my checking account is linked to for overdraft protection. I can call and unblock it, but I just made other arrangements. He says he'll give me money to pay my normal bills, I just need to ask. How nice of him. He doesn't seem to realize that it's my money too. He closed our joint checking account, & opened an individual one. I have no idea if he's earning a paycheck or not. He says he isn't. It seems odd that he'd continue to work with these people from 9 am til 7 pm without earning a dime. Last weekend was his to spend with the kids. He was gone from 8 am until 8 pm on Saturday. I gave up trying to understand why he does what he does. He's stopped doing most anything around the house. I wonder if he's trying to show me what it will be like with him gone. I'm not worried. I've been taking care of most everything for a long time.
I'm trying to be the best me I can. I'm still doing everything I normally would, with the exception of his laundry. I'm still cooking dinner each night. The kids & I eat at our normal time. H comes home around 7:30, & I usually have something left for him to eat.
Our D was very sick (we thought it was mono) luckily it wasn't. She's doing a lot better. The boys are just doing their own things with their friends like always. I get everybody together for dinner, then get them going on homework, & remind them to shower/bathe, & tuck them in bed. Life as usual.
Edited to add:
I watched Sleeping with the Enemy last night. I'd seen it several times before. I still can't believe how much it freaks me out to watch it. Things like that remind me how far I've come, & yet I've got a ways to go yet to feel safe.
Last edited by smartcookie; 03/13/0902:02 AM.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
"I thought you would be behind me because of our friendship."
Austin.. our friendship is based on me "fighting" you. Because that is who I am.. and who you are. From the start.. I have "fought" you. I have "fought" the emotion that you carry. Yes I used my emotion to "fight" you.
"I thought you would support me because of you knowing where I came from and how far I've progressed and how hard I've "done work"."
I know where you came from.. and you have progressed some. I am still on the fence on how much "Do Work" has been done. I am entitled to feel that way. Even if you don't like it.
"I don't want to fight you."
And if you really look at it.. I don't want to fight you either. We could chalk this up to.. I really wanted you to talk to me. That was my goal. I have stated that many times. Bring back the "old times" when we were.. communicating.
"I'm done trying to convince anyone how bad it has been for me."
Yet at times... "anyone" has seen.. it has not been "horrible". There has been times.. you seemed "happy". Yet you discard that as you just "needed a drink".
"Sure. I am an emotional person. That's how I roll."
Do you think.. I am doing the exact same thing? This is.. how I roll.
"It's also a very emotional time for me."
This is my point. When you say that.. it just attracts "me". Usually.. when you make an "emotional" choice.. it just does not pan out.. like you thought it would. I knew walking into this.. (my post).. it was gonna stir up something.
"I'm making a choice that will always affect my children. I've struggled with this for years."
Truth be told.. I am "fighting" this exact same thing.. in a situation that is completely different.
"I know it's the right thing to do."
I still question that.
"You've got to trust me to make my own choices."
I have always wanted you to make smart choices. From the start.
But am I really supposed to trust.. the "emotion" behind your choices?
"Maybe with most people that makes sense. I am not most people. Making a mess here causes me to want to get away from the negativity of all the arguing."
You are most people. And your reaction to it shows that. At one point.. you said the "negativity" was productive. I told you it was not. If I really look at what you are saying.. you are telling me that.. I created this "drama". And I did. I did it to see how you would react.. or respond. I wanted you to "talk". The part that still concerns me some.. is you want to "hide" from it.
"I have a finite amount of emotional energy."
Me too. And to a point.. I have been told.. to "tone" it back some.. if I want to keep posting. Sound familiar?
"If I drain myself here, trying to clear up the mess, I can't be available to myself, & my kids."
I am pretty sure.. I have warned you of this.
"Whatever your intention, I wanted away from the negative energy."
Did you think it unproductive?
"Whatever you meant to do, it caused me to be very uncomfortable, & just want to avoid it all together."
I could say.. you can't hear me.
"I do remember you saying several times that my choice was wrong."
Really? Have I not said that before?
Hows that chart going?
"So being separated and living in the same house is beyond awkward."
Imagine that.
SC.. I would have so liked you to walk out of this relationship.. with your "life" intact.
That I could have supported you 100%.
I just don't like where this is going..
If that gets me labeled as a as*hole.. abuser.. You know what.. I am OK with that.
Forrest out...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
He seems most afraid that I'm going to try to run off with our money. LOL He blocked our joint credit line, that my checking account is linked to for overdraft protection. I can call and unblock it, but I just made other arrangements. He says he'll give me money to pay my normal bills, I just need to ask. How nice of him. He doesn't seem to realize that it's my money too. He closed our joint checking account, & opened an individual one. I have no idea if he's earning a paycheck or not. He says he isn't. It seems odd that he'd continue to work with these people from 9 am til 7 pm without earning a dime. Last weekend was his to spend with the kids. He was gone from 8 am until 8 pm on Saturday.
Wow, he is really showing you how right your decision is.
Forrest, I'm learning to listen & validate my own internal warning signals. When I read your posts to me, I feel like I'm walking into a boxing ring. I'm not boxing anymore, with anyone. You can post to me, but I won't be reading it.
Have a nice life.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
