I agree with Gucci. Especialy about the inviting her to dinner and _then_ telling her off for accepting a phone call. Conflicting messages to the max!
And as another opinion. I too, would find a 6ft plus man cupping my chin gently and telling me I had to leave extremely intimidating and probably quite frightening. A man does not have to raise his voice or hand to be intimidating. In fact, the quieter the man speaks, the pleasanter the tone whilst speaking words that kick a woman out of the house (after you had invited her) speaks of manipulation and quite frankly gave me nasty chills.
It sounds like your wife is quite clear about what she wants. And that is to be away from you.
all you can do at this point is look after yourself - GAL - and be a man only a fool would leave. Just stop rubbing her nose in it. The shame and blame will push her far away.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
Hey, Superstar!!!! Glad to hear that things are going well for you! Interesting that you are getting some flack from folks here for stuff that happened back in early October! WOW!!! We've all come a long way since October. In fact, in early October I was still sleeping my H who was involved with OW!
I'm doing well as well. Moving towards my D...should be done in a few months. At any rate, I just wanted to stop in and say hey!!!
Hugs to you! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Hey, Superstar!!!! Glad to hear that things are going well for you! Interesting that you are getting some flack from folks here for stuff that happened back in early October! WOW!!! We've all come a long way since October. In fact, in early October I was still sleeping my H who was involved with OW!
I'm doing well as well. Moving towards my D...should be done in a few months. At any rate, I just wanted to stop in and say hey!!!
Hugs to you! Amy
Hi Amy! Great to hear from you!
Nothing like 5 month old 2x4s huh?
As I told Gucci, looking back I did some things that I regret, but asking her to leave after disrespecting our home like that is not one of them. Neither is touching her when I asked her to leave.
It was a very emotional moment for both of us, and I think I know the difference between threatening and sensitive.
Like I said, it's all about the context.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
I agree with Gucci. Especialy about the inviting her to dinner and _then_ telling her off for accepting a phone call. Conflicting messages to the max!
Accepting a call...from her boyfriend. This wasn't her Mom calling or something, this was the partner in her adulterous relationship.
Allowing this behavior in my presence is basically a form of passive acceptance.
I agree, and find it puzzling that this is even a tough one for anyone.
I can see it being a problem if I had flipped out and started hurling household items at her while screaming at her to "Get the #$#@ out of my house!!!"
But that isn't what happened.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
SS, for what it's worth, I don't think you did anything wrong here. Hey, I always say sometimes we LBS are so hard on ourselves and question what we do tremendously and our WAS have done much more dreadful things to us. I know we know better and should do better, but we also need to not worry so much at times (myself included- I worry way too much about hurting my H's feelings, when he has done... well you know).
I don't think you should worry about what you did or didn't do. Sometimes you have to do what feels right at the time.
Quite honestly, I was only sharing what I would have done. That doesn't mean it's appropriate for every single person and in every situation. Also, what works for one person isn't going to work for everyone.
I know for me, I have a history of reacting strongly to situations and then later regretting my reactions. So learning to not to be so angry and reactive has been very empowering for me. Especially being able to do it in a very intense situation.
Also, in my own situation, I noticed the more I expressed anger and outrage at my husband about the situation with OW, the more it seemed to bring them closer together. Not that it would have happened that way on it's own, but it definitely made it easier for my husband to leave.
Of course, not everyone is going to have the same reaction. You really have to look closely at your own individual situation and the people involved. Like motivations.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Today is my anniversary...and I just now remembered it.
For so long I have dreaded this day, thinking it would be by far the hardest day...but somehow it just passed me by. I almost missed it completely for the first time ever. I always loved anniversary day. I loved the ordering of roses in her favorite colors and dinner at "our" restaurant. I loved the idea that we had successfully made it another year, another notch in the belt and a testament to our success.
Some success.
I thought (very briefly) of sending WAW a "happy anniversary" text...but I didn't. What would it serve? She hasn't spoken 10 words to me in 6 months, I doubt she even remembers.
Here is a coincidence...today she finally moved out of her parents' house and into her own apartment. On our anniversary. Nice huh? I told TxMom, I would like to think she is lying in her tiny new apt sadly reflecting on where she went wrong, but the more likely scenario is that she and OM are "breaking in" her new spot since mom and dad cramped her style for so long. /Vomit.
I think I have decided that the hardest part of all this wasn't the cheating or the lying...it was the ease with which she just tossed me and our family aside. Never hesitating. Never looking back. No warning, no "working on us", just...POOF!
Gone.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
