I have some time to post. My H went to visit a friend and I have some 'free time' to myself. Things are going exceptionally well. I am feeling good. I have had a few doubts and a few tears but mostly from over thinking. Thinking this is too good to be true. I am amazed at the power a healthy R has. A healthy sex life has on a R. My H is no longer 'starving' I will admit that I want to have sex several times a day sometimes and he isn't up to it. No pun intended. There have been several oppurtunities for me to point out to him .... things he did or didn't do that he told me when I did them meant I didnt care or love him. The first day he was home? I did great and he told me this is what I always wanted. I was being natural. Being myself. I wasn't worried about a thing. It felt good. I am normaly a bundle of nerves and I shoot myself in the foot . I also did the striptease or tried to and he was @ to burst into flames it felt so delicious to have him desire me like that. I also showed him the dance I had learned and he told me to settle down and that I was TOO sexy!!!! I have found a comfort zone and I have not left it. I am very pleased with us. he is also being so much more open with me. He is also being a great Dad... and that is a turn on too. But I promised to let him off the hook some. Poor guy is tired out. I wasnt really sure I could let my inner sexual diva out but I have and she isnt going anywhere any time soon. I am just confident and sexual. I feel it in me every single day. It is delicious.
I will even admit , I had a bit of a "temper tantrum" when he wouldnt give it for the 5th or more time. But I calmed myself down and remembered how he would make me feel bad for being "LD".
I have to say no more than ever ? I dont like that HD /LD labeling. I put myself in that box. i would peek out and say to myself nope you cant do it Ali. Complete bullsh*t. I am sexual and no one can tell em any different anymore. Funny thing ? It was only me who believed all the BS. Sure he said it... did not maen I had to believe it. Cause now that I don't? I am sexual , naturally. I also have now become the leader and then he will lead. But no more sittingon the sidelines waiting ... I am participating. I am setting a standard for our SL and R. I am infusing it with sensuality and he is following and being like that too. This feels right. {{ I am still a tiny bit nervous but}}} I have noticed when we get derailed some? WE get over it very fast. & I FINALLY got him to agree that the "O" is not the best part. Sheesh. That took forever. I have been trying to convince him for years. He never got it.
I am going to have to be careful. I can feel myself getting a bit too saucy when he isn't in the mood at times. ??? Not good, or I have also used it to say now do you understand ME a little more? I am sure he does. I can feel it.
NON~ Toxic Faith is believing. { FIB} NON~ Toxic
WOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!~!~!~ It feels good to be Married to my H . It feels right and healthy.
Love you all , Take care and God bless... xox xox ox xo xox o Ali
Ok , so my Hubby left this morning and we had a few downs while he was here. But it was mostly ups. I have been doing very well in being feminine and also being seductive. I also did very well on being funny and bringing my sense of humor on when needed. Especially when he was going a bit dark and sullen. I had a great time with him. The days just melted together . I put away the old me for the most part. She would make occasional appearances . I would get thru it mostly w/o him ever noticing.
For me it was a lot of fun harnessing my "power" my femininity. My beauty , and my sexuality. I gave the part of me I have been keeping under lock and key for a long time. I also gave him the strong part of me that I was afraid if I showed he would "leave"
Funny, I am not afraid he will leave anymore. And by that I am not implying I think I am the cats meow and he would never leave ,, I mean he can leave if he sees fit. But I am not going to twist and bend and conform in order for him to stay.
He put his Wedding Ring on and had it on for a few days and then he took it off one day when he got angry. I am not going to ask him to wear it. I think it is important to me and I love when he wears it, but it also allows me to be "lazy' a bit in my thinking. So if he chooses to wear it again great, but for now? I am comfortable with him not choosing to wear it. I will when he comes home again in a month to work here talk about it and let him know how important it is to me and that him taking it off and on is not a sign of maturity. He says he wants me to be happy and I do believe it would make me happy {er} to see him wear a symbol of our love....…
We still have a lot of healing to do and he needs to heal on his time too. I also noticed while he was here that I was strong and outspoken. I never tried to actively cross in bitch mode but I did stand my ground. I did it w/o much thought. I held my own. He responded. He showed me a ton of respect and was acting like the man I had fallen in love with. Opening doors , and being a real Gentleman. I liked it a lot.
He joked a lot about my lack of drive and initiative. Re~ SEX.
I would just be funny and laugh and he would come back to reality. I think He may have initiated once while he was here? I did the rest of the time. He would even tell me to take it easy on him?
So I would .... It was weird to hear his excuses when he did not want to have sex. He even mentioned a few nites ago, how I got angry with him one nite.
OOPS~
He left in great spirits this morning and he even told me he was in a great mood. It was light and loving when he left. He is usually sour and grouchy. WE also made dinner for the kids last nite and we all sat down as a Family.
He will be back in four weeks and I don't think I am going to read anymore books for a bit. I honestly feel like this will just keep getting better.
He was enjoyable for most of everyday he was here. He had a great time with the kids , the even had a pillow fight. We had a fun time. He was only supposed to be here a week and he stayed 2. Now that is progress. And what I am most proud of? Not the sex or the "dancing' or my new dance I learned. Which causes him to be putty in my hands?
I am most proud of my new inner strength. My new "sense" of me. My integrity. And my new sense of COURAGE and self respect. I feel like a Million bucks. I was 100% natural. No additives or preservatives.
Ok I will try to explain "Cirque de Soleil~ " The male is sitting down. The woman will then have her knees on his shoulders. Her V where his head is. Her stomach touching his. Her head down by his P. Then she can either hold herself up by holding his legs, or arms on the ground and he is then also holding her with his arms around her back. If you then have strength you can move your legs straight out or straight above your head like you are doing a handstand and he is holding you with his mouth massaging your V with his tongue . This was sheer bliss. Imagine 69 position . Let me know if you get it. Love, Ali
Ali - *I* get it. Tee hee. Love it, BTDT. Other variations exist, too. For instance, he could be standing, leaning up against a wall and she can literally be doing a handstand in front of him. You can't have too much of a height difference or else she will have to do the handstand on a stack of phone books.
P.s....I love you and I know we both want what is best for Cinco and Mrs. Cinco....sorry we got off base. Cheers!
I'm sorry, I'm dying over here. How the hell do you get up there? You start off with your knees on his shoulders, like a cheerleader, and then fall forward or something? Just put me in a clown suit and I'll do just fine. I can't stop laughing thinking of me trying to grapple my way into position and my H looking like WTF and both of us ending up on Advil the next morning.
If I ever achieve the kind of sex life that would make this a possibility, I'll ask for the diagram again. LOL!
Ali - *I* get it. Tee hee. Love it, BTDT. Other variations exist, too. For instance, he could be standing, leaning up against a wall and she can literally be doing a handstand in front of him. You can't have too much of a height difference or else she will have to do the handstand on a stack of phone books.
P.s....I love you and I know we both want what is best for Cinco and Mrs. Cinco....sorry we got off base. Cheers!
Hee hee...when I came in to reply on your post, the number of views of this post was 69. LOL!
You're such a beautiful angel Ali....I will always respect your loving stance....thanks for all that you do to help others....it helps me, too, just to know you are out there in the world....
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Got the picture.